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Lenna, 24 y.o.
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Date: October 12, 2022
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Your daughter needs a reality check. She’s right it does take a village, that’s why we have childcare centers and nannies, etc. She’s wrong in saying you don’t get to choose. You 100% get to choose. I have 3 boys, ages 5, 6, and 7. My husband and I both work full time, so we’ve always had to utilize daycare centers. My parents live local and are happy to babysit, but they both still work full time as well, and they travel a lot and do their own thing, so I know I still have to ask instead of just assuming they will watch my kids.
I can understand your daughter feeling confused by your response because there are a lot of active grandparents these days, but you’re not the one being selfish here, she is.
Well,it absolutely does take a village to raise a child,but that doesn't mean you have to be her nanny/babysitter.
Did you have anyone help you when you had kids? I'm guessing probably not? It sounds like you had to take care of the kids all yourself. I would think about that… would you have appreciated some help?
You sound bitter and burnt out. My grandma was NOT a helper to my parents. She lacked maternal instinct and my parents didn't want her helping out anyway. She wasn't a great mom to my Dad (and his brother). I've never been close to her or my grandpa. They made it clear that I was a burden to them. So my parents stopped taking us over completely. Now they are in their 90s they wonder why no one shows up to see them. I get messages all the time about going over and seeing them. How come I never show up for them? They never showed up for me. Or if they did, it was obvious they didn't want to be there.
This is the time to not blame your daughter or your grandchild for your choices that you made when you were younger. Did you not consider your choices before you became a parent,too?
Boundaries are important and expectations of your relationship with your daughter and her being a new mom and wanting your emotional support, are extremely important. Don't miss this time to bond with your kids or your grandchild. Go see a therapist to help handle your baggage, limit how much time you stay with her, and go on vacation afterwards.
“I love you and I'm thankful to be a Grandma,but my role is going to be……” “I'm not going to be able to be what you want me to be,I can't pour out of a cup that is empty.”
It's okay to not be the Grandma that always has the kids. Just come from a place of love and understanding,not bitter resentment for your own choices.
My Mom is a great Grandma and someone I can call in an emergency. She works, we don't see her all the time and her and my Dad are on vacation in Florida right now. You can have a balance. I hope you find it.