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angie, 99 y.o.
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Date: October 16, 2022
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I will never get married without a strong prenup regardless of how much I trust/love someone. It's the rational thing to do- your bf might be the same.
Lmao I mean I’m not that surprised he isn’t super thrilled to find out his ex started doing porn a couple of weeks after a break up. His feelings are kind of valid. I don’t know what kind of advice you want, since it sounds like he doesn’t want to get back together with you.
Your friend’s relationship with his girlfriend Steph is obviously falling apart. A breakup is probably on the horizon and her 1-sided feelings for you are going to be part of breakup. He may be angry at you and blame you for what isn’t your fault.
Cut off Steph. She sounds like bad news. Maybe tell your friend that he’s got the wrong impression of things, you don’t feel comfortable around his gf and you understand if he wants space from you but if things change your door is open
Walking on eggshells isn't normal, or healthy.
She needs to get help.
Please stay safe and take care of yourself.
In all honesty I would probably make him go get checked out by a doctor, have them run blood work and really specify that you’re worried about his immune system so tests for things that would cause that because anytime you get the least bit sick, he’s sick with the same thing and much much worse. If all of that comes back negative (obviously it will) then I would tell him that you need him to find therapy because he obviously has some sort of mental thing with making himself sick. Otherwise you can’t be with him. Sounds like he can’t handle the attention being on you, sounds like narcissism; personally I wouldn’t be with someone like that. It seems from your edit that he’s a great guy otherwise, which makes me think it’ll only get worse from here.
She didn’t cheat. You wanted this threesome. She asked you if you were ok and you lied instead of saying how you really felt and what you needed. You’re being sulky that she didn’t mind read, when you admit you lied.
I am not sure what you thought threesomes were going to be. If you are the kind of person who gets jealous, or just wants sex to always involve you as opposed to sometimes just watching or taking turns, then you found out the hard way that threesomes aren’t for you. No amount of rules are going to help if watching your partner pleasure someone else makes you insecure. I mean, that’s inherent in threesomes. Otherwise, why is the third there? Just for you? Just as a foreplay tool for you two? Yeah, no. No amount of rules will help if you say you are fine instead of speaking up and stopping things.
You were fine fucking this girl, but now that you feel insecure you don’t even want your gf to be friends with her. You wanted this threesome, but now you feel like your gf cheated. There’s a reason why unicorn hunters have a bad rep and this kind of jealousy and drama is why.
Threesomes aren’t for you. They aren’t right for a lot of people. Admit that you made a bad decision. Then compounded it by lying instead of speaking up. But don’t try to retroactively pin this on your gf or police her friendships.
And yes, I have had threesomes. Yes, I wasn’t always the center of attention. Yes, we staid friends after and I didn’t get jealous of my gf’s friendships. Definitely not for everyone.
Rip the bandaid.
Girl, he is going to slap you in the face someday. He will. This is why he is dating someone 10 years younger, because an older woman would most likely run away from him.
This is not a sexist take, it affects one man and one woman, if genders were reverse my take would be the same and it would affect one man and one woman.
Further, this is not a job related lunch. It is literally a lunch tradition. Going even further, because everybody is absent, it is not even a team building exercise, because there is no team.
There is no expectation in his job to have a 1 on 1 relationship with this woman, from what it sounds like, so there is no expectation that he should have an intimate lunch with her. They are part of a team, not partners.
Lastly, trying to turn this into some sort of “you’re a woman hater” situation is extremely toxic and the world would be better without that kind of attitude. His girlfriend is uncomfortable and she has every right to be, the co-worker and her relationship with the boyfriend is irrelevant in this situation. She does not have a right or vested interest in him outside of work.
The fact he keeps trying to assure you how “harmless” it is and that it wasn’t a “betrayal” is honestly very concerning. He knew he did wrong, he admitted as much, but then he tried to backpedal and what? Try and make you believe this is innocent and acceptable behavior? It’s neither of those things. He’s on a slippery slope right now, please keep your eyes open OP and protect your heart.
She meant with her you goofball