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  1. Aye you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

    Seems to me you need someone who's willing to conform to more conservative gestures just to hold the peace. Some people have morals and can't do this. I fucking wouldn't, ima speak my mind.

    Times have changed but it's very hot to teach older people this since their so accustomed to their norms. I learned later on in life some people just aren't worth arguing with. I don't think he was in the wrong, you guys are adults and she's pestering you. (how much clearer do you need to be? why does she need to know exactly when? Does she need u? No. It should be enough that she knows where you are and what ur doing and u already gave a time frame. why the fuck is she calling again the following day? Oh cause of entitlement?)

    Yes I get it she's “concerned” (with Asian parents i think this is more of an excuse, I feel like the main reason is due to control and superiority) but you gotta rip the bandaid off sooner or later. She's going to continue to treat you like a child. Especially since your Asian, Asian parents are smothering. They also believe in old age = automatic respect (which nah not for me I treat everyone the same UNLESS they have a mental disorder)

    Respect goes both ways. And honestly you didn't hear the convo, your mom could be exaggerating more, especially since she's older. the way she view things could be more extreme than the reality present. I honestly wouldn't doubt that she started with a tone first and he just reciprocated that. In turn making her more hostile and vice versa.

  2. As adults we continue to have situations where we encounter what could otherwise develop into a relationship if other conditions were right. That we are in a relationship doesn't stop that from happening. What's important is how someone reacts when that situation happens. Your bf did pretty much exactly what he should have. He recognized there was a spark there and rather than pursue it he did what he could to back himself out of the situation.

  3. You walking out should have been the last contact you had with him. The dude sounds like one massive red flag. You deserve to be with someone who will respect the things you do and do not want to do and when you say no it means no. Not trying to coerse you into things you are uncomfortable with.

  4. This is a very complicated situation so I'm going to try to be as unbiased as possible here. Full disclosure, I'm a guy, happily married, and have children. When we decide we no longer want to have any more children, I'll be the first person to head over to the doctor and get snipped. From that perspective, I want to just agree with you that he should do it.

    But at the end of the day, it's his body and his choice. You're obviously also dealing with some (seemingly very conservative) cultural issues here. No matter how we (as in myself and anyone else commenting) might feel about any of that, our feelings are irrelevant. That's simply how it is.

    Like you obviously know, a tubal ligation is a much more serious procedure than a vasectomy. That your doctor advises against it should logically end the discussion, although I would say that you should get a second opinion as anyone should when it comes to serious medical issues.

    Regardless of all that, why do these have to be the only options? I get that you had a pregnancy scare, but at the end of the day it was a freak occurrence. Birth control is still very much a reasonable option. There's also the option to use condoms.

    The bigger problem here is that this has opened you up to the real issues in your relationship which are deeper than this situation. At this point, you should consider yourself lucky that you don't have children. Knowing that, why would you stay with someone who doesn't give a flying fuck about you?

  5. At 31, you know if she's a relationship you want to move forward. Hell, you've already answered your own question.. she's not someone you're willing to compromise for at all so you do not like her like she thinks you do.

    Do her and yourself a favor and break it off. Doesn't mean you can't reconnect later but she definitely deserves to be able to make life altering decisions based on the truth.

  6. Do you think i should tell him if he repeats it again we are done? This is going to be our first very serious talk so i don't really know how it's the best way to do it. We are totally going to talk in person not on text. I also text him and tols him if we could meet up because it would be very important. He is going to see it when he wakes up because it's almost 4 am here.

  7. When I brought this to his attention he called me sick and asked if I was implying he wanted to have sex with his sister etc when I didn’t say that at all.

    You should have answered “yes, that's exactly what I'm implying, what's the fucking deal?”

  8. Hello /u/chimchiminie123,

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  9. OP, you were groomed at 16 by an adult. That is disgusting, and now his even older brother is trying to fuck you. Please come to your sense and escape these people.

  10. I appreciate that, but after careful consideration I think he still views me as who I used to be. He's been gone for months at a time and I think I rushed into a relationship as at that time I don't think he was even back for more then two months. I dont think he had the chance to know the real me.

  11. Wow, you sound pathetic! Your gf did raise the issue to you, but you were too gutless to discuss it with your father, you think it's no big deal and ok that he is sexually assaulting her as long as it doesn't impact you. Grow up, your father is in the wrong here and you should be supporting your gf but you were too much of a coward and obviously don't respect her enough to support her and stop someone from assaulting her.

  12. Your fiancés brother is in love with your fiancé. Quite simply that’s the horrible, sad truth. He’s jealous of you and your relationship. Thus is why he has disrupted your dates, interrupted your sex life, stolen your medication (and cats!). And your fiancé is enabling him.

    Do not marry this man. His elder brother will always be involved in your marriage. He will be like an interfering evil mother in law.

  13. Is your uncle, another family member or a friend able to come pick you up? Unless he has you chained to his steering wheel there’s nothing he can do to stop you from leaving.

  14. Dude – give her a chance and end it. She can say she trusts you… she’s just being nice. You’ve done more damage to her than you realize and thinking you can “fix” it or move past it is the height of selfishness and narcissism.

    You downloaded Tinder. That’s not a “moment of weakness”… that’s deciding you want to pursue other women or shop your options.

    Say it all you want. But you don’t do that while you’re “in love”.

    Your partner deserves better and you need to go fix yourself before starting or restarting a relationship.

  15. The lesson here is, if you are physical match, then if he spends a lot of time and attention on you, he is interested. There should be no confusion on your part.

    Sounds like he is trying everything he can think of to hint, without scaring you off in case you are not interested.

    Easiest thing, just hold onto him. Snuggle close that is all you have to do.

  16. So there is a reason everyone says big ages differences with partners doesn't work. This is one of those examples. There is no reasonable reason why he'd have a woman stay the night, yet you're already defending him.

    So if he can lie to your face like this now and it has only been a month, what will he be able to do in a year?

  17. In my half awake state I haven’t been able to work it multiple times and end up deleting the damned app when it won’t stop

  18. I actually have to disagree with you here. First, just because we are conscious intelligent beings, doesn’t make the fact that we are evolved monkeys in heat not real lol. Also, The scent of other people is our bodies way of telling us that we’d be a good physical match since our immune systems would align…. or some other shit lol. It’s a reason why I (a male) hate the way other males smell.

  19. Just because he’s not well adjusted doesn’t mean he’s a predator. Compatibility is determined by one’s stage and experiences in life, not their age itself. Say you have an 20 yr old male who has no kids and no serious long term relationships. He goes on a date with 2 women- one is 38 has never been married and is childless. The other is 20 also but has 2 kids with her high school boyfriend. Chances are he’d be able to relate to the 38 yr old better despite the age gap. Because they’re in a similar stage of life in a lot of ways. Just curious, if OP was the older one would you have the same reaction?

  20. You aren’t gonna get any valid advice on Reddit. People are obsessed over age differences or trying to project their own life tragedies onto you.

  21. That’s ridiculous. Having one parent be out of the house once or twice a week is extremely reasonable. Do you also think parents shouldn’t have hobbies, friends, go to the gym, or otherwise have any time away from their kids on a regular basis?

  22. I feel so bad for people that post on here with serious issues. All they do is get shit on by the worst postes word vomiting all their projection all over the comments like some sort of ghost of Christmas past rattling chains and howling that you're forever your worst mistake, no redemption for anyone.

    This sub is perfectly suited for petty fights between twenty something's arguing about how to decorate an apartment, not a married couple looking to overcome a serious life event.

  23. Yeah, MIL has a thing about everybody staying together. I normally let my partner deal with it since it’s his parents, but it’s gotten a bit out of hand recently. The whole family came to visit us last year and since we only have one place for guest to sleep they had us stay in a hotel with them and board our doggy. It was ridiculous but the trip was for MIL’s bday and my partner didn’t want to rock the boat -_- He’s pretty much willing to push back about everything but sleeping arrangements

  24. Just tell her sorry but you’re not feeling it anymore. That way you can just keep things civil in the group and move on with grace. No need to make anything more of it.

  25. the answer is obvious- go no contact. End this finally. End this so your kid isn't dragged into it.

  26. Sounds like your fiancé might act a whole lot different when he’s around jack and the rest of his friends

  27. She sounds super immature and possibly bipolar. Probably best for you to just walk away.

  28. I bet he's the kind of guy that also says “toxic masculinity isn't real”. If you've already been to couples therapy and he's still acting like, and doubling down on his reaction, it's not going to get better and you should start planning to divorce.

  29. Just asked my partner about this ( he’s a photographer ) and he said yeah…definitely weird. He said it would’ve made sense for a female photographer to take these but not a friend.

    I do think however your wife probably just didn’t think about it because she didn’t see your friend as any threat or like was just comfortable enough with him because she already knew him and that’s probably why she didn’t have any issue with it but .. yea i would still be pissed.

  30. You have no idea how right you are about me learning to say no! Thank you I'll listen to that advice!

  31. This. I had it at the start of having sex. Because it was painful to lose my V-card, I associated the pain with it and would tense up. It took a lot of mental gymnastics and some time for me to begin to relax and associate the good feelings with PIV, and it’s extremely rare for me to get it now. Don’t discount what your brain can make your body do.

  32. You don't have to understand why he feels this way, you have to understand it's a line that he has. There are many people who don't want to hear about who their partner thinks is attractive. And there are people who don't care. You are dating a guy who doesnt' want to hear about it. This isn't like talking to your friends. You will have to accept that if you date him.

    And the face is a body part.

  33. You read my mind. If you're not ok with it that's fine. You don't have to be! Don't overlook your own gut feeling just because you think you should be woke about something.

  34. Your anger is misdirected. Please, please, don't out the guy. The repercussions sound awful and I know you are hurting but this is not the way.

    Your BF is a cheater. He's for the bin.

    Just a point on this part…

    'He also told my boyfriend he cross dressed with girl’s lingerie and even wore his brothers girlfriends clothes before. He’s so messed up.'

    I don't know if I have read this wrong but it sounds trans-phobic.

  35. You can’t force him to stay, but if he finds sex elsewhere it’s ‘cheating’ and the consequence should be the end of your relationship. It’s the most disrespectful thing I’ve read on Reddit today.

  36. Sexual assault victims frequently experience orgasm. Orgasms are a biological process and they do not magically make an encounter consensual.

  37. “it is a whopper of a lie. ” it’s like saying that some has had Chinese food before us a whopper of a lie. Being a virgin is only a focus if you’re young or in a Christian cult. It’s pretty wild.

  38. I would tell my son to find someone else.

    Nothing personal, but I'll always side with my kid in a situation that you described. Parents want the best, and a child's love interest juggling multiple partners is not a good look to me (as a parent).

    I would also advise my kid not to have multiple love interests simultaneously for the same reason. It cheapens all of the relationships (in my mind).

  39. You listed a whole bunch of reasons that she’d be upset if she looked through your phone, and honestly it sounds like this is a straw that broke the camels back thing for her.

  40. The bragging about money (total turn off, usually means they don’t have it or won’t have it for long) and the child visitation are two major red flags. The other stuff sounds like extreme insecurity and assholeness. In my opinion anyone who brags about their money should be removed from the potential dating list automatically.

    You can find good sex with a kind, caring and secure guy – you just need to have your priorities in the right place and know when to make a nude pass on certain men.

    Let me guess, he drives an expensive, flashy car too? I’d guess either a Porsche or a top model BMW, maybe one of those boxy Mercedes SUVs, because those are what guys who want to impress impressionable women seem to drive (at least in LA where I online).

    Please take care of yourself, you can do so much better than this guy.

  41. As a bisexual woman I completely agree. Oral sex with women is just a lot more fun, oral with dudes is a lot more work. It's not called a blow job for no reason.

  42. Now time for you to flip the switch and never talk to her again. She has 0 respect for you and doesn’t deserve any form of closure

  43. Best choice. Keep it a buck with him, then actively listen to his verbal and physical responses. Every relationship should be built on and nourished by reasonable boundaries.

  44. I can understand that it will annoy him, but coming from a person with trust issues too, I think him being vague and unclear is probably not helping your situation. You need to tell him that you'll appreciate him being a little more opened about his life and what went on in his day without you having to ask about it. Little things like that is what helped me overcome mine.

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