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Lilly, 20 y.o.
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Date: December 31, 2022
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If he had actually killed you, would your parents get up and say that at his sentencing?
No, he didn't block her the first time I told him I was uncomfortable. All he said the first time I confronted him was “she is making me uncomfortable too, so I'll stop talking to her.” I didn't press him beyond that because I didn't want to be controlling or demand anything and trusted that it would be enough. But when I saw her still sending him things and liking his posts and interacting with him yesterday, it really bothered me again, and that's when he finally blocked her.
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That's not an explanation of why he said that it's “good that you're so young”.
Oblivious and not realizing, or doesnt care and counts on you accepting and believing his excuses? Which you are, because he has otherwise been so amazing that you think he could be the one after two months, even when he treats you like that anytime he thinks sex could be on the table.
This guy is physically harming you, ignoring your safety, is telling you that he is dangerous by not being able to control himself, has given you an infection, keeps groping you even tho you have work in the morning and you said no…no one who have survived to the age of 30 is actually that oblivious.
This is a very specific troll I guess , i provided as much detail as possible
WHY DIDN'T HE GO TO SLEEP TO THE COUCH????? Why does HE get to kick you in a cruel way?
He is lying for whatever reason and I don't give a fuck why, but if my partner is snoring or whatever, I get my pillow and go to sleep in another room.
Ask him if he finds dolly parton feminine, cuz she talks back n gives her opinion quite often.
Your bf is sexist. Is that a deal breaker to you?
I think I would tackle this issue first before deciding to go under the knife. More often than not, people who opt for surgery before therapy end up turning to surgery more and more because, surprise surprise, the nose job wasn’t enough to overcome their insecurities.
My intention isn’t to tell you “give up on the surgery, go with your bf”. Quite possibly, even after a thorough work on your insecurities and self-esteem you would still like to pursue it. At that point – by all means, go for it! I’m merely trying to warn you that you might be applying a band-aid to a broken leg.
Yes it's the incompatibility. Some couples just have different needs and it's way better to be honest with yourselves than to push through a marriage that probably won't work out.
If it’s kept completely separate, maybe. Once it’s mingled, same with assets, it’s community property. It’s really best to operate under the assumption you’re taking responsibility for the debt, because I’ve seen it happen to plenty of people.
GROSS.
Your partner's obsession with his daughter's sex life is NOT NORMAL. Since he's 37, unless he was a teenager when she was born, she's a minor, which adds another level of disgustingness to this whole thing.
Not sure how you'd reconcile staying with someone who sexualizes his child.
I actually think you have one of the best replies!
I know what you say happens. I just don’t understand it personally.
That is wonderful advice, thank you kindly! Will take that to heart! Wishing you the best as well 🙂
You are a perfect example of what I mean.
Leave her behind besides what's needed for your kids. She's clearly playing you and lying about your friend. Also, your “friend” is a POS you should cut out of your life immediately. Stand up for yourself and don't put up with that bs. The fact it was a friend of yours is a no-go
That’s because it is
I stopped reading at 22 and 15…….I knew it would possibly get worse from there. I want a daughter so bad but stuff like this throws me left.
This is a great outcome. I am the same in my relationships. I just get focused on my own interests and necessities don't come to mind. Always willing when respectfully discussed and agreed apon.
In my experience, I will warn you that he will most likely slip back into his old habits. Don't take it to heart, and understand that it can be a challenge to build the new routine and stick to it. Just have another chat and work WITH him.
Get the house and trust fund taken care of immediately OP, while hubs is still feeling regret or remorse or whatever. Have a lawyer draw it up, nice and neat, notarized and witnessed and everything. If this is the price of re-admission, he better be for paying it pronto as a show of good faith. If he carries through quickly, maybe he truly does want reconciliation.
This kind of agreement is essentially a post-nup, and not unheard of in cheating situations. It serves as protection for the betrayed spouse and theoretically as a deterrent for the wayward spouse.
Perhaps having an actual post-nup with a penalty for further cheating is called for. He may have acquired a taste for Tinder strange after his COLOSSAL lapse in judgement. See if you can't make him REALLY pay if he does it again.
Reconciliation can't be rushed. It takes as long as it takes. Hubs should be doing individual therapy in addition to the couples', so he can figure out 1) why the F he did something so damn stupid and 2) how on earth he is going to make this up to you and regain the trust.
I'm heartbroken and mad as hell on your behalf, OP. I hope you can eventually find some peace, whether with or without hubs. Best wishes for you and your little one.
Filing a false police report is a crime and OP says she was 18 in all photos. Lying to the police will only cause her trouble not help her.
This makes more sense tbh… also i know she will never cheat… but this is finally something that makes sense.. thanks
Others have talked about the age difference and so I’ll make my issue on another topic. You said he’s an engineer. Unless he has proof I find that very hot to believe because an engineer requires several years to become a licensed engineer. I have worked for engineers as a draftsman and it takes years to become a licensed engineer.
To become a licensed professional engineer in Europe you need: a 4-year degree, preferably in an engineering discipline a passing score on the FE exam & at least 4 years of experience working under a professional engineer. So he can’t be an engineer at 24. He may be on his way to become one but the math doesn’t work to meet the requirements of an engineer. So unless he had proof I find that nude to believe and then the concerns of others makes more sense.
If he’s grooming you from 15 years old he may tell you he’s an engineer making lots of money because your family wants you to be w older mens w lots of money.
I may be wrong but I’ve worked for engineers and it’s not easy and it takes a long time
What a loser, dump him
I don’t know what state or country you are in but you can always waive you rights to being a parent. If you ex partner is found to he unfit then the state would take custody and hopefully she would be adopted to a loving family. It sounds like you ex wanted the child to keep a connection to you. He is now trying to manipulate and control you with the child. I think a legal binding agreement would have been the best option before following through with the pregnancy. The courts in USA will def award child support. You might want to get a lawyer to get in front of that portion. I have seen toxic people abuse the court system to try to control the other parent. The court is always sympathetic to the parent with the child in most instances. Good luck. Praying for the child.
I kind of agree actually lol, but at the same time asking for an apology is beyond entitled
Breakup and involve the police.
The psycho manchild shouldn't be threating anyone, get a restraining order if needed. Or you could end up a statistic.
Agree with this! I also still love this world, but I draw the line at financially supporting it.
I’m so proud of you for leaving. Please look into any resources for domestic violence survivors in your country. They can help you.
Why the hell are you still talking to him? Why haven't you told his wife?
Remorseful enough to cheat on him a second time and then hide it for years. A remorseful person wouldn't happily repeat the mistake, tell their friends, and then hide it for so long.
His need for a work space trumps your want for using the living room whenever. It’s not like you won’t be able to use it at all. Your bedroom works just fine as a place to hang out and destress if you want to be completely alone.
Bc you posted on a public space asking a stupid ass question ?
A perv does, thst is what kind
You're getting married very soon. That money, like you said, will also partly be used for both you're future. You mentioned you want to show him its not just your money but “our” money. Yet he's still being a dick about it. We live in very tough times, if 1.5mil would fall into my partner's lap, I'd be so damn happy for them. And if you trust your partner you'd know they'd use some of that for you both as a couple.
But looking at his response, honestly I'd get a prenup of I were you. You could still use the money to invest in stuff for you together but you'd have all control. He wasn't even glad you'd invest in his projects with it. He sounds so negative.
I agree with that. But in the past I told him, I prefer marriage. There is a bunch of person reasons as to why. And this is also why I don't mind waiting longer to make a decision since it is a big one.
I have a lot at stake. If I give all of it to someone, they have to be married to me. That's the most I can say
ok.
I honestly was going to ask you if doing that had any long lasting effects on your body. I was wondering about the mental aspect of it.
That really sucks that you have damage though. Im glad that it’s only minimal. That must’ve been a wild time.
I'm severely allergic to cats. Like I can't hug cat owners bad. Honestly I just wouldn't date a cat owner and if I the person I was dating got a cat I'd break up with them. I don't want to be in a situation where I have to ask someone to get rid of their pet. At the same time… I'm gonna be honest cat owners sometimes y'all can be real dicks about someone having allergies (Not saying the GF was in this case I'm talking strictly about my interactions)
It’s only the show that they’re playing for that’s for everyone. If anyone wants more that’ll have to pony up. I’ve never had a stripper only stay for the time of the show, she makes her money on the private dances after.
Indeed but he has the right to not want to be with her, for the choices she made. Simply as that.
Is OP gonna hurt women?
Of course there's gaslighting, he tells her it's her fault that he did this. OP, you really need to leave, but you're going to need a plan and somewhere to hide. The level of his rage and now blaming you is what happens just before he really beats the crap out of you, for no reason whatsoever. Soon all you'll have to do is look at him 'wrong' and he'll start pummeling you.
You aren't married, you have no kids, RUN!!! Why do you stay? Do you think you can help him? He doesn't want help, he blames you and 'makes you pay' for every perceived slight. Do you need him to put you in the hospital before you accept that you are a victim of physical and emotional abuse? He's groomed you, he always leaves that little bit of hope so he can keep you there to 'help/heal him'. I'm sorry, but there is no hope.
Go ahead and get a restraining order if it makes you feel better. It's just a piece of paper that won't stop him, and the police won't get there fast enough to save you. The statistics, according to Alexa and Google is 11% of every 231 women have a restraining order in place when the male intimate kills them. About one-fifth of the female IPH (?) victims who had a restraining order were killed within 2 days of the order being issued, about one-third were killed within a month.
Don't become a statistic. This is not the life your parents were raising for. Put a plan together, make arrangements to leave while he's gone and do it. Pack the stuff you need, the rest is material and can be replaced. A few weeks after I'd had my second child I went to a relatives funeral with a black eye and bruised/cracked ribs, but he was sorry and promised it would never happen again. It didn't, he just kept the bruises where they'd be covered by clothes instead. Please don't stay, they don't change. You really are in grave danger!
Of course there's gaslighting, he tells her it's her fault that he did this. OP, you really need to leave, but you're going to need a plan and somewhere to hide. The level of his rage and now blaming you is what happens just before he really beats the crap out of you, for no reason whatsoever. Soon all you'll have to do is look at him 'wrong' and he'll start pummeling you.
You aren't married, you have no kids, RUN!!! Why do you stay? Do you think you can help him? He doesn't want help, he blames you and 'makes you pay' for every perceived slight. Do you need him to put you in the hospital before you accept that you are a victim of physical and emotional abuse? He's groomed you, he always leaves that little bit of hope so he can keep you there to 'help/heal him'. I'm sorry, but there is no hope.
Go ahead and get a restraining order if it makes you feel better. It's just a piece of paper that won't stop him, and the police won't get there fast enough to save you. The statistics, according to Alexa and Google is 11% of every 231 women have a restraining order in place when the male intimate kills them. About one-fifth of the female IPH (?) victims who had a restraining order were killed within 2 days of the order being issued, about one-third were killed within a month.
Don't become a statistic. This is not the life your parents were raising for. Put a plan together, make arrangements to leave while he's gone and do it. Pack the stuff you need, the rest is material and can be replaced. A few weeks after I'd had my second child I went to a relatives funeral with a black eye and bruised/cracked ribs, but he was sorry and promised it would never happen again. It didn't, he just kept the bruises where they'd be covered by clothes instead. Please don't stay, they don't change. You really are in grave danger!
It's almost like women are people, with individual preferences
I’ve been married longer than you’ve been alive, and my husband has never known my weight.
He thinks you weigh less than you do? Great! Your weight is none of his business. Never tell him & you’re good.
Oh shut up. I get to be hurt.
Scroll further and see OPs clarification- she took plan b the same day and that was 3 weeks ago, she's testing to be sure.
Anyone who truly loves their partner is not going to cheat, simple as that
Maybe you are just a bit too young now and not yet fully comfortable with, well, adult things. The fact that you feel the need to use a metaphor even with a throwaway account highlights that in your heart you feel that is something to be gross in itself. That happens with young adults and usually over time you get more comfortable with it.
Or is in some sort of thyroid cults kind of pseudo religion?
If you love her, be fair to her. She doesn’t want to wait around another five years especially when it is clear that you have no real reason to not get married, you just don’t want to. The financial reason is bull because nothing is stopping you from continuing to build up your finances while you are married. Depending on what your incomes look, like, being married, can actually be financially advantageous.
So be straight with her. Tell her that you aren’t ready to get married and you don’t know when you will be. Because that’s the answer. Not this financial reasons issue. Making up reasons and excuses as to why you don’t want to get married is going to insult her intelligence. Just be honest.
It’s completely valid to not move forward with a relationship due to differences in financial situations / financial goals. Just don’t be a dick about it and part ways amicable as possible.
we’ve talked about the kissing thing and it’s definitely an agreement; just a topic that we discuss often because it’s my main hang-up right now but i really appreciate you giving me two answers—and thank you overall for your advice. i want to work on this because i do love them; and i can at least ask for more time or plan dates for days when we’re free.
They're not common among all the content that is available, it's just facts. Again, try finding some illegal content and hit me up I'll be happy to see your evidence
Ok OP you now have two choices in front of you. Firstly you can drop your facade and tell your gf that dating her and Jenna is too much, especially as you never actually consented to dating Jenna.
OR you can keep your facade up, accept Jenna as a part of your life and in ten years time you'll get to sit outside the maternity ward waiting for someone to tell you if you have a son or a daughter because Jenna is your wife's birthing partner.
Ok I'm being obtuse but in reality it kinda seems like something that could happen.
Unless he directly asked you less is more. There’s a reason you’re not telling him because you know he’s probably not gonna react well, and since you’re married, this is not gonna be you lose your boyfriend. This could be you lose your marriage. I would be honest with him as far as when you’re talking about that I would also not volunteer too much. It happened before you knew him if you’ve been a good partner to him, and are faithful and wanting to be married let the past go.
That's a different person you're responding to, dummy.
Sorry if porn gave you ED, but projecting isn't going to change anything, either.
No i like her very much. She is a good person.There are some things that she does i don't like.
This guy is a jackass. Just cut contact. You deserve better and you don’t owe him shit.
She is having an emotional affair. In most people's eyes, this is cheating. Ask her if she would be happy if you were doing that. But I'd tell her I'm done.
Well, technically he wanted to see me Saturday (not Friday). He wants me to come over Saturday, Sunday, Monday. I wanted to come over today as a treat in addition to those days and he said no, that I can come over tomorrow and he would like that so he can get some alone time today after having his father over for the past week.
I just feel I pushed him to see me tomorrow when it wasn’t his original plan. He said he would love to have me over tomorrow but I can’t help but feel that he is just doing it for me and that it may make him feel more burnt out.
If he said he’d like me over tomorrow is it fair to go over, or should I cancel since I feel I pushed him in the direction of inviting me over?
Whose dildo was it?
Remember that you two are a team. I doubt she would want you feeling stressed and exhausted, and it doesn't help anyone for you to start feeling resentful without saying anything.
If walking is the main thing that tires her out, perhaps there's a way to modify certain chores so that she can do them sitting down. Folding laundry is an easy thing to do off your feet. Perhaps a chair by the sink can help with dishes. I'm not sure if there's a subreddit for her disability, but other people who are dealing with similar issues may have ideas for how to make life easier.
How did she handle housework before the two of you moved in together?
You really think there's no coming back?
Realized that a couple hours after making this comment. I linked it in a different thread. However I will stand by OP needing to get her priorities straight. I can’t really tell if the boyfriend is the most mature, but OP definitely has some stuff they need to sort out before they are able to have a committed relationship themselves.
She is an adult and ultimately responsible for herself. You can’t be held hostage in a relationship because the other person might struggle. It may end up being the best thing for her.
She says that i need to make her feel safe before anything but mentions that might tale a year until we live together
Good God, do NOT move in with this person. You think she's controlling now, just wait til you're under the same roof.
This entire relationship is trash.
You should be worried because he’s 37.
No woman within his age bracket will consider dating him.
I’m 28 and I won’t look twice at a 21 year old. You’re literally still a baby.
I know you don’t feel like a baby….but give it 6 years and you will see my point.
Now if he was 31 that’s still questionable af. But some marriages do end up working…but usually there is a bond between the two that brought them together- whether that’s in office or mentor ship of some form.
For an older man to seek women that young intentionally is where it is highly questionable and red flag city.
My advice to you is don’t date older than 25 and don’t date younger than 20. A relationship could be successful/stand within the next five years if you remain in that bracket now.
(28F)
Well, you are in fact wasting her time. Break up and let her move on ffs!