(Update) went thru my (25f) husband’s (28m) phone, should I be upset with what I saw?

This is just an update to the update.

(Porn addiction is very much real. Just as an example: he watches porn AT work. Also, I try to have sex with him. In fact, I used to initiate it ALL the time but he told me it turns him off when I do that which means we’re only having sex when he wants. So please, go ahead and tell me more about how it’s my fault because I’m not having sex with him)

To start this off: I went thru my husband’s phone when I was drunk one night and found a LOT of porn. It was a little over a month ago. I told him how it made me feel, he said he understood and that he had an addiction. I worked with him to go about getting help. I wasn’t mad at all, just hurt and was more than willing to help him because I genuinely love this man.

Things were moving great with him getting a referral from his doctor for a therapist. He even got as far as to making and scheduling the appointment.

But I’m sure you guys know where I’m going with this.

It was very easy to believe he was serious because he jumped on it and called his PCM and admitted over the phone to having a porn addiction. I thought he was super serious, and I think he thought that too until some time passed.

But, he never wrote the appointment down and he’s sure he has missed it. I feel incredibly stupid for believing him. I don’t even know if he ever had intentions of getting help even though I quite literally told him how horrible it made me feel.

What’s insane is that it was very badly affecting our sex life. I’ve posted on here before about how little we have sex. Well, after I found all that stuff on his phone I’m like 99% sure he DID stop watching it because we started having sex a LOT more and it lasted the entire month.

During this, I had to remind him about making the appointment several times, and I helped him with finding a therapist. Again, I feel dumb because that right there is the most obvious sign that he wasn’t going to change.

I was hurt and he told me what I needed to hear. But the shitty part is that I think he may have believed himself a little bit too.

During the whole last month, I started to realize he wasn’t serious about it because of how often I would have to remind him and each time it opened my eyes. So now, knowing he most definitely missed his appointment, I just feel numb.

I feel like my feelings don’t matter. I feel so fucking stupid. I can feel myself digging myself deeper in this hole. I’m depressed and feel ugly. I’ve lost over 10 pounds unintentionally. I cry myself to sleep because my husband would rather look at other women.

We have a 4 year old daughter together and I don’t know if I could get myself to leave him. Or if I even want to. I have no job. No job skills. No experience. No family. No money. I’ve been a stay at home mom for the past four years. I worked at fucking Wendy’s before then.

Should I even try to fix this problem? Should I just accept it and say fuck all with how I’m feeling?