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Ruben-Anny-Ada, 27 y.o.
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Live! Live Sex Chat rooms Ruben-Anny-Ada
Date: September 20, 2022
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Wow. This is some of the most toxic shit I've read in a while. Why are you doing this to yourself over a 20 year old kid that is treating you like garbage? You're a 24 year old adult woman who is letting a boy walk all over you when you can be with a man that isn't emotionally stunted. He told you he feels about his ex the way you feel about him, and you still stay comforting him and consoling him over that ex. You're letting a child make a fool out of you. I totally get being so in love with someone it hurts. I know what it feels like to be hurt, to feel like you've been run over by an 18 wheeler and they turned around and ran you back over again. But you need to remove yourself from this situation before you're damaged so badly you can only be with him. You need to heal your hurt and get back to the woman who didn't take anybody's shit. This will end one of 2 ways if you don't… bad or worse. Don't let it get to that.
Thank you Typhoon for your detailed response. You’ve certainly given me a lot to think about.
I definitely didn’t think about it in this way at all and need to take a good look at myself and what I expect from him and our relationship and re-evaluate my expectations.
Lines are definitely being crossed. Like you said, it sounds like she’s purposefully planning things to do with him alone. You need to tell him how you feel and express that him hanging out with her alone, is a boundary he’d be crossing. Shoutout to the person who sent the video though, if they hadn’t shown you it, you wouldn’t have known how close the two of them have been getting. Don’t let either of them make a fool of you.
If you don’t feel comfortable having a talk with him about this because you don’t want him to think you eavesdropped; I would suggest doing more little things to show you love him. Going to get breakfast or lunch together, saying love you, etc.
That's some major gaslighting right there, they can see it from China
I have a lot of respect for you, for choosing to online the way you do and build a life on your own merits instead of wanting everything handed to you. That's a fine, not wasteful way to online. And the fact that you've found a partner that can see the value in living that way is wonderful.
Unfortunately, her parents are the kinds of people that are what's wrong with the world today. They value money, appearances, and consumption more than they value self respect, integrity, and conservation. This tells you all you need to know about their moral compass. It also tells you that trying to convince them otherwise will be useless. Your wife is right, getting yourself worked up over this is not necessary.
The best course of action is to not take it personally, try to ignore it, and when you can't ignore it, give boring non-answers that are conversation-enders. Some examples:
they are pissed that I don't treat my wife as a “trophy wife”? I treat her the way that makes HER the happiest. I'm sure you don't mind me making your daughter happy? That'd be ridiculous!”
go against the premise of her parents wanting me to “spoil” their daughter? she has everything her heart desires. (Repeat with every question/demand they make.)
we could've gotten much better stuff if we spent a little more. We have exactly what we wanted. (Repeat with every question/comment they make.)
why we maintained a spending budget on things. Our financial decisions are not up for discussion. (Repeat with every question/comment they make.)
my car is not a fancy Tesla or something. I have the car I WANT. (Repeat with every question/comment they make.)
It would be IDEAL for her to tell them to knock it off, that you two have the life you WANT and CHOOSE to have, and your finances and life choices are none of their business, and tell them that if they keep doing it, she will put them in time-out from family stuff until they can learn to be civil. But in the meantime, just don't give them the free real estate in your head, don't give them info that isn't their business, and be boring and firm with any non answers you DO give
Not being overly sensitive. She appears to be cold and indifferent. She’s not taking responsibility for her actions
Coming from someone who has and still suffers with both. I can assure you that you need to fix this before it spirals. This is not normal.
Girls aren't idiots , they know what is and isn't going to get them extra attention
You just have to decide if this is the girl for you , some guys are happy for their girls to put it out there , some think the attention that they give them should be enough.
Up to you my friend , if you are uncomfortable then let her know
Block them both as you can never trust her again, any future boyfriend is a potential boyfriend for her.
Your boyfriend views you as a second option. I’m sorry. You need to break up with him, you deserve better.
crazy as she is. she had a lot on her mind. and you print out the divorce papers to petition? you are also crazy stupid.
Ok wel let him worry about it bro
I have seen people recover though, it is possible. Just got to put the work in for it by going to rehab, getting sober and then finding and working on supports
Thank you
Help me out here please. I’ve read your post three times, but I don’t see your coworker asking you a question anywhere in it, nor proposing that you two have any kind of a relationship, yet when the above commenter said >”This must have been hard for you to ask, so let me start by telling you that I do appreciate that you think so much of me. As flattering as this is to hear, I have to decline.”
Thanks, that actually sounds perfect. Your coworker expressed his attraction to you and his regret that you hadn’t met at another time, so it doesn’t seem appropriate for you to thank him for asking when he didn’t ask you anything, and for you to tell him that you have to decline doesn’t seem to make sense to me since he didn’t make you any offer. I’m really not trying to be negative, but I don’t think that response would fit what the coworker said. I recommend that you just say thank you and that you are flattered (if you truly are). Best of luck.
Nine MONTHS? 40K IN DEBT? Yes, you are crazy if you do it. All this to save 400 dollars a month?
If she wants to pay to run your information through an online background check, fine, she doesn’t need your involvement to run that.
Right, I was thinking that too. That's not the worst part here. I mean it is ridiculous under the circumstances, but hey if you want to pay one of those background check websites to look him up, go ahead. Although all that will tell her is if he's ever been arrested or charged of any type of abuse, or had a restraining order placed against him. He could still theoretically have abused someone who just never did anything about it. But if that would put her mind at ease, she should have done that on her own. It's the requesting that they go to therapy specifically to “screen” him, to make sure he's not an abuser, that's over the line. If she could point to anything in their relationship over the past 6 years that she now sees as potentially problematic, that's one thing. In which case you suggest couples counseling for both of them to make their relationship stronger, but just saying “Well my friend's ex turned out to be abusive so now I think you might be too,” is not cool.
Still funny. Guess I’m overreacting.
True. But I mean that if she chooses to reconcile she shouldn’t just forget that everything happened and put herself in the same position where it can happen again
I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you how I would never settled down with someone like her. If you're like me and cheating is unacceptable, keep on reading. Cheating isn't simple, it's not something I can forgive, ever. She chose to do so knowing damn well she had a relationship with you, all while she considered the relationship as something that's not important enough to commit yet, or when it's going not so good for a while. She will do it again, when she felt so again, and I guaranteed you, you'll feel like shit for having forgiven her rn. I will never believe a cheater's change, absolutely not.
Well partners don’t say that shit. I’ve never dealt like that. My husband always makes me feel desirable. I’d find a new latter cause that’s unacceptable.
He was an option in the beginning. My point is just, even though she cheated, it is pretty low severity and I don't think it warrants blowing up a long term relationship where they are talking about marriage. If she cheated six years into a relationship that would be a different story.
Ok, first thing, get a grip. This hasnt “derailed your wedding” one bit. Worst case, you dont have a flower girl. The horror.
Second, leave it. You explained yourself, and thats it. Figure out a plan with your fiancee in case she keeps going on and on with whatever accusations she is throwing around. Consider uninviting her. Don't engage her in a he said she said, she will drag you down on her level and win. You need to stay above this.
You missed his birthday to sleep with his friend. I honestly have no words.
I’m autistic/adhd and it was my first thought with this post too. I’ve also always described myself as “always accepted, rarely included” but I’m really okay with that personally because I’d rather not have a full social calendar. When I was younger I took it more personally but now I really do not care lol.
Talk with you sister about it. How did he find the texts? Did he just go through her phone without her permission? Again, it sounds like you both would benefit from therapy.
You’ve been playing Russian roulette sweetie, and the odds are, the longer you play, the more chance there is of her getting pregnant. You’ve been incredibly lucky so far, but it’s bound to run out eventually.
You INSIST on wearing condoms, if she doesn’t like it then tough. Makes me wonder whether she secretly wants to become pregnant
She didn't do anything wrong. Some creep at a bar was harassing her and she did what she had to to make him stop. Asking her to change her number is unreasonable and controlling.
How do you know what messages are happening between them?
“Not all men” except we can’t tell which ones are going to go apeshit when we say no. It’s easier to use fawning as a way of potentially avoiding harm. I don’t see anything wrong with what she did because she didn’t try to hide the interaction.
She may not be, but what I’m picking up on she is. A couple coworkers who don’t know we are ex’s have made comments that we should date because we get along so well
I think it's more that respectful conversation isn't always basic. It takes a lot of skill sometimes.
Thanks for the reply. I have been myself trying to figure out what’s changed. I think it’s a mix of factors:
earlier in our lives we were both focused on career and while sex was important it wasn’t really my primary focus for some reason at the start of my 30s my libido seems to have gone through the roof which has me thinking more about it? Maybe it’s that I exercise more, idk dr has said everything is fine in terms of hormone (I had it checked) familiarity I think, in the sense that our day to day life is not conductive to romance, we plan dates and the topic of conversations seem to be about work or other life stuff that is not what you’d talk about if you had started dating I’ll be honest here, I seem to get more attention from women at this age and while nothing at all has come from that as I wouldn’t do that to her, it does activate a part of my brain that craves that novelty
If I had a wand to fix this all, I wish I could reactivate the spark we had at the beginning of our relationship when we were crazy for each other, but I don’t know if this is possible.
One last thing is that when we go on vacation and get away from our busy lifestyle, we seem much more connected and attracted to each other. I have read that could mean different things but not sure what it means for us.
My son loved my current husband or so i thought.
I would be very surprised if this was “random”.
I also wonder if he too felt like this was a peaceful and great relationship, or if he just stopped communicating issues so the “rocky” phase would be over.
After confronting him for the 5th or so time, he finally said “honestly, I feel we moved too fast with our relationship and moved in together too quickly. I might just want to online on my own even if I do stay here. I want to take things slow.”
This is the real answer. He's not here for the relationship, and he's making decisions unilaterally probably because he doesn't care if you break up with him for it.
have no where to move, as it is so late in my area. I also have two bunnies, and he knows I’m probably going to have to give them up too. I’m losing everything I have.
Time to start looking for a roommate.
Don't wait for “his decision”, though. It sounds like he's already made his decision, and just doesn't want to be confronted over it half a dozen more times.
Nah your bf is insecure. He's overthinking this too much and seems to not trust you. Put your foot down.
Break up with him.
Allowed to what?
If your bf and yourself both wanted to break things off, just the moment where it would have become serious, and now it happens again, a third time just before you wanted to make a big move….. I'd think your gut feel was right from the beginning. We have that feeling for a reason, you should learn to trust it.
Another thing with the messages to your coworker, you don't flirt with him but still feel something your realionship lacks, after a few weeks of messaging. It wouldn't affect your choice to move in with your bf if you were sure that you wanted to be with him no matter what. That you have doubts now, tells me you are not sure if you want to stay committed the way you are now. But for something like moving states to be with someone, you should be absolutely 100% sure, not just 75% sure and see where it goes…