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Birth Date: 1992-03-21
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Subculture: subcultureHousewives
Date: September 21, 2022
I used to be good friends with our mutual friends (both females who have boyfriends now), but haven’t talked to them in like eight years. I’m afraid that route won’t be an option for me.
Nah. Take the hint. This ain’t it.
Sorry WHAT??!! ?
Exactly, i dont know how to express my feelings and right now he's in a call with me
Congrats on the 2.5 years!
Please, please find a trauma informed grief therapist for each of you. Group work is great, especially if you’re walking the road with a loved one, but our ability to empathize changes with trauma. It’s so important for you to each seek therapy on your own.
OP, your story sounds like absolute torture. I’m so sorry for your losses, and so happy you reached out for help. Sending lots of light your way
Yeah no I'm not even reading all that, following thirst traps is a deal breaker in my book.
I’m not sure I’ve never been in one.
She was negging you. Leave her.
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I'd feel the same way. I couldn't be around the dog anymore. Also, the dog could potentially attack one of you, or any visitor, young or old. The dog has behaved dangerously and erratically. I don't know the requirements for putting a dog down, but to me he seems like a candidate. That was a totally unprovoked attack toward a being he's been familiar with for years.
Zachary, in the post says “I’d like some advice”. I cannot find opinions useful.
You two need better ways of dealing with conflict. I'd tell her that unless you both go to couples therapy and fix this, the relationship won't survive.
That’s not a “normal reaction” to assault, dude. As most women will tell you, the normal reaction to assault is to freeze like OP did.
This is great advice.
So, something likely this happened to one of the staff who reported to me and we used to hang out as a group (tight knit group) –
I can say that none of us drove 90 mins and waited 3 hours at the ICU because we respected that the family needed to space etc to be worried there by themselves without having to deal with us (as he was on his way home late from work because I asked him to stay 10 more mins.) if I had not, he would not have been hit by a car.
We were worried and called etc but once we knew he was going to be okay, we didn’t bother them until the next day or day after etc as he was going through surgery.
These comments here make it seem like me and the other staff who are like family are callous because we didn’t wait at the ICU like OP’s husband.
I don’t know what’s going on with OP’s husband and maybe he’s just needed to see her alive but we would not have (and did not drive 90 mins to the hospital, turn up at the ICU and wait 3 hours.
My partner has ADHD, and while we don't have issues quite at the level you're having, this certainly sounds familiar. You mentioned your fiancee has ADHD, is she medicated? Have you sat her down and had a serious conversation about how this is affecting you? Would y'all consider couples counseling for this issue? This sounds like a pretty serious thing to not resolve before getting married.
Never once have i said that i quit my job. Far from the truth.
OP is there. He has no problem pulling ladies.
Ok, let me guess. He says he couldn't help it, and you made him do it.
Here's the thing: does he behave like this in public? When you have people in the house? No? Then guess what! He absolutely CAN help it, you didn't make him do it, and he's an abusive arsehole who is going to escalate.
He's with you because women his own age won't put up with his bullshit. I'm sure he tells you that you're far more mature than most women your age, but he's lying. I'm sorry, you're not mature, he's immature.
Leave him, work out who are as a person and what you will and will not accept in a relationship, and then find someone better.
You seem to have gained life wisdom in this respect, perhaps through trial and error. A process that OP is going through currently. Instead of robbing them of their ability to improve, please provide feedback. Like specific sentences or general talking points to say to be direct and kind.
In you’re defense you’re still young and figuring out what you want in life and in a boyfriend/husband. He might always be the one that got away from you but he probably won’t be the only one you love.
I had a similar experience where I was in your BF position and I also didn’t want to get back into the relationship with her. The trust had been broken. What it sounds like to a man when you say you want to experience dating others is one of 2 things. You want to sleep around a little bit or her not good enough for you and you want to find someone better. Either of these things aren’t acceptable to any man with even a little self respect. In actuality it can be 100s of different reasons but those 2 will always be in the back of his mind nagging at him. Even the most secure man would struggle with that so the only option is to not have a relationship if he wants to maintain his sanity.
Ouch, I know how you’re feeling and it sucks, it’s absolutely horrible. I’m really sorry ❤️
You’ve gone into a lot of detail in your post about how poorly this person has treated you. Read the post back to yourself. Would you advise a friend or family member to continue a relationship with someone who treated them that way? I hope not. You deserve the same care and compassion you would give someone else in this situation, and you would probably tell them to leave the relationship. Love is important in any relationship, but it can’t be the only thing to hold two people together.
Start small. Talk to 1 or 2 friends and tell them what’s really going on. Show them this post, get people looped in and in your corner. Then, start making a plan for practical things. Stay with a friend or family member for a few nights. Eat some good food, and grieve. Work out any financial ties you have to this person and make sure your finances are separated and secure. Find someone (or, a few folks) who can offer you a place to stay temporarily while you look for a new roommate/friend/home.
It’s going to be nude, but one day at a time it will get better. You deserve to be cared for, celebrated, and cherished by your partner. No one should settle for this type of treatment. And at 25? We have so much life ahead of us.
This is what I was thinking. Wife needs help getting over being second best. What happened to you is terrible. I would suggest that you and your wife, at minimum, block the sister.
Shocking!
If only your Wife could see that her Sister and her Parents are so jealous of her, they can’t see straight. They are just such ordinary, flawed people, while your Wife is so unique.
Your Wife is not only brilliant and distinctively beautiful but she has the one thing her Parents will never understand and her Sister will never have, a truly honorable and loving Husband.
Her “Family” know they don’t measure up and are afraid they are about to be unmasked for being so ugly in their ordinariness.
You, two, are both Unicorns, who found each other to form an unbreakable bond. Stay strong together.
2 months is a really short time. I know different countries have different policies and cultures etc. but it takes like 3 months to recover physically from what you’ve been through, and then another three months to find your normal.
One of you has to be working and demanding it be the woman who just had traumatic and major surgery is just not okay at this time. Later on when you’re recovered is a completely different conversation to right now.
So maybe say that, he needs to step up now because it really is too soon and what you went through isn’t to be sniffed at. It’s also called the 4th trimester for a reason, babies shouldn’t be separated from mum for a few months after birth, unless there really is no other choice. It hurts both mum and baby.
But give a deadline. At 6 months you can reevaluate and see if you can get a job then when you’re recovered and agree who will look after the baby when AND what that role looks like. It can’t just be sitting on the sofa. Did you not discuss any of this before? You must have known his job wouldn’t cover all the bills. Was there not a plan in place for this to be covered until you are well enough to go to work?
Stop asking your mum and dad. Their views on what childbirth and ppd and 4th trimester are outdated and harmful. Speak to your midwife, your doctor, support groups. Get your husband to as well. Get proper advice about what is actually best for you and baby.
I'm so glad to hear you're doing well and setting boundaries you're comfortable with, OP. It's great that he's going to get some help, I hope he's sincere in his efforts. Keep looking out for yourself and be safe!
Yikes. This woman very clearly is pressuring you to give her housing, marriage and children after knowing you for 8 weeks. That is disturbing and alarming behaviour. I would break up with her as she is not trustworthy, is trying to baby trap you and force you into a lifestyle a d commitment when you barely knows you. She may also be trying to lock you down in commitment so that she can get residency and citizenship. Trust your gut. This woman is rushing a relationship and parenthood.
my mother is taking about disinheriting me. My husband is very cherished by my family and friends. something that I loved and was proud of in the past but that is biting me in the ass now
Is there a reason you guys haven’t tried helping him learn the basics of the language so he Atleast can understand what’s being said and partially communicate even if it’s just the basics. I agree a visit for 1 week every 18 mos isn’t excessive but I also agree I would feel akward having someone staying for a week that I can not communicate with at all. You guys need to come to a middle ground where you both are ok with the visit.
That’s the part that’s maybe confusing me the most. She made a tongue in cheek comment about “not seeing each other more than once a week” & also had a conversation with me a good 3 weeks ago that she’s scared one of us catches feelings too soon if we see each other too often.
I don’t know whether that was her insinuating she thought I was catching feelings or whether she was scared to fall again (as she just got out of a 6 year relationship 4 months ago)…
So, you know divorce isn’t a 2 party decision. You just have to want it and make the moves tk make it happen.
He might not accept it because iirc there has to be a time period after they no longer have you as a patient.
Yup. God magicked a kid into Mary, according to these folks, but in this case it just had to be accomplished by a violent, traumatizing physical attack?!?
Your take away is that men over 10 years older are bad? Shouldn’t it be that men who lie and text others are bad? Or that you should consider the advice of others, when EVERYONE is telling you the same thing?
Not really sure you learned the lesson.
Wedgies, play fighting, that shit is for fun. Those are funny acts. Hickeys/any type of neck sucking are sexual acts. Ridiculous to put them in the same category. Imagine a bunch of boys in the locker room after practice go from messing around, slapping each other with towels, to pinning someone down and sucking on their effing neck. Not normal in any context. I feel gross even commenting in this thread.
Several of them have had traumatic relationships and they said they are trying to avoid that for me.
It's likely that her sensitivity has gone up, or that she's not getting physically aroused in her 30s the same way she used to in her 20s.
I promise you, your dick is not growing. If she doesn't believe you, check with your doctor.
Yes, this was my first break up and I will just say it’s never gonna get better healing until you give yourself time alone. Mine wanted me to wait around for him like a doll sitting on a shelf while he fixed himself. Don’t ever settle for him maybe one day deciding he wants to be with you again. The relationship shouldn’t start and stop whenever he feels like it. You need to put yourself first sometimes because then people walk all over you even if it’s in a “nice way” where they still ask to be friends and do all these cute things. It gets in the way of the reality of the situation
If she wants to be monogamous, then it’s over. There’s no compromise on monogamy. Either you are or you aren’t.
She suggested closing the relationship. You think you’re compromising by opening the relationship to only a select person/couple. But it’s not really a compromise. The relationship is still open, thus not monogamous like she wants.
You want to sleep with multiple people, she only wants you. I don’t really see the point of dragging this out. Just break up.
PS: she already doesn’t feel secure in the relationship. That’s why she assumed you would sleep with someone, and did so first. To protect herself from the hurt, that is already there since you rejected her offer of monogamous commitment. I’m not saying what she did was right, just that I see why.
OP he is emotionally abusing you, using himself and “his pain” as an excuse to bring it up to you all the time. It does not “hurt him just as much” and he should GTFO for that comment alone.
Why are you hanging around begging an apology from an abusive man who legitimately attempted to kill you?
Why do you ever let him drive? Wait! I know! He won’t LET you drive your OWN car.
It is way past time for you to leave this man regardless of how much you think you love him.
You have zero empathy for a victim of rape. How does that feel exactly?
OK, so you're a shitposter who enjoys thinking about fingers that smell of ass. Good day, Trevor.
It sounds like she is self conscious about her body or is physically uncomfortable with whatever the aftermath of childbirth is. You should make her feel sexy. Send her out with her friends. Give her a reason to get dressed up and shower her with compliments. Don’t make it about sex. Don’t ask for sex in return. Work on making her feel good.
I wouldn't be his mom, he has a mom that he currently spends most of his time with but I would just be helping when he stays at our house
Ehhhh where does it say child care falls all on her?
Then that makes her not saying no even worse.
This is the only step. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. You & your wife need to have a serious discussion about finances.
That’s nonsense…
My point is that his lack of sexual desire for his wife isn’t an indication that he’s gay. That’s literally insane.
The notion is ridiculous and it strips men of all their nuance and complexity.
That’s nonsense…
My point is that his lack of sexual desire for his wife isn’t an indication that he’s gay. That’s literally insane.
The notion is ridiculous and it strips men of all their nuance and complexity.
No way man, I online in a college town and I can't tell the college kids from the high school upperclassmen. They all look like kids to me.
Give it more time. You’re going through a breakup
Omgosh! Lol Sorry. I didn't read it right. I'm still in bed with bleary eyes. Lol Thank you for pointing it out!!
That’s what stood out for me. No one saves 24m in a savings account. You might be worth that much through investments, but it’s not straight cash sitting in a savings account that’s only insured up to, what, $250,000?
shes the first not to leave the bedroom immediately for seeing it… live! everyone says ”oh it doesnt matter” but irl ive had an experience thats incredibly different
So since you're demisexual, you expect the entire rest of the human population to be demi as well? It's ok to have fantasies, it's not necessarily a betrayal. You're projecting your sexuality onto him and blaming him for being insufficiently demi. Seems pretty illogical to me.
Has he seen a doctor? If this is really different from previous times he has been sick, it might be worth it to check if everything is ok. And you should always cover your mouth when you cough.
I mean this in all sincerity, PLEASE remove “in all fairness” from your vocabulary before you tell her. And to answer your actual question, yes, tell her. She deserves the opportunity to get her health checked.
Why is your family disowning so many people? What the heck. That doesn’t sound like a very nice family if love is so conditional
Well. I'm a giant fuckin lesbian so I don't do anything for men. I also don't wax my nethers. I just am paid by other people to do it.
Do it with a smile and affection if you can. You only need to do it a few times and it'll stick. Or take up fishing.
This is soooooooo good!! If I had any awards I'd give you all of them!
If I were you, I’d go ahead and file a report. He’s been testing strangling on women without permission. He’s admitting to assaulting not just you but others as well.
So what happens when he actually kill’s someone bc he strangled too long or they struggled. He obviously thinks he’s absolutely in the right and any self defense is wrong.
He’ll keep doing it and one women might end up dead. He’ll have the ‘defense’ that they were doing kink stuff and have references if women that said they liked it.
Or no woman ends up dead but plenty will feel violated and manipulated into thinking they were wrong for not liking it.
Report this guy. He’s a menace at best and dangerous at worse.
So a little back story, I've pretty much handled everything since we've been together. So much in fact that 2 years ago her parents almost passed in a car accident. I took a month off from work to take care of them at night while she took care of them during the day. Her parents have no money coming in and will be broke at the end of this year. So I'm sure shes stressed about that.Her explanation to me was if I'm there, she knows she'll just depend on me like always and she won't progress with where she wants to be in life.
Many many many men are just sperm donors.
You make 12x more than your BF? That’s awesome, congrats on the nude work paying off!!
So many contradictions in your story. Especially the last line. You shouldn't have big conflicts this early and with so little reason. Probably not going to get better
Even in Toronto, it looks like the average house is $1.1M.
But back to your actual question: I totally get that this feels like a bait and switch, and it’s okay for you to decide that you don’t want to borrow $150k from family. I think you could compromise and buy a cheaper house or wait while you each save up more.
Are you in a healthy, good relationship? If yes, let this one go.
As Randall Graves once said: “let the past be the past”
So many questions…
Like why do you hang out at a car dealership?
I divorced 10 years ago and initially went through the feelings you're experiencing now. It sounds like you need some professional therapy. Have you ever attempted to move on with someone new? Did you take up new hobbies or focus on your work? It's been 11 years, so obviously you have been doing something — but there's a difference between treading water and swimming to a location. You need something to focus on that is not your ex-wife. Something you will look forward to at the end of a long work day. Bonus points if it gives you a sense of purpose or enjoyment.
Time should heal the divorce wound, especially if you were the initiator, but you cannot just float through life and expect the things you miss to fade on their own. You need to actively replace them with new motivations.
Fixed
Oh God my SO is nasty too. I'm so ready to call it quits ?
Yeah, he sounds like a giant narcissistic douche, break up.
This is usually an unpopular opinion, but it worked for my now husband and I. Been together for 15 years, married around year 10, met and the end of college.
We also got to this point about 5 years into our relationship. He assured me he was 100% committed to me, but wasn’t ready for marriage.
It was incredibly nude, but we decided to go our separate ways for a few months. And this is what I would suggest to you. Those months, we checked in with each other once a week at the same time, but that was the limit of our contact. It was also completely 100% don’t ask, don’t tell. No social media. And I left the country, it would have been exceedingly difficult for us to remain in the same city and so this.
After 3 months apart, we were still deeply in love with each other, but had found ourselves, as individuals, once again. He still wasn’t ready to get married, so I enrolled in business school, and he was ready by the time I graduated 18 months later. To me, he was worth waiting for, but I wasn’t going to wait around for him without working on myself and growing myself at the same time. I wasn’t going to waste the waiting time on him, I was going to wait and spend that time on me.
We dated for 10 years before getting married, are having our first baby this year on our 5 year anniversary. We had a really fun, loving 15 years with just the 2 of us, and are really excited about this next chapter of our lives.
Do some people suck and just drag people along because they love you but don’t want to be married specifically you? Only to marry the next person they date in less than year? Sure. If Reddit is any indication, it’s sadly common.
But some people and relationships just move along at their own pace.
You have been with your boyfriend since you were a child. You guys don’t know yourselves outside of the couple, not really. You need to get some perspective. Take some time apart and see where you are afterwards. It’s a naked thing to do, but if you set good boundaries, it could be a very loving, important step towards the life you want, with or without him.
Actually, telling bf that he can’t control what op wears would be op setting a boundary.
fun fact: you are in danger
How can you possibly expect to get useful advice when you give no context to your question?
Yes that’s true, he’s a very petty person clearly and very manipulative so I just don’t want him to keep my child from me because he’s threatened me before that if I don’t behave myself he’s going to get “full custody” so I can never see my baby again
There’s making small changes to better match a partner, then there’s changing WHO you are in order to be the person you think they want.
From your post, sounds like you’re far too clingy and desperate that you’re trying to change too much of yourself to become the partner that she is looking for. This isnt a gesture of love, it’s obsessive infatuation. Ya need to let go, move on, and not play this dramatic “oh, everything hurts without you” card. This sounds like the early stages of weaponizing feelings and threats of self-harm to try and manipulate someone into being with ya
We all thought the same thing at your age, trust me. It hurts man but you’ll regret begging her in the future
I'm married, so I would be in trouble for nicknames and pictures… Which may be defensible if you guys weren't two years in… But jump hugging? Seriously, the line should be drawn way way before the full body hug. Time to try and set some boundaries.
This is so terrible for you and I am sorry. I'm a stranger to you but I am so sorry. I don't think you owe anyone an apology … it all sucks and normally I would call someone a jerk for blowing up a wedding but if anyone has a valid reason to walk away its you.
The death of a child and the impact on your body is a terrible terrible devastation. I would npt expect you to even stop the most intense stage of your grief for a whole year.
Much less… have a wedding in 3 days.
Please dont talk to anyonr except for a therapist if they arent supportive of you.
Is therr anyonr on your side? Have them stay with you please.
Your passiveness is all this is just sad and embarrassing.
We haven't talked yet. Just spoke with my therapist about it.
Probably going to say something along the lines of, not sure why but my anxiety has increased being in a relationship. Hers definitely has too.
Darling, you need a new boyfriend!
Rule for healthy adult relationships: Don’t date people that throw and break shit as a tactic during arguments.
OP is straight up protecting a sexual predator. There is no way that's going to be the last assault this guy commits.
You shouldn’t put up with this for Greg Universe (the kindest Van Dad), and you definitely shouldn’t put up with it from this creep. I don’t know you at all but I can guarantee you deserve better
If he can’t pay rent, he can’t afford a lawyer. Kick him to the curb.
Thank you! No one ever told me doing the right thing is extremely difficult, but I guess, I'll just have to take one step at a time.