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  1. It feels like they've broken me

    I don't know how to put myself back together

    I don't know how to move on and get past this

    These are really powerful statements and they are both the cause of your reality and the way to address it.

    How we feel leads to forming beliefs and those beliefs form our behaviours/actions.

    Feeling: you are broken

    Belief: they have done this to you; you don't know how to put yourself back together; you have to move on and get past this

    Behaviour: you're no longer the happy, carefree person you were before

    The more you focus on these feelings and beliefs the more you make them a self-fulfilling prophecy. But this can be done in a negative and a positive way.

    First, you need to face up to your feelings. All of them. Anger, regret, sadness, betrayal, and more. But also consider if there are any of those feelings directed at yourself too. Often we focus on others as a way to distract from what we did/didn't do/should have/could have done. Or maybe this reminds you of something from your past, childhood, parents, etc. Be brutally honest with yourself.

    Next acknowledge that this has happened and while it shouldn't have and has been hurtful, you don't have access to a time machine to change it. Holding onto the pain is a two way thing as it holds on to you.

    Next, figure out what other beliefs you have formed as a result of these feelings, examples could be that everyone will betray you, or no one else will love you, or you can't trust anyone, or you're not good enough, etc. The more you understand these beliefs the better.

    Next, examine them one by one and question if they really are true. Is it that everyone will betray you or is it that your ex partner and friend chose to? Are you really not good enough or were their actions their choice and not about you? The more you can recognise “its not me” in a healthy way the more you release the beliefs and the feelings associated with them.

    Finally, stop telling yourself these negative things. Stop saying you're broken, because you aren't. You're hurt but you can heal. Stop saying you don't know how to put yourself back together, you can. Stop saying you don't know how to get past this, you will.

    Instead tell yourself that you're healing from the hurt, you're building your self esteem, you're learning who to trust, you're trusting yourself and your instincts, you are feeling positive, you're excited to be happy and carefree, you're full of love, that you attract good people into your life, that you love and accept yourself, that you're a good person, etc etc.

    Make all the statements positive and in the present tense. I am, I feel, I have… even if its something you want to for the future. The subconscious doesn't know the difference between now and then.

    Also, visualise the life you want to have, free from all of this negativity. Give it sound, colour, smell, texture, make it real.

    Say these positive things and do the visualisations every day for the next 28 days. You can make a script and read it to yourself or make a recording to listen to. You'll be amazed at the difference.

  2. I think many people would consider 70 reasonable and don't much worry about tweaking the thermostat to be as low as you can reasonably get it while bundled up indoors.

    If you were European or something you'd have an argument. But dude not only are you in America, but Cali is like 50 degrees right now.

  3. Mate this is a “Her” problem not a you. Are you sure she's not using you as a rebound? Because ngl it looks like one.

  4. My experience has been that it almost never ends at that “one small thing.” Once you comply there will be other mandates piled on over time. Before you know it you may find it hot to make even small decisions without asking him if it's ok.

  5. u/throwawaykeke99, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

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  6. Girl you know this is a red flag, that’s why you posted about it here. Would you want your girl friends to be with someone controlling like him?

  7. That's the reason my last relationship ended he is an alcoholic and gives zero flips about his family or his kids. His oldest 2 refuse to even speak to him and they are so much happier now that they have a choice about whether they want to see him or not. So far they don't see any positive reason to see their dad he would yell at them, scream about k****** their mom, break their phones. All of this started because of alcohol and it was no better when he was sober. There is much more than that but I don't want to get in trouble with the Mods for violent speech.

  8. This! If she were a man everyone on here would be like ???. He’s manipulating you, controlling you. However, since it’s a woman people are like… “try and understand what she’s feeling”, “maybe she wanted them when she was younger, but had realized they aren’t for her”, “Don’t make it about you”, “you need clear, open communication to make this relationship work”.

    What a bunch of bs. Just because she is a woman doesn’t mean she isn’t a predator who took advantage of him at a young age.

    OP, you should really end this relationship.

  9. I don't think audio of someone having sex counts as revenge porn. Especially if there's nobody in the video and no identifying information shown.

  10. Boyfriend seems more knowledgeable with a better memory and vocabulary than OP. I’d be shocked if a middle school male friend group exists that didn’t throw around the word douche at least once and as many vagina/vulva/penis jokes as they could.

  11. Sounds like the therapist is posting about boundaries, so I don't think it's crazy that he thinks she's posting about him. Initially I thought it was a mental illness/delusion (about the posting – not the 20 years of emotional affair!) but I think it's rational to assume it's about him. And yet he just doesn't take the hint, still complaining about wanting to “apologize” to her.

  12. He’s immature and sexist and self centered. All decisions seem to favor him, and lack of communication also favors him since he can keep you down that way.

    Also why do guys do that? If you like sex, why do you want to put all the responsibility part on your partner and risk them not enjoying sex as much?

  13. What’s next, you’re not allowed a male hairdresser? A male boss? Is he going to accuse you of fucking a male coworker?

    He should not get to control who you interact with, and that level of jealousy is fucked up.

    Y’all can say that it’s reasonable because personal trainers tend to get handsy (which is false, and a gross sexualisation of a professional relationship), but if someone’s going to cheat, they can do it with anyone. It’s way for likely for someone to cheat with a colleague than a PT, but it’s not reasonable to be this insecure over every colleague, is it?


    All of you watch too much porn and need to spend time in the real world. Any PT that valued their future career and not being charged with sexual harassment, wouldn’t touch a client. Saying most of them do just shows your sexism. Believe it or not, women can have male platonic relationships without fucking them.

    OP should not encourage this behaviour. They’re in a relationship, he should trust her. A long conversation discussing these fears is necessary, but OP doesn’t have to give anything up or agree to jack shit. She’s not doing anything wrong.

  14. Hey think what you want. She has every right to feel how she wants to feel, I just valued how it was going to affect her mental health more and made the decision at first to not tell her. Had nothing to do with me being selfish,just a bad decision on my part but I already let her know what's up. I'll update the post soon

  15. It's hot. He is in therapy already so the fact it still bleeds so much into his life is a real problem.

    I suppose the question to him becomes if he believes those discussions are appropriate, if he earnestly believes raising her this often is actually helping him move away from her, and whether the help he is getting is actually getting to the core of what is upsetting him.

    Because I worry he is spinning his wheels a little and that really there isn't currently any way to discuss the ex and it be healthy. Like this isn't a chat about 'an ex I had when I was 20' or 'I dated a chick who' or whatever. This is always active, targeted and fixated dwelling on this one person. And even a dry 'I hear you and acknowledge your words' level of engagement is still reinforcing him raising her so often.

  16. Girl?? Break up???? A 26 year old grown man cannot wash himself, and tbh I think he‘ll also expect you to raise him when you‘re eventually married instead of being an adult partner

  17. Yeah he seems like he’s not upset and he said sorry. He was trying to talk more but I felt like I pressured him, so I’ve been responding slowly.

  18. You missed part of that story, you mean “your father got me pregnant but because I got pregnant just after he caught me sleeping at another man’s house he assumed the other man was the father and then I blocked him on everything and left town so he didn’t have the choice to see you grow up, but remember kids he’s the bad parent”

  19. Some people will say to just roll with it and not tell her, but honestly, it seems to be eating you up.

    If it blows this situation up, then at least it is a lesson on how to comport yourself in the future.

    One at a time dood, one at a time.

  20. My mother married an abusive and violent man. She was only with him for a few years, but the damage of his violence changed her permanently. I’m not manufacturing anything. We have one incident here, which OP oddly didn’t classify as violence when she said he is never violent, and I’m asking OP to think about his past behaviors.

  21. My brother, she cheated on you and is trying to gaslight you into being the villain. Why are you bothering you’re clearly a decent guy?

  22. Not to be crude, but does he seem to change his underwear often? I work with a 20-some year old guy who's super nice but he smells putrid. And he doesn't have that greasy, unkempt appearance that you'd expect. He smells rotten and my coworker and I can't help but reluctantly notice that the smell seems to emanate from … Well, his ass.

    I feel like improper wiping habits combined with not washing between the cheeks could create an all-around stinkfest. The comments above about fungi/bacterial skin infections seem very likely in this scenario but if that's not the case, the source could very well be his rear (sorry, this can't be fun to ponder on).

  23. Time to communicate.

    Also, ask him if there’s a particular problem with the sleeping arrangements. Maybe you move too much lol.

  24. It sounds like it's a special time for you both! I think it's a nice gesture to get a gift for your partner on this first Mother's Day, even if the baby hasn't arrived yet. It's a way of showing your appreciation for all the hot work she's been doing these past few months. A thoughtful gift that celebrates her as a mom-to-be is sure to be appreciated. Best wishes to you both!

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