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Birth Date: 1998-05-18
Body Type: bodyTypeThin
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Date: November 2, 2022
HELL YEAH, SÏSTER!
Thanks for the response, that seems to be what makes the most sense currently. I guess it just concerns me that I’m usually attracted to people who seem to also have their priorities set, but they’re usually 5+ years older so my subconscious keeps fearing it’s the age difference that holds me back.
I’m sorry that’s how your childhood went ? childhood trauma shapes how we form attachment later on in intimate relationships, as well as interpersonal. From what it sounds like, check into Anxious-attachment type on the internet and see if it fits you!
So those experiences shaped how you respond in relationships today – always having been compared to others, and then when relationships fizzled out the natural cause for you was to assume it was for some other girl that was much more XYZ. You can do that all day long and some girl will always have more of something than you or seemingly be able to offer something than you. BUT, concrete bag or not (which I’m sure you’re not) your husband saw values in you that he chose to marry, just like you did. Blind loyalty is nice and it’s definitely a nice quality, but it can also cause resentment if a partner isn’t as strict about it. Obviously I don’t mean in the cheating sense of that. I mean that blindly avoiding ever looking at or having open discussions about other attractive women is stifling, just as not doing the same towards attractive men is to some women.
It’s great that you choose to ignore all other attractiveness from men, but you can’t assume he’s wired to do the same. If you expect the level of loyalty that means your husband never thinks of another woman ever, then perhaps your husband doesn’t possess that quality and you should take a dive into your relationship and what it means to you. HOWEVER, the more realistic thing in my opinion, is to come to terms that you feel threatened because you place your value below other women’s’ values and that you feel your husband can do better. THAT is problematic thinking and I’d venture to say it is certainly shaped by your past relationship and family trauma. I firmly believe individual therapy followed by couple counseling can help. Once you figure out better thought patterns and develop your own sense of personal security, then you can work with your husband to figure out what needs aren’t being met or how to better meet each others needs.
Maybe you need him to stop being obvious about other attractive women (btw looks are 10% of it, who is to say your personality isn’t everything to your husband?). Or maybe you just need the more occasional reassurance. Or maybe, maybe you get that sense of personal security and you realize that he’s just window shopping and you’re the prize he got to take home. Know your worth!
That’s you.
For OP it is as very simple as “I don’t like dick”
Your experiences are not universal
thank you. that’s really nice of you to say. i have been doing a lot of thinking about my relationship with him since it seems like i put in a lot more effort when i think i deserve to be treated better.
Frankly I’m dumbfounded it took OP nearly a decade to even 1. Look into the issue and 2. Make it to middle age without having even heard the term or know what it is. Like for fucks sake how long has this man’s poor wife gone without her partner making her cum?? And OP just gets a pass for a fucking decade of being not even a minute man cUz Im iNseCurE never once fucking asking how it’s impacting his wife only HIM.
Do not get back with her.
Everyone in your life hates her for a very valid reason.
She left you without without giving you the respect of telling you the reason why, and given how she left and the half truth she told at the time, how can you be sure she’s telling you the truth this time? For all you know she could have moved away to be with her emotional affair partner, and the only reason she’s back is that all her relationships since haven’t been as good as what she had.
If someone is actively cheating on you repeatedly, you don’t owe them much in the way of breakup conversation, and frankly, if you feel unsafe or like he’s going to pressure you in person, don’t meet up – you are allowed to breakup via text. You don’t even have to say you know he’s still cheating or that you snooped through his phone. You can just say you’re breaking up with him and go about your day.
But whichever way you break up, you need to set very clear boundaries, and say you do not want to remain in contact and he needs to respect your boundaries. If he shows up unannounced after you breakup, you don’t need to feel bad, you need to reaffirm you asked him not to contact you, say he’s not respecting the clear boundaries you conveyed, and tell him he needs to leave or you’re calling the police. And if he keeps doing it, follow through and file a report for harassment.
Mental illness is not a blanket excuse for someone to behave badly. You have to realize you are not solely responsible for balancing out the bad things happening in his life, and you are not obligated to stay in a toxic situation just because someone has depression. Honestly, it sounds more like this guy is emotionally manipulative, rather than unstable, and is causing a scene because he knows the appearance of instability will keep you around.
The gun the he wants you to be will be registered under your name and anything he'll do with it will also comeback to you.
at the very least having a gun on you that isn't registered to you is a felony in most places, what if he tells the police where he got the gun? is that a risk you want to take?
With your policy, ask her if you asked her on a date would she accept.
get therapy. learn to entertain yourself
Damn! I would not be attracted to a man like this.
Just an unhinged thing to share lmao
she's 8 years older then you even then she isnt responsable, and was not like you didnt set a boundarie, you did set it, and she didnt respect it, and not 1 or 2 times, BUT WITH 30+ GUYS GOD KNOWS HOW MANY TIMES, you both already have a 50/50 custody so just stay this way and divorce, otherwise you are just throwing your life away
You just described my MIL ? overbearing to the point of suffocation and wanting to control every little detail. Had he always been like this?
Would that really make a difference when he is trying to control her appearance?
I just wanna add that the reason I think that she has BPD is notably the extreme mood swings, the inappropriate burst of feelings, and the w-b thinking which are all BOD symptoms
i am sorry to tell you but if your connection was so great he wouldnt try to hook up with other people
It's his problem. He is insecure and is acting irrationally because of it. He needs to know that.
He thinks that men are not to be trusted because you will never learn their intentions. He swears he will never talk to his female friends because out of respect for me. He threatened to talk to his female friends again because I want to talk to my male friends. His main thoughts are that it’s disrespectful to speak to male friends because I’m in a relationship, he doesn’t have any female friends so neither should me, and he doesn’t trust men.
So let me get this straight. He trusts women but not men. He doesn't trust men because you never know their true intentions. So the reason he can't have girl friends is because of HIM. He doesn't trust HIMSELF to not cheat on you. He is projecting his own issues onto you. HE would cheat so he is accusing you of doing the same.
You cannot stay with this man if he does not relent. He is isolating you. You deserve to have friends – it is human and normal and it is very lonely to not!
You can't put up with this any more. Put your foot down. Either he lets you have friends or you're done. That's that!
You are a doctor for heck sake. Tell them that it's one of the biggest day of your life which you can't change.
On the other hand. Your brother can change.
I didn't say he was autistic because he's dickish. I said it because he has no friends, always wear the same clothes, and eats the same food. I suppose you are going to say those are stereotypes?
Oh, sorry, that's rough. Don't let it deter you though.
Thanks again. It's been helpful to me to hear what others think, it has helped me to think things through and yes you're right. She believed me back when I told her I wanted an exclusive thing but she herself admits being insecure.
I hope for the better because we just clicked from day one and it felt just natural. We don't share a taste in music or political views, but I could talk with her for hours about literally anything.
Fuck, I miss her.
Also Bella Ramsey is playing a young teenager but in real life she’s 19. If a 19 year old was dating a 22 year old, it wouldn’t be weird at all. The Stranger Things kids are all around that age as well.
I didnt think about that, it sounds totally right. Thanks
Oh god, I laughed. A month and this guy is trying to get you to pay for his erectile disfunction. Maybe if it had been a couple years and he tried other things like stop watching porn and stop masturbating for a few months etc. But you guys havent even been together long enough to even get to that point. I am not even going to bother reading the rest of your post (no offence)
Your call OP, but I am firm believer there is no reason to remain in casual contact with an ex unless it is for legal reasons or co parenting. The problem is that you got into this relationship with him and showed him that you were ok with the dynamic, so now, it will really be even harder to make any real changes moving forward.
There really isn't much you can do, you probably won't ever be ok with the dynamic, and unless he is prepared to cut her out of his life, you're probably going to be stuck in this situation for life.
Although I do have question, is the husband of the ex actually aware they talk?
He's got an inheritance from his dad.
So let him worship your feet. If he had a boob fetish, you wouldn't think anything of it. There's nothing to be sad and confused about right now. The dude is turned on by certain parts of your body. That's a GOOD thing.
You could even use it to your advantage. “Today, you're going to eat my pussy for 10 minutes, and if you do a good job, I'm going to let you worship my feet. How does that sound?”
That isn't a neg. He's just plain insulting you to bring your confidence down.
A neg is a push-pull tactic to bring a person down a peg. The opposite of putting somebody on a pedestal. It's a backhanded compliment. What he's doing sounds like bullying.
Btw it's also shitty to neg people as both are manipulation.
Yeah comparatively me and my SO held off moving cause she was uncomfortable with her personal savings and didn't want to be in a situation where she had no financial options if something happened to me, I lost my job, we broke up etc. And I 100% respected that so we didn't go.
Remember, one year ago he said he wanted to sleep with prostitutes. It wasn’t just his friend, this is about him and he’s looking very disgusting.
It's interesting how you're not able to say “yes, I fucked a stranger raw without taking any precautions while already having a kid”.
Definitely. She isn’t “trustworthy” because she told him she’s actively entertaining other men who are trying to sleep with her. She’d be trustworthy if she shut the guy down immediately and told her bf as soon as he got back.
As for snapping the ex, I wouldn’t like that either but if it’s that long it’s very likely just a stupid “streak” people keep going for no reason at all. The smoking gun here is the guy she gave her info to so he could keep pursuing her.
They are together for 9 months, not 9 years. We don't know when this became apparent.
Dating is about exploration – to learn about the other person, their interests, their passions, what makes them tick.
You’ve collected a ton of information about this girl and how she lives her life and how she expect YOU to live! YOUR life.
Seems you two don’t want the same things in life.
And that ok. Yeah u can have your own wants and desires.
But if you don’t mesh, then you don’t.
Don’t live! your life twisting yourself into a pretzel to make someone else happy.
If he's saying that kind of stuff while still in a relationship, I wouldn't trust him to be faithful if you guys get back together. That's incredibly disrespectful of him and the way he treats his current GF is a good indicator of how respectful he'll be with you.
This story is too sus
Good talk champ
He met someone he wants to flirt with without losing you. It sounds like your relationship ran its course