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  1. No, I'm a woman who has been vulnerable and has had sex after being upset that found it helped to make me feel better. A lot of people have sex when they're upset, and you're acting unhinged just because I am saying that OP needs to go to therapy so she can properly establish communication and boundaries. She is putting herself at risk if she's unable to say “no” to sex because of her trauma.

  2. I would end up sleeping with my ex, if my wife and I split I mean. No way I could do Christmas w her and the kids and not, even if we hated each other our chemistry is wayyyyyy to strong.

  3. I didn't know he had fallen. I didn't watch him fall. And I think I can manage just fine being a nurse. I've been a CNA for a long time and have worked other high stress jobs.

  4. No one can help you if you’re not going to listen to the advice that is being offered. It’s your life and you have the choice in the matter, but you’re preparing your own demise by not listening to advice that you asked for in the first place. As for your update, An apology doesn’t mean shit at this point, he denied it multiple times and is now ignoring you. He didn’t apologize because he meant it, he apologized for damage control and to get you to stop bothering him. Look up DARVO. It only gets worse from here, tell his parents for the sake of his little brother – witnessing domestic violence can be traumatizing for a child. Get out while you can before it gets even harder.

  5. Hello /u/Out-exit4,

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  6. Run.

    Anyone who puts their hands on you in anger, let alone while you're holding a five month old baby and around your neck…. just no. Run.

    He is putting a show, it will not be the last time he has physically harmed you amd it will not be the last time he ever makes you feel like it's your fault.

    It is NEVER your fault.

  7. Even more sad is that men also discriminate. I so often see guys laughing about cases like this, especially if a guy gets SA by a woman…

  8. “She has said she would abort the baby if I didn’t stay with her” holy mother of manipulation fucking leave

  9. Yep. Funny thing about SSRIs, they give you serotonin but can absolutely kill your dopamine production. So she's not depressed in her head, but with no motivation/reward system, she still acts depressed.

  10. If anybody says anything the cousin should probably say something. If bro and girl were committed at the time of cousin incident the girl is deceptive and won't say anything. If cousin didn't know girl was committed he did nothing wrong she did.

  11. Stop it! Stop defending him. He may (or may not) have a mental illness but he chose to marry the OP knowing he was obsessively in love with someone else. He continued the ruse and has lied for years about the truth to the detriment of everyone around him. He refuses marriage counselling and help or any suggestion for change and betterment. Why should she continue to push help on someone who refuses help and change? No one forced him to marry her. No one forced him to have kids and online a lie for 20 years. He CHOSE those things even though he knew he could never be available emotionally. Even though he knew he was taking away OP’s opportunity for true happiness and companionship.

    We aren’t demonising her husband for having a mental illness. He is being demonised for pushing the pain and anguish of his illness’s side effects on his wife and children. And has continued to lie and gaslight her about the true reason behind all that pain and anguish. He didn’t have to do any of that. He could’ve left OP alone to go on and marry someone else. Someone who she wouldn’t have to strive for. Someone who appreciates her and loves her. Someone who doesn’t lie and demonise her on internet forums to strangers. Someone who doesn’t minimise and demonise her own struggles with mental illness.

    Please stop using this poor woman’s tragic relationship failure to platform your crusade for limerence awareness and understanding. It’s not fair on anyone. It doesn’t help OP. It doesn’t help you. It doesn’t even help her husband. But your insistence and cross posting could put her in danger if he sees this post and his delusions cause him to now see her as an obstacle he needs to eliminate. Shame on you.

  12. If this was me, and I had ended a relationship with a person and had cats together, I can tell you, with no hesitation, that I would try to see the cats and only the cats. I was together with a guy who had a cat from before we knew each other so when we broke up I knew I couldn't ask to take the cat, because he was his cat from before, but I missed the cat so much. The cat, not the guy at all. So take her at her word that she only misses the cats, don't assume she misses you unless she says so.

  13. You are an idiot. You cheated on his mom, divorced, and you are currently with your affair partner. Your son was obviously upset because you are a cheater! Yet, you think his mom influenced his way of thinking? So you think a 20 year old would what, give his dad high-five for cheating on his mom? No, he is a grown ass man that can think for himself and that saw the damage you did to the family.

    Nine years later, your son invites you to his wedding, and you decline because he does not want your affair partner at his wedding!!! You even send him a poorly written message in which you make yourself a victim and attack his mom??? So AGAIN, you choose your affair partner and your dick over your son.

    You also call him selfish? You are the selfish asshole that cheated. You are the selfish one who thought only about yourself over your ex-wife and your son.

    He is not going to answer. Why would he????? You insulted him and played the fucking victim! You are not a victim!

  14. I understand!! I was in the military, my husband was a civilian. I was away from home a lot, and for long periods of time. All I wanted was to go home, and be home. Whenever I would come home, all he wanted was to go go go! I never understood why he didn’t travel while I was deployed. We lived in Europe and he could have gone anywhere, but he said he wanted to go places with me. I finally had to stand up for myself. I got home from some sandbox (I really don’t remember which one) and he had a trip lined up for us. I was exhausted. We did the trip, but afterwards I had to explain to him how tired I was. He had to hear the words to understand that all I wanted was to be home. If you haven’t told your wife that you need to be home for a while she won’t get it on her own. You have to tell her. It doesn’t have to be an argument if you think ahead about how to say it.

  15. Nah it really sounds like everything is gonna be fine at work. Now, it does seem like you’re under and immense amount of pressure and stress and that’s probably what’s causing you to be so worried about this. As someone who’s in calm waters looking in from the outside, I really can assure you it seems fine, if the story you told here is what happened. Focus on getting all the other aspects of your life worked out, but your job should be fine.

  16. What do you do? You break up and find someone who isn’t useless. You’re wasting your time with someone who acts like a child.

  17. I suspect she was trying to create an anchor to keep you tied to her using the money in the fund. If I'm right, it sounds like someone who is insecure. How insecure, I don't know. I can't see the logic in it any other way. In other words, she didn't trust you. If she doesn't; beware.

  18. I was getting the same vibe, like all the concerns he brought forward were so quickly dismissed or defended or put in “air quotes” to seem really passive aggressive/dismissive

  19. I mean, she was screaming in his face, he tried to remove himself from the situation, she prevented him from doing so. What else was he supposed to do? Her behavior was trashy and hostile. She is not the victim in this situation.

  20. You are extremely young to lose a parental figure. I hope you have love and support from other sources. My dad has been gone for 4 years now, my grandma much longer, and I am always noticing ways they online on through me. Cherish the parts of you that you recognize as her, whether it's an interest you shared or a personality quirk you picked up or something she instilled in you about viewing or interacting with the world. Those were gifts she probably didn't even consciously realize she was giving you, but she gave them to you nonetheless, so you will always carry her with you even if you lose every material possession you have. Sorry if that's cheesy, just how I feel about it and been my experience.

    In terms of your relationship ending, you have gained strength and probably a lot more emotional self-sufficiency and resilience, even though you had an episode (I've gone through similar enough, that doesn't undo the other parts). Your ex, on the other hand, has now also gained the title of “cheater,” and the knowledge that he abandoned his partner as she coped with a close family death. His new girlfriend is going to probably have these things nag at her, especially because he was going to try to visit you.

    What he said was a low blow at a time you were vulnerable to avoid accountability and send you reeling. He could've said, “I'm sorry, I don't think I ever forgave you for when you cheated, but I didn't want to hurt you this way” or something. Instead, he got to feel like he won… at being a shitbag. Congrats, I guess.

    Please only look forward from here.

  21. Sweetheart you need to block him on everything and keep him blocked. I had a friend who was in this cycle for a decade. I dated the guy back in like middle school and it’s the only fight we ever had (granted I didn’t know they had a history). Fast forward to when I’m set to get married. She goes back to sending him nudes, getting all upset that he has a girlfriend (who is now his wife I might add), started getting mad at him, and then lo and behold she kept him from attending my wedding despite him being a good friend of mine because he doesn’t want to deal with the drama of seeing her. He’s now married and I’m willing to bet she’s still pining over him. She’s almost 30 and has only ever had 1 serious relationship because she’s been so stuck in this cycle. Please do not be like her. Get rid of that asshole before he has a chance to hurt you worse.

  22. Some places I can, but not the high end fancy steak houses. I swear you can make the same exact steak at home for much cheaper. However I’m willing to spend money on some good seafood.

  23. It's a matter of trust. You trusted her with your card and she proved to you she cannot be trusted.

    I would ask her for the money back and break up with her.

  24. That’s the perfect way to put it, thank you so much. The way I’ve been looking at it is what happens if I buy us a apt/house in the future, just for her to takeoff as soon as she gets a good job offer? Obv everyone should put themselves first in regards to goals and lively hood, but we had goals to do this and Ive sacrificed a lot to make things work with us. I know if the tables were turned she would be going crazy and I’d probably be getting bashed by all her friends for “switching up the plan” on her. Thanks again for the advice you’ve really helped a lot

  25. I’m sorry to tell you but this relationship is abusive too. You are trauma bonded to this man and are in the middle of an abuse cycle. I’m sure he knows how dependent you are on him emotionally so he can play you like a fiddle whenever he doesn’t get his way.

    It’s a hot thing to see clearly when you are deep in it. Start by educating yourself about narcissism, trauma bonds, and start actively seeking support outside of the relationship (friendships, family, counselor, therapist). You need to learn how to be ok on your own and you need to step outside of this toxic bubble of your relationship. It is a hard road but it is so worth it. In the meantime don’t get pregnant!!!

  26. He may have premature ejaculation.

    It could be medically addressed or behaviorially addressed. For instance, he could masturbate earlier before sex to see if that extends his duration. You can try different positions that don't apply the same pressure or sensations.

  27. This is going to get worse.

    You can't have people touch you, then it's going to become you not being able to go out without him. He will push little by little until you don't have any friends. And it will happen gradually, you won't notice it as he escalates it (as he's already been doing).

    You've already gotten to the point where this is blatant toxic jealousy and asking people “is this fucked up?” if you have to ask that, then yes, it is fucked up.

    He either trusts you or he doesn't. He sounds like an insecure, controlling, abusive person and you need to stop this now before he locks you in a cell.

  28. You're not describing snooping at all, in any sense of the word. Scrolling your feed is completely different from reading your private messages. He confirms he was snooping in the comments so he clearly did not have permission like you give your girlfriend.

  29. Ah. But the thing is, you don’t. And you shouldn’t. You’ve not been together very long – not even two years. It’s really too soon to move in together, and the decision shouldn’t be driven by lease dates.

    That he’s pressuring you to move in with him as proof of your feelings isn’t a good sign at all. It’s ALWAYS smarter to have an escape hatch in case things go south. No one has a crystal ball, after all.

    What difference does it make that his lease is up in June? If you’re moving into his place, he’s renewing his lease anyway.

    I still think it’s smartest to continue to online as-is until your lease is up. If money isn’t an issue, who cares how much time you spend at each apartment?

    I’m slightly unnerved by the fact that he’s willing to take the entire financial hit of you breaking your lease. Seems like a high-pressure sales tactic to me. He’s making it nearly impossible to tell him no.

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