I (28F) lost the ring my fiancé (28M) proposed to me with and I feel so guilty.


This is my first time posting, please be nice.

I feel like I should preface this by saying I have always been a little “scatterbrained.” Among the things I have lost are:

My car keys

My wallet (I’ve misplaced this one so much that my fiancé got me one of those Apple trackers)

A very expensive work-issued laptop (I found after 3 days on the subway, a worker held it for me.)

Jewelry (fiancé once gave me a necklace and i misplaced that. Also, my mother gave me a ring when I was a young adult, lost it a long time ago)

Cash (one time I lost half the rent and i looked everywhere for it. Eventually it popped up but I don’t know how I missed it)


About 3 cellphones (I almost misplaced my new one, but I realized soon enough and went back for it)

A personal diary/book of poetry

And probably other things but I can’t think of them right now.

I should also say that I don’t really wear jewelry. I wear earrings maybe once or twice a month, and a necklace if I go out. I have not worn a ring since I lost the one my mother gave me (I can’t remember the occasion, maybe a birthday?)

A little backstory that’s relevant:

A year ago, we were discussing marriage and things. His stance is: my grandparents have been together for 50 years, and they only got married about a decade ago. I don’t think you should put a timeline on marriage. It could be 5 or 10 years before you can be ready for marriage.

My stance was: if you don’t know after 3 years that you want to marry me or not, then don’t waste my time. I see so many people (on this subreddit and social media and in my neighborhood) where the guy just leads her on for years and years. Plus I want to own a home one day and I do not want to buy a home with my boyfriend. I do not think it is legally wise to do so. Marriage is important in that if something were to happen to either of us (death, medical emergency, you need insurance etc.) then the spouse is usually covered. So I told him “you have three years to propose, I don’t care if it’s with a ringpop, when I plan to buy a house.” My family also pressures both of us. They have somewhat traditional views about commitment and monogamy. He took this as an ultimatum but said he understood.

My fiancé proposed to me last Tuesday. I was ecstatic, relieved, elated, but I also felt the same. I told him “I am marrying you not my family’s approval. The only thing I expect to change is that our tax returns will increase and we have a bundle of joy (I am 35 weeks pregnant).”

That being said, I had this beautiful engagement ring for more than a week. I had been taking it off to wash my hands and then apply lotion. I find the feeling of metal on my wet skin to be very annoying and unnatural.

I didn’t even notice that I didn’t have the ring on until yesterday, when I came home and he asked “where’s your ring?”

I immediately started searching for it among my work things but I knew I’d left it in the office. I hoped that no one would take it, like a coworker or a cleaning service person. I went back to work, but the place is locked after hours and I knew management would just say “can’t you look tomorrow?” Before I went home, he called me to check how things went and to see where I was. I sort of told him that I was out, but hearing his voice made me want to cry. I stopped by my godmothers house, whom I’m close with. I was hysterical, afraid that he’d break up with me. She told me that the ring is a material thing, and that I should be more careful, but “I don’t think he will break up with you if he’s as good a man as we think he is.” I got home last night, and before I went to bed, I reiterated how sorry I was and how devastated and ashamed I felt at losing something so important in a little over a week. He said not to worry, he has a solution, and that he’s not mad (which i found naked to believe but it could’ve been my own guilt).

I went in today and checked my desk couldn’t find it. I asked management if they could check the security cameras, and they said that they have the ring. I was ecstatic! I texted my fiancé and he called me. I took a breath of fresh air; I was so relieved.

Then he said “want to know my solution if you couldn’t find it?” I said sure and he said, “if you couldn’t find it, I would have said no problem but we would go back to being boyfriend and girlfriend. And that ultimatum you gave me? It would be a moot point. I would have proposed on my time, whether it’s 5 years or 10 years down the line.”

I was…a bit speechless. He continued, “because it would have shown me that you’re not ready. Besides it costing lots of money, it’s a symbol of our love, and you lost it in a week which is crazy. Also, it’s really embarrassing, because when the people we’ve told ask where’s the ring, what would I say? What would you say? And no I wouldn’t let you replace it, we have the baby to think about and besides that’s not the point.” (I make more than he does and and could give him the money back immediately though I’d dip into my emergency fund)

I asked him, “could we maybe compromise, and I get a tattoo and wear it for special occasions?” He said “no” and wouldn’t really say much else, just he had to get ready for work. I know what he’s thinking. Like here I spent all this money and she don’t even want to wear it.” I also see his point and just don’t know what to do. I still feel ashamed that I can’t even keep up with something so important.

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Date: September 20, 2023

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