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  1. You cheated you didn't give a dam about those kids when you did and how it would affect them in life. Now you seem to care? To late you cheated you don't love your gf if you did you wouldn't have cheated. So man up and come clean. There is no healthy way at all

  2. Stop worrying about hurting his feelings and just address your own.

    Sounds like the relationship is really just about sex. What do you actually want from a relationship? Decide first and discuss it with him to see if it’s possible.

    This may be his perfect relationship but not what you want. It’s perfectly okay to not continue it.

  3. Actual frienship isn't something we expect.

    Friendships can't be forced and people are different.

    I would think basic courtesy and manners are the bare minimum though.

    My own friends are friendly and will have small talk with my husband, same with his friends and I but that's about it.

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  7. I’m a woman who has been in a relationship with a much younger man. I was 30 and he was 21 when we met at work and started dating. We actually lasted about 7 years, but it should have ended way sooner, we were in different stages and wanted different things in life. I already had kids and could not have anymore and he didn’t have any kids but I knew he wanted them. I felt like I was taking that away from him. Our other issues we had were about money, he wanted someone to take care of him essentially and I was not okay with that. The love and respect we had for each other was amazing but in the long run it was the age difference that tore us apart, and I’m glad it did.

    I think you should just be honest with her. I don’t think it will come as much of a shock. But the longer you wait it out the more feeling will be hurt in the end. Maybe y’all can still be friends or even friends with benefits because y’all are both hitting your prime sexually. But a 30 year old and a teenager is kinda gross, not being hypocritical it’s just a fact.

  8. I feel like you need to adjust your expectations.

    People play around on dating apps until they’re very serious about someone or they’ve been asked out and want to be exclusive.

    Her behavior is completely normal, I do think telling you was a bit tactless though.

  9. Last time he did this I told him I didn’t like it and I don’t want to hear but when he did it again the other day I didn’t say anything. ):

  10. Some of this is normal, at least to me. I think its awesome that he adopted a senior, and that you're trying your best to accommodate them, even if it wouldn't have been something you would've chosen. I've had rescues all my life – currently 1 dog and 3 cats – and I don't think I've ever welcomed anyone into the family without a period of “adopter's remorse”. It's a big change and a big responsibility, and mostly it just takes time to adjust. Once you get over the hump, “what have I done?” becomes “I would lie down in traffic for you” before you even realize it.

    I would look into some positive-reinforcement books; Culture Clash is a good one for learning about body language. When you go out, make sure to use a real leash (not the flexi ones, they give you no control and can be dangerous). You'll learn about what the dog likes and doesn't like with time, you just need to learn each other. It's just like any relationship, you find a routine and develop your own little language eventually. The sacrifices are worth it; good luck to all 3 of you, and please give doggy some scratches!

  11. My Instagram is filled with K-pop dance videos, women empowerment memes (I’m a guy), cooking videos and knitting. I also follow a lot of models. People follow weird stuff, if he’s a decent guy (underage girls calls that in question) you going to split up with him?

  12. I stopped seeing a guy because he would raise his hand and act like hitting me to goof around. First of all it indicates a tacky sense of humor. Secondly, i also saw it in him. He thought hitting was funny, it is never funny.

    I grew up in a home where physical violence was the norm, I was eventually placed into foster care because of it

    You probably normalized it a lot.

  13. what the fuck is this… don’t question her sisters abuse. you know so little about this holy shit. what a horrible, baseless conclusion. OP doesn’t imply this at ALL.

  14. I tried but he says he is just busy but he is also active a lot and i can't talk irl because i get scared of the subject

  15. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Please consider reaching out to RAINN or a local therapist or trauma support center to talk about this in a safe setting. You don’t need to carry this alone.

    What you’ve described is rape, yes. You’ve been the victim of a crime. I hope you will report this, and ask to be connected to a victim’s advocate. They can also help you find mental health support.

    It’s a good idea to deal with the trauma of this event now, or you risk it impacting you unexpectedly later in life. Take care.

  16. I mean. I understand where you're coming from. But you've respectfully tried sitting down with her and explaining the situation right?

    So… what other choice do you have left? You either, Move, Do as she says, or Say No, sorry Grandma, I love you and I respect you, but I don't want to do that”

  17. Dude, “trick” is the understatement of the millenium.

    I think that if you want to foster a good relationship between him and your kids, you should keep your distance, serve him divorce papers, and try to work out the absolute anger and disgust you are feeling.

    If he tries to bother and pester you, tell him that for your children's sakes you want him to keep as far away from you as possible. The negative emotions he brings up in you aren't good for their well-being.

  18. Really, she could probably benefit from digestive enzymes and leave out all the nonsense.

    I have many, many food intolerances. It's miserable. Can't eat the foods I loved for years and It's not going to get better. I refuse to burden the people I love with the fallout so I just avoid those foods, as hard as it is. Your gf is being, at minimum, incredibly inconsiderate.

  19. I think that is an intensely individual question. For me, personally, I’m not much bothered by physical attraction. I need that mental connection and I am confident the physical will follow. I fall in love with a person, more than with a particular exterior. But…that’s me. You seem to have been together for a while and that sexual attraction seems to still be lacking.

    Having said that, things happen with bodies all the time. Pregnancy and child birth can be brutal as far as looks are concerned. People age. People change style. People’s body shapes change. If you are not in love with the person behind the skin, that will kill your relationship each and every time.

    I’d be curious as to your sex life. Are you happy with it? Are your sexual tastes and desires as well matched as the rest? Is there anything lacking?

  20. There are two options here. The first one is she's insanely jealous (for one reason or another). The other is she's deeply homophobic. Neither of them are good. The bottom line is, she's a bad friend for telling you she's “triggered” by your happiness.

    Do with that what you will.

  21. She's not going to find any good men if she's only searching out men who are already in relationships, and that's her own fault. Your friend is a bad friend and a home wrecker, and you're supporting all of it.

  22. side on this one.


    Because human beings have a natural tendency to emotionally reciprocate. Smile at someone and they'll smile back at you. Fight with someone and they'll fight you back. OP's husband was attacked. Fairly and deservedly, but still attacked. How could OP know if he was fighting back out of reciprocity or if he was fighting back because she legit pushed him further than she needed to to make her point?

    This is where a faceless stranger comes in. I don't know either party, I have no reason to want one or the other to win. My perception isn't influenced by anything other than what OP wrote. OP isn't attacking me, therefore I don't feel the need to fight back like her husband did.

    And when she sees a disinterested, uninvested faceless stranger giving her relationship advice she's able to accept it at face value precicely because I'm a disinterested, uninvested faceless stranger.

    It's not a red flag to seek an outside perspective when emotions are running high. That's the whole basis of couple's therapy.

  23. no. it's not complicated. you are complicating it. go to therapy to work out your actual needs and boundaries in relationships, and not what you pretend you are okay with.

  24. So is your friend stupid? This is not what a trigger is, and it invalidates/trivializes actual triggers that people can have. She is just feeling jealousy/envy.

  25. Dude – she is crazy lmao. She's working on it?? Read your post and lmk how much progress you think she's made.

    The relationship you had sounds fucking awful. Identifying the cause of an issue in therapy doesn't mean it's automatically fixed! She's still like that!

    The reason dating has been boring is because you're getting to know people vs someone you have established connection with!

    She not the one for you sorry bud

  26. I don’t get it either. It’s pandering. When someone is sad that they can’t have kids or worried that they conceive, first response: “Adopt!” As if the person wasn’t aware that this another way to be able to raise a child. Clearly they know that and they are still devastated. Why? Because they wanted biological children duh. There is no way to solve infertility and not being able to have biological children. THAT Is what they are sad about. And there sometimes isn’t a way to solve it so just say I’m sorry. Have some empathy.

    My comment isn’t a knock on adoption. There are so many children that would love to go to someone that really wants children. My only point is that for an infertile person, adoption is an alternative they are aware of, but it’s not a replacement and it doesn’t fix the grief over not being able to have biological children.

  27. Once invidelity, should be gone. Trust is very hard to get back afterwards.

    Should I be worried?


  28. What are you hoping to achieve by asking about it here? Years ago your husband was keeping his options open and you broke up with him over it. You then decided to get back with him and you are now married. You can continue to argue about this but to what end? You made the decision to stay with him regardless.

  29. I'm not saying that fool. I'm saying do you think they banded together and made FB groups about all the details? Like little school girls. A lot of arrangements are done in secrecy. And not every secret gets out. Practicality has been replaced by our egos and needs to be the one. If the goal is to give your husband children – why not orchestrate something? The goal is family. Not your bruised ego.

    Instead of spending 10k on treatment let's do something more simple. How about we turkey based your sister? A little weird yes but it would produce a blood heir? Solving your problem. It's like you people love game of Thrones but didn't take in how they would find practical solutions outside of medicine. Emotional and privileged.

  30. I really need good grades this semester, and all the other groups are already formed, since I just transferred. And I haven't been able to focus much, because of all this. But everyone in this class is his friend, including everyone in the group I'm in, they’re basically their group of best friends. So I have to deal with all of them, wish I could just pretend they don’t exist.

  31. It is YOUR wedding! You should pick your wedding party and choose who gets to do what in it. Do not allow others to dictate your life. Your bio dad hurt you. And your dad is the one who stepped up and showed you that you weren’t unlovable or unwanted. Only you get to decide what your bio dad being in your life looks like. Hurting your bio dad’s feelings by having him not walk you down the aisle is NOTHING compared to how him abandoning you made you feel through your entire childhood. He made his own decisions and now has to live with the consequences of those actions.

  32. Even if she wants to keep it, that doesn't mean she's happy. It could just mean she's accepted the situation and is willing to face it.

  33. If he says it’s a deal breaker but you don’t want to follow it then break up if you don’t you’re just delaying the inevitable.

  34. I expect he won’t make the same mistake again. If he’s a halfway decent person, he should understand what you’re saying, apologize, and never make the same mistake again.

    Also, he’s not very aware of racism. So he’ll probably make other bonehead mistakes and comments, and he’ll need you to keep helping him learn racism 101. Are you cool with that?

  35. Further context here,

    Till today we have not tried extensively to have baby and we were just about to begin trying but things went south, there were times in this duration where our parents kept asking about having baby, my mom took one step ahead and went to doctor along with my wife to find out if anything is wrong clinically although we have been telling her everything was alright, understandably by wife didn't take this well and since I don't like confrontation I let the incidence pass and then later spoke to my mom it was not a right thing to do, at that moment she didn't take me seriously, she went about talking to other family member about this, again my wife didn't take this well, one day we sat and had a conversation where my wife told my mom that there was nothing wrong clinically and we did have a pregnancy and we terminated dude to restriction to travel and we could not be with each other to enjoy the pregnancy, my dream is to always stay with my wife and look after her in this period. Again my mom didn't take this well, she might have gone around telling close family that my wife terminated the pregnancy she might have made it sound like it was her decision and not ours. Fast forward to now, Few weeks ago my wife found out that I had girlfriends before I meet her, I had not told this my self initially because I was worried how she may take this, I agree this is my fault, I had major doubts she may not take this well, which made it worst when she found out and didn't come out of me, one of the major reason why I had not told her before is because she believe in “one partner life time” and she was serious about it, considering some of the things mentally she was going through I was super scared to tell her this and put off telling about it ever since. Now that she has got to know she didn't take it well that I had not told about this before although I had hinted her before that I had girlfriends before. Between all the I know we were not emotionally well connected, I always wanted to improve out relationship I was putting all the efforts possible and I still was not upto the mark in connecting emotionally and lack of communication, but I never gave up, I was always putting effort in improving it as much as possible from my end. Now she things i'm a bad person, she says I manipulate her, and she says I don't stand up for her, there were many times I have stood up to her just not in front of her because I feel if she sees me fighting with other people she may not take it well, I feel like she will take it in a wrong way. She is a kind of person who responds rudely in her voice and delivery but she don't mean it bad, but this worries me, which I have been communicating to her all this time, I don't find her talking romantic but I can easily find her talking rude and harsh about me or other people. We had a very big fight today and she asked me to leave the country we are living and go back home because she is not able to tolerate me, I have always been sitting next to her trying to convince and calm her down. Im promising her I will be a better person and understand her sensitively, i'm willing to put all my efforts into this, she is not able to accept my mom's act and she keeps scolding me that I sound like my mom and I act like my mom and she is not able to accept that I didn't mention about the past girlfriends. At this point she is sleeping across me on the bed and i'm typing on reddit looking for advice and help for my self, how can I make her understand we have better future than our past, I don't want to give up on this marriage, help me with this reddit, let me know if I need to make anything clear in what I have told, I may have missed mentioning things which may not be on top of my mind right now. I think past is gone and we have to focus on future as long as we are involved and willing make it better, What do you think of this situation?

  36. Yeah he should probably think about his attitude if he wants a chance in hell of keeping her. We aren't in Sunday school Luther. Her sexual past isn't his buisness and his attitude that she did things before he wants to do and is mad he can't rape her is a bigger problem than a little porn which he watches. He cannot act like his wife shouldn't have made oorn if ge watches it.

  37. I mean, OP also explicitly said “we were in an open relationship”. It seems pretty obvious that they were in an open relationship rather than just in an undefined relationship.

  38. Your friend is an ass – also does your friend want your brother lol what’s going on there.

    That being said “couples who look alike” is a thing – people are often drawn towards “the familiar”, it has nothing to do with “omg they all look like your brother”

    So your friend is an idiot, they’re giving you shit for no reason, please keep finding whoever you want hard

  39. Don't buy a house with him because you aren't married yet. Don't marry him until y'all are on the same page about money. This is a disaster waiting to happen.

  40. Then she needs to get a diagnosis. I have ADHD and yeah, it is much easier to clean now that I’m diagnosed and medicated, but if she is saying that’s what it is and using it as an excuse, her options should be to get it addressed or get her own place.

    I know you’re getting a bunch of anecdotal comments about people’s individual experiences – “I have ADHD and I still clean!” And that’s great for them, but it’s still anecdotal and besides the point. Struggling to initiate tasks is a marker for ADHD, and messy houses are a pretty solid symptom. All of that is beside the point. The issue isn’t whether or not it’s an excuse. The issue is that, if she’s using it as an excuse, it’s on her to do what she needs to do to deal with it, not just sit on her ass and claim she can’t do anything because “ADHD.”

  41. I guess my people pleasing tendencies make me afraid of asking other to compromise for me. Thank you for your reply. It’s hard to not feel like an alien for not being touchy feely lol

  42. You're in another abusive relationship and it will escalate once the baby arrives. Create an exit plan and get out, consider therapy for yourself.

  43. Why did you get in the car with someone that had been drinking? He's behaviour is stupid, obviously but you put yourself in danger. That's on you.

  44. What is she doing with her life, are you both in the life experience stage? Eg both working?

    How would you react if, in a discussion about something, she disagreed with you, expressed her own opinion? Would you consider her viewpoint and try to see things from her side?

  45. Apparently she was actually experiencing psychosis, according to him in another comment.

    In which case, it sounds like they assessed her and she should have been held for 72 hours. It sounds like this lady might have very serious mental health issues and this is beyonddit's pay grade, especially since he's being awfully coy or in denial? About how serious that is.

  46. If you seek a monogamous relationship, it's time to come to terms with a breakup. At best, she fulfills her desires and test drives every car she wants and decides you were the best she could do. At worst, she finds something new and moves on while you provide all the other needs in her life until then. The fact that she has made that proposal is an indication that she is probably going to do it anyway she just wants to test the waters with you so she can judge how she needs to plan her future.

  47. I just got out of a relationship with a narcissist who also gaslighted me. Told me I was doing stuff that I wasn’t doing. This is what they do. I’m 32, take my advice. Leave and don’t look back. Trust me.

  48. I wish it was that easy I'm out of work atm because of my legband still suffering with anxiety and night terrors because of my ex. I don't have funds to do anything x

  49. A quote from some random person live! years ago: “It sounds like y’all are reading the same book, y’all just aren’t on the same chapter just yet.”

  50. True, but your BS about aluminum in deodorant has zero basis in fact. The fact that you think you “know a lot about medical stuff” and lord it over her is not a good look for you.

  51. She messaged you because she was feeling guilty about what she did. I would have no disillusionment that she wants to get back together. If she still has you blocked, that should answer the question for you. Sounds like she's moved on with another dude, but was still feeling guilt about how she ended it with you, and was trying to relieve some guilt by apologizing. Nothing more and nothing less.

  52. First , if this is true, it’s insane. Your husband is a text book example of someone with a narcissistic borderline personality disorder. He manipulative and gas lighting you to the higher order. If you don’t get out, your life with be nothing but a roller coaster of misery.

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