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Alessia, 18 y.o.
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Date: April 4, 2023
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I think it’s better to cut all of your communication with Ben, then to tell your husband to do anything. Are you in shared groups? You can leave them. Does he come to your house? Say you don’t want him there, your husband and him can go hangout elsewhere. You can also tell them why. There’s no reason you should have to be exposed to that.
Controlling what your husband does, not really a great idea and not enforceable. I get what you mean thoigh— I would lose respect for any person that is friends with Ben. That would include if it was my husband.
Maybe, removing yourself from the situation will help let your husband know just how much of a dealbreaker it is for you to be around Ben
I should have clarified the Saturday part.
This is purely fantasy and hasn’t happened in years. I just think that after I work all week, if I want to veg out and play games all weekend every once in a while, I shouldn’t be crucified for it.
Awful to read that, sorry you are going through that particular sequence of events.
This might be harsh and unpopular but I think he was going to break up with you regardless, if it took one “petty” argument, just before you arrive, for you two to break up.
A small argument can be had here or there but it would not be high up on a list of reasons for a person to break up with the other. Especially just before said person is leaving everything behind to go join them island live! together
It is up to you, whether the relationship may be salvaged or not and, if not, then you can enjoy your single time now and take care of yourself and your priority
If you can't sort out a fairly minor thing like this, I worry about your future marriage.
Discuss, compromise. Surely you can come up with something that suits both of you, to allow anyone who really wants/needs to gift you to do so. And also to allow you to feel that the gift giving is entirely voluntary, and stays in the backseat.
I agree with another commenter, the bridal shower is nothing to do with you, don't dictate this.
And maybe consider a joint 'batchelor/ette' do with your closest besties.
It’s not an official loan lol the bank won’t know. You just say oh it’s a gift!
It sounds like you have the right plan to leave. You no longer have a relationship due to his addiction. It's sad. You deserve someone who pays attention to you and meets you half way.
Be strong, you can do this.
Yeah, I checked his post history after I wrote this, and yikes.
how would you feel if you guys had kids and he was a stay at home dad? would you resent him more?
i think his readiness for children has more to do with his ability to provide not bc he doesn’t actually want kids. you said you’ve been supporting him for 4 years and now that he’s finished his classes and started working again he may feel overwhelmed at the thought of having more responsibilities. when it’s just you two there’s less pressure on him to provide.
what if something happens and you have to stay home or take time off of work for extended period of time?
i can see him being insecure about his own abilities to provide and that’s where the self doubt about being a father can come in
just trying to give you a different POV
if you truly want to work on your relationship i think you’ll benefit from having a heart to heart conversation about everything not just kids
And so could be HIV or hepatitis. I don't think there's many women who want to get pregnant go down that route
I'm very happy I don't have to scroll far to see the art studio comment.
Weird how my experience differs
They’re right. 9 years ain’t long enough to know if you want to be with him forever? Get married already. This ain’t about culture or religion
This is the first boyfriend I’ve had that I’ve introduced her to! We’ve been friends for about two years, but we’ve both gotten really close in that time. Thank you for responding! I appreciate it 🙂
if you still think I’m the only one wrong when we both asked the same thing then idk what else to say
We were at this point some months ago. We began having dates(mostly eating something nice on sunday morning) and showerig together regulary. Then we both tried to increase the opportunities for sex, by beeinh shaved and showered more often and doing more petting, which had not to lead to sex, when cuddling. I also bought some nice underware.
All good points. It’s hot for me to understand because my church would allow a priest, a rabbi, whatever. But the priest said my family would likely be “confused” doing the readings. I assured him they are literate and can in fact read despite not being Catholic!
Speak to the priest, discuss your concerns, many are surprisingly flexible.
When I got engaged, I was kind of bracing myself for my Catholic MiL to really want us married “In The Church” , so I looked into what hoops I would need to jump through and learned that there's a lot more wiggle room than one would think.
I'm more worried about your fiancé's willingness to put his parents' wishes ahead of your needs in the process of planning to “leave his mother and father and cleave unto his wife “. THIS needs to be discussed before you end up with your in-laws interfering in your marriage and day-to-day life with your husband caving in to them at every turn.
My suggestion, stop reading and go schedule an appointment by yourself with a priest to learn what can be done to ensure a ceremony that will be acceptable to everyone and THEN, armed with more information, discuss the options with your fiancé. If he insists on letting his mother get her way, it's possible, sadly, that you shouldn't marry this man.
Your therapist is an ass.
I still don't think it hurts to offer it as a “you have a choice and we support you”.
I'd also ask for you and your partner if you have close friends or maybe a support group of other parents in similar situations that you can talk to about this. It's good to have support from others that understand what you're going through,
“what's yours in mine, what's mine is mine” seems to be her attitude.
Couples can choose to have separate or combined finances, but at the end of they day, you have to be on the same team and it is a question of how you split. 50/50, proportional, money vs responsibilities (i.e. SAHP) are all valid.
But those agreements need to be in good faith and made together.
OP's fiancee seems to be dictating her red line, and it is a heads I win, tales you lose philosophy.
For me personally, that goes beyond “everything else about her is amazing” and in the realm of “what are her values and are they compatible with mine?” I find the arrangement and her attitude to be extremely disrespectful and condescending.
Why does him paying his share of rent equal less groceries? Shouldn’t that mean you have more available money?
Why would you stop buying food because he’s paying less than you? Would he be then paying his fair share?
Your financial way of thinking isn’t making sense.
Yeah…no. Just no. He needs help
If she has bikini pics on her Instagram and guys are liking them, well what's good for the Goose and all.