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Date: December 20, 2022
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The problem I see here is that OP is downplaying an obvious mental illness in her MIL, which led to her leaving her alone with her children. MIL should definitely not be left alone with the kids. I also believe that it's unfair to just kick her out over this, as a lot of her actions may be genuinely out of her control. It seems like when OP and her husband are there, she's much more manageable. It's unfortunate, and OP may not like it, but she may also have to babysit MIL while she's around for the holidays.
It's pretty common for parents to not want their kids' (even adult kids) sleeping with an unmarried partner in their house. It's a generational and sometimes cultural difference. It's not homophobic unless they'd treat a man differently. If anything, it's the opposite. They're acknowledging you two have a sexual relationship and they don't want premarital sex in their home.
That said, you don't have to put up with that. Get a hotel or visit different family instead. Don't ask your gf to cut them off, ofc, but find options that work for you. Or suck it up and sleep in different bedrooms. You live! together, a break might be nice 🙂
Find a partner who wants monogamy.
I would be bothered as well. Don't get me wrong. If I see an attractive girl I look. My wife knows and does not care. I watch porn too and she knows.
To me it goes a bit far when you start following all these “models”. He is obviously lying that IG puts that on his feed. I only get dogs, cars, memes, and tattoos. He is getting fed those girls bc he follows them or views their images often.
We are all human, and its fine to look, but when you obsses enough to have all those images it is disrespectful.
If my wife followed all these half very hot guys I would be hurt.
So many red flags, that this post almost seems fake. Run! He is dangerously manipulative & you are an easy mark. Run.
I just want this comment to be on every highway sign on her next commute to work.
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Don't stick around longer. I made that mistake. I had a boyfriend who wanted to sleep with one of my coworkers. he literally begged me on his knees to let him go after her. I said no, and he didn't do it, but it was a horrendous fight at the time and caused me a lot of heartache. Why I stuck around I will never know. I wish I hadn't though. I should have ended a lot sooner than I did.
start by calling out your sister and laying the full blame at her feet.
You have a lot of trauma to work through and right now, you’re using this relationship as a coping mechanism to ignore your pain instead of dealing with it.
Go. To. A. Licensed. Therapist.
People can do what they want, of course. But you don’t have to hang out with him anymore.
Do you have family that can support and back you up? Like your parents that own the house that can be there to inform him in writing he has to leave by a certain date then be there to help escort him out? As the original comment said it might be helpful for you if to consult a lawyer to formally evict him if he won’t listen. Then the police can be called to help physically move him out. Here’s the good news. He doesn’t pay you money now so you aren’t dependent on him for money. You should consult a lawyer about setting up a legal child support agreement as well. That will be legally enforced and will be consequences if he doesn’t pay.
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I think the problem seems to be more that she won’t inform them that she is in a relationship.
If they disappear if they find out she’s not available and not interested, then they’re not her friends. Also, she is kinda leading them on and allowing them to think they have a chance for a looong time until they give up. That’s not a nice thing to do.
I would not be happy in a relationship where my bf wouldn’t tell his female friends about me out of fear he’d lose them (or their attention, I guess). I’d get out of that situation.
You should dump him. Age gap aside, he’s a liar and won’t stop. You deserve better
I haven’t threatened these things.
I told tell him (in a very different context) about how many years before I met him, I attempted suicide once. I did reassure him I have worked on myself since. I have medication, I go to therapy, etc.
It means that if you have an emergency or you have a problem and need to talk to someone, you can call her.
No, it doesn't mean you can show up on weekends or that she is going to feed you.
Ouch.
I had a gf make out with a mutual (lady) friend one time. I have a strong sense of people hiding things and I asked, she trickle truthed it.
I was more mad she hid it than that she did it, in my case. The trickle truth is so traumatizing.
So, let me throw it out there that you DON'T OWE HER ANYTHING. If you want to ghost her, ghost her. That being said, though, I wouldn't give her an opportunity to create the narrative in her head that you just up and left her and let her spin that story to her friends, family, etc. Again, that's just me, and you 100% don't have to do this since you don't have a dog in the fight, anyway. I'd send her all the messages, screenshots etc that she has and THEN completely cut off contact, forever. Let her wallow in KNOWING she lost something special and that she will NEVER get the comfort, or satisfaction, of being able to gaslight you. She may still spin that story to her friends, family, etc if she thinks she can get away with it, but I believe it'd be far less likely she'll try it if she thinks they'll reach out to you.
OP, how does social media make you feel? I’d say if it makes you happy or feel more connected with your friends then don’t stop.
Under what conditions do you feel it's justified, then? If you feel that one is obligated to sacrifice their health to the point that they're sick in order to stay with a partner who mistreats them “because of illness,” then when is it ever okay to leave at all?
It’s true it has nothing to do with him being mean. I probably should’ve left that part out. My trust in professionals to diagnose people correctly is not too good, as I’ve been misdiagnosed by several psychologists before getting the right diagnosis recently. I too hope he sais it’s something I’ve been pushing.
He gave you the reason: he enjoys the silence.
Listening to people talk takes energy. Thinking up things to say takes energy. Not doing either is relaxing.
Did he actually confirm this with her? Weird that he would trust the word of a college roommate from years ago over his girlfriend.
It’s fine that a prenup is not going to happen no matter how many people try to convince you they are good. And it’s fine that you are willing to be with him without marriage and keep your finances separate. But that means one of will own the house and the other will be a renter. Buying a house together without being married is always a disaster. And you can have children without being married. But whatever your idea of marriage is doesn’t seem to be his and that can lead to problems in the relationship whether you are married or not.
You do what you’re doing. You give her space and leave everything in her court. If she wants to be friends again she’ll reach out.
Also who would bother hacking a tinder account? Fakes and catfishes are already crazy in live! dating. Who would waste time breaking into an account when you can just make one to scam others with?
No, absolutely no, I'm just thinking about this and I wanted to ask if I'm wrong
I would give him what he's asking for. Absolutely. But I would demand he go down on me first.
Seems to me you waste a lot of time discussing no win hypotheticals and then judging your wife because she doesn't play this intensity dare game with you the way you think she should. Poor thing.
You have men on your planet? What they for? Ooooohhhhhh
Damn. That’s poignant. And also hilarious.
As someone who wants to quit really badly, that hits me, man.
How can you still love someone who you have witnessed actively hating your own child? How is that not the biggest turn off in the world? I couldn't stay in a relationship with someone who was cruel to a pet let alone my own innocent young kid.
lolz he should be paying you for these services. do yourself a favor and dump this ball and chain.
In some cases I do, and these are the only friends that have lasted. Even then, she finds some reason why they are a bad influence or plant ideas that they are just trying to use me, and tries to drive a wedge between me and them.
As far as family, neighbors, and other couples, it's very difficult for it to not be a package deal. Example: neighbor has bad experience trying to be friendly with my wife. Now that's how they know us.
u/throwra232948 If he can't give you basic respect and actively chooses not make you a priority when you are literally face-to-face with him, then he doesn't deserve another second of your time! You need to recognize your worth and demand more than the bare minimum out of the men you date.
It's always a partners job to communicate and help guide you through things in life you might not be fully equipped at the time to handle on your own. Both genders.
Is it my job to get my girlfriend to stop crying when she misunderstands something I say or do? No, and you logically would be inclined to agree. But I'm going to do it anyway because I love her.
No, but I’d like to give clarity to him if I could
He tells me if I say no hes taking it anyway so I just keeo quiet
He tells me if I say no hes taking it anyway so I just keeo quiet