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miia-garcia-1 Public Chat Channel
Date: October 22, 2022
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It’s fair to revisit how you split expenses when someone gets a new job, but a passive aggressive comment is not it . It was a bit unfair of him to make that comment, as it seems you have upheld your end of whatever the prior arrangement was, and if he was unhappy with the way you guys were splitting things he was free to bring it up at any point before this.
You need to sit down, have a conversation, and come to an agreement that you both feel is fair. The “I pay this bill, you pay that bill” system gets murky, as bills can fluctuate month to month and it’s easier to perceive an imbalance if he sees the bills he pays, but doesn’t see what you’re paying and vice versa. You’re better off looking at your shared expenses as a whole and coming to a percentage split. The fairest way to do this is income-based. So, for instance, if his income is 55% of your combined income and your income is 45% of the combined income- you split all the bills 55/45.
The thing is, it made reading your post harder. That doesn’t serve you – it means that fewer of us read it to offer you advice. It also meant that the quality of the advice was lower, because your situation wasn’t as clear to us. This isn’t about “I have concerns that you’re not professional enough to hold down a job if you don’t use proper grammar and punctuation” or something. This is “I’m genuinely not certain what your situation is. I don’t know how many children your girlfriend has, and how many of them she shares with her controlling, abusive ex. I don’t have a good grasp of what things you said were descriptions of things she said, out you said, or thought but didn’t say. I had to work hard to read this and process it. And it definitely makes me think that you have communication issues that are partially responsible for the situation you find yourself in”