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  1. I also have CPTSD from childhood and it took me probably 7 years to be able to properly cry in front of my husband. I used to do the silent crying. Now I can trust he’ll hold me while I ugly sob. It was a huge indicator that he’s someone I feel totally comfortable around, that I trust him completely.

    You and OP both deserve that, too. Doesn’t sound like OP’s ever going to get it from her partner :/

  2. I wouldn't feel compelled to say anything. If it comes up in conversation, then you should tell him. He will likely be surprised and ask why you never said anything. At that point you can just say you used to be very self conscious about it (not anymore).

  3. I'm wondering as well since OP felt guilty about LISTENING to pornographic audio while visualizing SO. Did this really cross a boundary with authenticity? Or is OP manifesting a reaction to something SO would actually find flattering?

  4. No, you are not losing her.

    You already lost her.

    No, you are not insecure – but you should face the truth of you situation.

  5. Thank you very much for this very constructive comment. Some people here are just willing to insult you over anything. I actually approached it in a very open way, but those answers were just incoherent. I dont even need to make sense of it i just need to know im not at fault somehow in it all, but that was never the sense i got from her. I swear i was laughing about it until she started explaining it, thats when my mind was like ok there is something here i dont know. But yes mentally its gnawing at me

  6. He broke up with you. Why is this hard. He has given you so many reasons to walk away. Just do it and get some self respect.

  7. Time to break up. I assume she loves it since she wanted a short haircut and she will find someone who digs it and you can find a new GF with long hair.

  8. You're right, You come across as shallow.

    Is he a good man that provides for most of your needs? Did he even get ANY gift at the appropriate time, showing at least he cared enough to do so? He didn't HAVE to do anything.

    Men aren't as interested minute details in people's interests and tastes as women are…it's in our wiring. Expecting him to perceive things as you do, is a mistake.

  9. Lots of couples sleep in different rooms and her sleep is important. You're staying up because you want to while she's sleeping because she has to in order to have enough sleep to care for baby.

    If you're staying up so much, how much night work are you doing for baby?

    I'd think you gaming so much when you have a baby will hurt your relationship far far worse. You've got a baby. Hobbies go away for a bit. That's what you signed up for.

  10. Time. You need time to get to know the other person, so you can make informed decisions like being exclusive, moving in together, buying property together, or creating life together.

    These are not decisions to leave to chance or whim. You need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your partner will be a safe harbor not only for you, but any children you may have together.

    Dump him, get therapy. He showed you who he is. Move on to better things. You’re right, your future kids, and you above all, deserve so much better.

  11. And again, didn’t see the ages in the post either that is now deleted so I’m going off of the information I have.

  12. When I see videos about these really cringey dudes who stalk or harass women, I always wonder to myself “How in the world to these guys not see how creepy they are? How are they so oblivious to think what they are doing is ok?”


    Leave her alone. For some weird reason, you don't see how absolutely over-the-line, creepy, and inappropriate you are being… but she does, her friends do, her co-workers do, and we here on reddit do. Whatever convincing justification you have going on in your head, telling you that this is ok…. stop it.

    She doesn't want your messages.

    She doesn't want you to explain things.

    She does not owe you continued friendship.

    She does not need to understand your intentions.

    Leave her alone. And if your therapist told you to message a woman that clearly told you to leave her alone, either you are warping what they said to fit your agenda, or your therapist should find a new career.

  13. she said it's tiny and no one cares.

    How clueless, truly is she. A swastika quite simply doesn't fly. And I understand it putting you off

  14. Say “you're free to explore without me in your life”. Like a lot of other comments, it's over she's made her mind up and you won't change her mind

  15. I think it’s safe to trust him here. He’s been through enough with this crazy woman, cops literally walked in on her beating him and now she’s trying to ruin his future relationships. Don’t let her have one more minute in your head without paying you for it.

  16. I saw some people commenting this and thought it's important to say. Don't make it a public spectacle. This sister will start the most unbelievable smear campaign you could ever imagine. does not matter if most people don't buy it some will and this will hurt your wife. It will cause family drama and then everyone is involved and your wife will spirals even harder than she has before since now it would be direct attacks on your and her character. Do not make a public statement about this about how she sexually harassed you. Do the the no contact, get the therapy for your wife and yourself and if possible get the RO. Do not give a narcissist a public spectacle they feed off of it and will do crazy shit to attack those they feel are attacking them.

  17. Has there been any other reason that you have doubted your connection besides this?

    I have to admit, I am guilty of this myself. I have nothing to hide. If my gf requested a deep dive on my phone, have at it, but we will talk about our trust afterwards.

    However, I do subconsciously protect my phone. It feels like my diary. It is a problem of mine for sure.

    But I think most people don't want chance their privacy being invaded/exposed.

    Add an ex who went through your phone without permission and used the smallest thing against you (been there)… shits hard to give up freely.

  18. Break up. Slow break up makes no sense just pull off the band aid and move on. And honestly, hopefully learn from the experience to believe people when they tell you their plans for the future.

  19. Literally, how can you defend an abuser like this? On birthday you're on here defending your abusive husband?!

    Also, if there's no kids involved, why are you choosing this every day? Not saying people who have kids should stay but at least they have some kind of reasoning for enduring the abuse.

    You're 26 and have literally you're whole life ahead of you and your wasting it with an abuser?!

  20. Lol how to become single and hate open relationships 101. Lol if you want to be single go ahead and ask otherwise I recommend you do a quick 20min research on what happen to people when they do open the relationship.

  21. Your girlfriend gets sexually harassed and you’re more concerned with yourself? nice. Great partner right here.

  22. Your girlfriend gets sexually harassed and you’re more concerned with yourself? nice. Great partner right here.

  23. Ok… so a few weeks back, my SO wasn’t hearing me about my dag… it was really hard cuz it was either we break up or he gets it together…

    I spoke to him. And he realized I was serious and I was ready to leave the relationship….

    His reaction after he realized I was serious is what made me relax a little and see I also needed yo compromise.

    My dog is my life… but this guy is adding to my life. And he is so delicious in e Personality and his actual taste is …

    Anyways… let him know – straight up how you feel and that your at the end of your rope and you don’t have enough slack for a knot…

    After my bf’s response to what I needed … I have also responded by not allowing my bully to sleep in the bed. When he is here or not …

    It keeps us all from getting what we need. I was tolerating it. After seeing how he struggled with the lack of sleep her big ass caused… I can’t let it go on.

    Me suffering was one thing that probably could have gone one longer Herod I put my foot down.

    Him suffering … fkn kills me. I can’t handle it. And my sweet bf needs his sleep like I do.

    Taking care of me is taking care of him. And the other way around… and my doggy gets her sleep too.

    Just be your best most open understanding self and speak to him.

    Show him the post ….

  24. Not too sure what you mean by that. I never said I was afraid of being alone. The breakup just came out of nowhere for me.

  25. In a kind and sympathetic way, I agree. It's a funny thing, but if you stop looking for validation like that from partners and put even half that energy into figuring out who you are, what you're for and what matters to you, and making that happen, your life will be absolutely amazing.

  26. Tell her that her actions caused this, that you tried to fix the marriage, but the damage caused by her infidelity was too much.

    Find a lawyer, file for divorce.

  27. If my partner did this to me I’d totally play along lol. Of course it’s fine if that doesn’t do it for you, sit him down and tell him straight up you don’t like it, and let him know what would really turn you on.

  28. Yeah, you both are still young and no income?. Think about this carefully.

    With sex, there is a possibility of pregnancy and once you have a taste of sex, there is no going back, you will keep on craving it, you guys will fuck like rabbits for sure.

    When there is nothing to tie you down together like marriage, there is no inhibitions to start thinking about, hey what else is out there, you may think that you are missing out on having better and wilder sex with other people.

  29. Yeah her actions scream self sabatoge. I know because I do it all the fucking time lol. She was getting close to OP, realized that he wanted commitment and freaked the fuck out. That doesn't mean she didn't want a relationship, but she's clearly not able to handle one right now.

  30. I think she's doing the right thing. I'd like to know about this red flag before investing too much time in someone. Unless the dude is super ugly / fat / disabled, then I'm out. I don't want to compete for my woman's attention with another guy.

  31. He could tell Jack to not be rude to his fiance. It is the total lack of boundaries and consequences within the friend group that allows this to happen. If they called Jack on this every time he was rude to someone, instead of excusing it as how he is, he would quit or find a different friend group.

    This hard place only exists because the friend group tolerates it.

  32. I’m not a drama filled person, so it’s not like I texted all of them saying him and I broke up, so three of them screenshot it and send it to me asking WTF is going on. So I told him that him and I broke up and they said well it seems very selfish of him to seem happy over something that didn’t work out.

  33. And you should be worried about your relationship because you're clearly causing it's ruin.

    First you hate that your boyfriend isn't available bc he works weekends so you make him quit. Then he makes the bold and honorable move to go back to school to get a degree and then you're mad at him for prioritizing his work? You told him to quit his job – why is it surprising that he doesn't have any money / an income? When someone is in school it is clear that they often cannot afford the luxuries of life.

    Figure out if you want to be in this relationship – otherwise don't even bother with long distance, you've checked out a while ago.

  34. Not to pick on the 4 year age gap as that is not a big deal, except that he sounds like a very young 22 year old.

  35. Hum… when you say LDR, was it from the same country? Or was it from different countries? Who moved to get closer to the other?

  36. She probably wanted more strength, support and listening. Not consoling you.

    She may be annoyed it became more about your emotions than hers.

  37. Yes it's sad to bring children into the world knowing one of the parents didn't want them. Future therapy patient in the making

  38. Does it really matter? Date who you want. For whatever reasons you want. Just treat the people you date well.

  39. Wonder if she isn’t American. My friend had a baby in Germany and was having some ppd and her doctors told her to go for a walk. Luckily it wasn’t bad but she has previous depression history and was really worried. But no one would offer up medication.

  40. Your father needs to cancel the July retreat. He needs to demand that she start attending individual therapy/counseling as a condition of remaining married. If she does not show significant improvement in 90 days, he should move out and consider filing for divorce. They can still be friends/friendly, but he can ill afford to have her suck him down the drain again financially. Under no circumstances should your father let her touch any of his inheritance. It should always remain in an account with his name only (even if he intends it for their retirement years). Once her name is on it, she is entitled to whatever % the law allows. Your father should get into individual therapy/counseling at the same time as your mother in order to get a handle on his behavior as her “enabler”. He needs to get healthier in order to establish prudent boundaries and develop the backbone to enforce them.

  41. he doesn't want to have kids with me while my current immigration status is temporary. I mentioned to him that if we get married, I could get a permanent residency, but he doesn't want to marry me for this reason. Instead, he wants me to obtain residency through work, which is a much longer and uncertain path, and that could take years.

    So he wants you to “have faith” that he's not just stringing you along, but he doesn't just “have faith” that you're not trying to marry him for a green card. Huh! All the blind faith seems to be on your side; he doesn't seem to indulge in it himself.

    Why exactly does he want you to take the longer, more uncertain, undoubtedly years long path to permanent residency. Make him spell out WHY for you. We'd all love to hear his reasoning.

  42. Lol just when I thought I’d seen it all on Reddit. Your problem is you’re embracing this tomfoolery by calling him his daughter. This is some random woman that is 8 years younger than him that he let’s watch him shower…actually this can’t be serious lmao. I’m bored but I can’t be entertaining this

  43. I didn't carry the baby tho.

    Still, he landed like a bomb in our 10 yr. marriage. A very cute, sometimes smelly, infinitely precious, unbelievably loud bomb.

    I was working a lot. A lot a lot. And she was suddenly home all the time. It was new stuff to deal with. Just change. Change. It's hard. And worth it. But very hot.

    agree, though that OP should consider physical problems his partner might be having. Look under every rock. Make it a big tent. My original point was allow for some behavior that is not a characteristic from time to time. Assuming it doesn't escalate or interfere with your relationship with her or your career.

  44. I care because it’s not is it accounting, she changes reality based in the argument at hand. It’s not just about HomePods, it’s even worse arguments, where she loops us into semantics instead of just admitting a true statement.

  45. If your boyfriend doesn't respect your boundary, he doesn't respect you. Respect yourself enough to know you deserve better.

  46. talk to your GP. Men get postpartum depression sometimes too. Counselling or medication could help. And don't be ashamed to tell people you've been struggling.

  47. Here’s the thing, I keep seeing everyone supporting you and AGREEING with you about how your fiancé puts you in a very compromising position, and cares more about archaic cultural processes than he does about you. And he does, because if he didn’t, then he would not be black mailing you into this by threatening to without love and marriage if you do not do this. Yet, littered throughout this, you keep on defending him, including here. If you don’t like that most everyone agrees with you, then why are you here complaining about it?

    With that said, how do they solve this dilemma when a father is deceased, or in other ways incapacitated from being able to give an answer? Never mind, I really don’t want to know, because traditional or not, your fiancé is not being fair to you at all and he is causing what should be a wonderful time in your life undue stress, anxiety and reopening of old trauma wounds, all for the sake of some tradition that is so important to him, that he would dump you for it. You are right, he cares more about that tradition than he does about you, your well being or what this is putting you through. Let that sink in, because this is who you are trying to marry. You say he loves you, and he might, BUT the love sure is shit not strong enough for him to over ride this tradition to put you and your emotional well being first. He does not care enough about the emotional turmoil you are dealing with to say “ok forget it! I hate seeing you suffer like this and love you too much to put you through this anymore. We will figure something else out okay?” No, instead, he has the nerve to acknowledge your pain and suffering while still doubling down on his shitty demand, still wanting you to have this trauma or else you will no longer have him. Think about it. I mean REALLY think about it. You want to marry someone who puts this kind of nonsense above you, who is showing you (thankfully before a marriage) that his relationship with you is so cheap that its a tool to weaponize whenever he wants you to do painful things?

  48. If you want to really hurt his feelings, make him feel like shit and make him feel worse and insecure then yeah OP- tell him.🙄👎🏼🤦🏼‍♀️ * what an unsupportive partner you are. Are you sure he should marry you?

  49. Tell him “Calm down Chris Chan”.

    Tho tbh that's straight up weirdo behavior to just say that out of nowhere unprompted.

  50. End it, move in with your mom to spend more time with her, and tell her you did so temporarily to get every last moment you can with her. Not a lie. Living with her is temporary.

  51. Yes, it should have been a discussion. She definitely messed up on that. But of course, it's done without consent. It is far better to have it done before you're 1 yo than when you're an adult. . And there are medical benefits. It's not just like getting your ears pierced. And for some religious cultures, it is significant for them.

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