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  1. He tried to assure me that they're just friends because the other girl also has a boyfriend. They barely talk now and he said maybe that's why he messaged, and he said he does weird random shit when he's drunk. He says he's willing to never let himself be too drunk again

  2. Another thing is, it probably bothers you bc since he’s been with a lot of women, a lot of women want him. Idk it just a thought

  3. You're clearly overwhelmed and you know what? That's fine. That's normal. You're in a state of shock.

    So first thing? Allow yourself that shock. You're a human being, not some sort of unfeeling alien, so be kind to yourself. Your partner betrayed you, so the person who now needs to have your back more than anyone else is yourself. And that includes self-care like allowing yourself a bit of time to let things sink in.

    The truth is that this isn't some magical thing that has just happened the moment you discovered it. Your wife is the same person – a cheater – she was last week or the week before that. All that changed is that you now know about it – and yes, that does change your world completely, but what I want to say is: You're not on a timer where you need to get over everything in the next two hours or everything implodes. Depending on how you function, you can play the long game.

    If you need some time to let things sink in because otherwise you can't function, then that's what it is. Sure, you probably can't act like everything is great, so see what you can do about that – you could fake an illness and explain acting differently like that. You could claim to take a “business trip” when you are, in fact, taking a few days off to go on a small vacation to clear your thoughts. You could confide in a friend and stay at their place for a few days; the friend could cover for you and say that they are in a tough spot and need you there. Whatever – basically, you need to do what you can to go back to functioning.

    Because you are not just a husband who got cheated on. You are also a father and you need to be able to function for your kids. This means that you need to go and see a lawyer and let them help you to get your ducks in a row to ensure that you get put into a position where you can be the best dad to your kids you can be.

    And yes, this will require strength and every part about this sucks. You don't deserve to be put into this position. Your kids don't deserve it, either. But your wife didn't care about that, so instead, you need to care about yourself and your kids. Which means to first get yourself back out of this abyss and then get yourself legal help (lawyer) as well as mental help (be it actual therapy or just a good support network of friends and family who will have your back). If you find yourself suffering from the things you are experiencing now long-term, you might also need medication. And all of that is fine – it is just important that you take care of yourself. Breathe. One step after the next. Everyone here is screaming “lawyer” and that is completely correct, but just expecting someone who just had his whole world shattered to simply get up and make that call is a bit of an illusion. You need to get the proof saved ASAP and you do need to see a lawyer in short order as well, before she catches on, but it is completely fine to collect yourself first and give yourself a bit. Nothing good will come out of you being a wreck and not functioning, but still attempting things which will just lead to issues later on (like not gathering the proof or not speaking with a lawyer before confronting your wife). So take a step back for a day or two or three until you can think again and are less emotionally overwhelmed.

  4. How does she know it was the other guy? Honestly how do you know if she was ever pregnant?

    Regardless though, clearly a lot of trust has been broken. It sounds like y’all may have never established a foundation of trust.

    I don’t have an answer on what you should do with this relationship. Leaving her won’t necessarily solve your deeper problems though.

  5. He has said that, did you read the whole thing? He has trued to discuss it with her, let her know it's something he likes too, he's spoken to her, assured her, everything but she keeps denying and lying and gaslighting him, that's the problem .

  6. Wow, I can't believe this is so heavily downvoted. You are absolutely right. Statistically, the children of people who cheat are more likely to end up in marriages where infidelity occurs.

  7. If he doesn't figure out how to pay them, the debt falls onto me because they made me sign the contract since I live! here, even though my name isn't on the mortgage and we aren't married.

    You need to leave and get your own lawyer to have a look this case, and to start discussing a custody/child support agreement.

  8. I think it’s possible that it can all be down to stress. Some people cope by completely shutting themselves down. Is he acting normally with everyone but you or has he withdrawn himself a bit socially as well?

    At the end of the day all you can do is calmly but firmly tell him that you’re at a breaking point with the lack of affection and see if he’s willing to make the effort to come to the table about it.

  9. Hun you sound battered emotionally. You need to stay far away from this man. You’re being reactive but you just simply shouldn’t accept that sort of behavior to begin with. You can’t see clearly, you should step away. You asking if you ‘deserve forgiveness’ says that you don’t see how bad you’re being manipulated. This guy simply isn’t it.

  10. Not every guy is going to have a stinky red cheese dick. Don't get back with your ex because of one bad experience. He will continue to not treat you well.

  11. How long are you together? If short time, and you are already greatly attached, you should break up and be alone some time to learn independence, maybe even go on therapy.

    If you are together for long time, you should absolutely demand, being introduced to her friends, or at least for them to know about you in no uncertain terms. Should she refuse, it means she doesn't treat your relationship seriously, in which case you should break up with her.

  12. From what you e described, it’s obvious he is making time for this girl and hiding it from you. Whether he and she have the same motives or whether she even knows he’s creeping is not clear and doesn’t matter. He’s made clear what he is willing to do, even when he knows it is hurting your feelings. Unless there is something very very special about your relationship, it seems he has decided he wants something more. Just move on and don’t bother fighting it out. He knows exactly what he’s doing and is bothered by being caught rather than his terrible behavior and decisions.

  13. Imagine this was your girlfriend. She’s cheating on her boyfriend. You should get an appointment with a therapist and see how to fix yourself. Hopefully your boyfriend dumps you.

  14. I haven't slept in 24 hrs

    Don't ever do this again. Ignoring all the rest of your post, driving this tired is the same as driving after having a couple of drinks.

  15. I think the most concerning aspect about your BF is his telling you to “have faith.” Has anyone ever said that to anyone they weren’t absolutely trying to screw over? (except in jest or specifically religious/spiritual contexts)

  16. I wont contact him anyway bc he is probably very angry at me. I think i doesnt realize the sexual assault until people in this post start saying it.

  17. Next step – throw the whole man away. He now no longer exists to you, like the condoms. No time for gaslighters at your age, need a mature, healthy body man to settle down with.

  18. Your boyfriend is not a nice guy overall. He is an a-hole who is stringing you along until he finds someone else. He was a 23 year old who picked up a 17yo teenager because he is emotionally immature. If he could write those things to his friend, he does not love you. You are already long distance, anxious and depressed. Dump him and find someone who respects you and actually cares about you.

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