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Date: February 23, 2023
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Christ, what a fucking mess. Why are you doing this to yourself?
No, she's working from home. I do know how to cook but it's usually simple classical meals. She does a lot of really complicated meals, sometimes she starts before I get home.
Just feels shitty to have games played with me and say she is thinking about our relationship and needs time to be alone (she specified time to herself). Yet still emotionally relying on me.
End it…
You aren’t his gf OP, you are a sexual tool he’s using for his own fetish. There is absolutely no chance that you will ever have a normal relationship with him. As soon as the novelty of you being with other guys Fades he will be on to his next victim.
You are still very young OP. It’s very, very common to make mistakes and have errors of judgment at your age. It comes with the territory. You need to get out. Take your time. Make careful plans. Do it suddenly and without discussion or confrontation. It will work out for you. Don’t worry. Thank your young self later. Good luck. ❤️
I mean, she proposed, I think that's pretty clear. Also it is implicit in any relationship that these things are the goal unless stated otherwise.
Why are you supposed to sacrifice for him when he doesn't give a shit about your feelings? If you're so important to him, perhaps he should have treated you like someone important to him.
Tell him it's over because you're no longer interested in being controlled, insulted or condescended to, and you don't want to hear from him again. Then block him. If he contacts you, **do not talk to him**. If you talk to him, you are telling him that whatever he did to get your attention is a good way to get you to talk to him. You don't have to convince him that you're making the right decision, you don't have to get him to agree, you don't have to make him not hate you. Just cut him off.
If you took the normal marriage vows before friends, family, each other and God, they clearly state, “forsaking all others”. It does not say ” forsaking all others of the opposite sex or who identify as such.” The fact that she may be bisexual means she just has twice as many individuals with which to forsake her vows. Whether emotional, physical or both, when you give to another that which was pledged only to you, it is clearly cheating and the worse possible thing a partner in marriage can do. She can justify it all she wants, but cheating is cheating and no different if you did the same with another woman. If you don't give your approval, it is cheating. Do not even hint at giving her an OK.
Tell her she can define it however she sees fit, but you have drawn a clear boundary. Any form of emotional or physical sex with another individual will be defined as infidelity and immediately lead to divorce. Tell her you are meeting with a lawyer to draw up both a divorce document and a post nuptial, which clearly defines both emotional and physical infidelity. It will apply to both of you and that in event of infidelity leading to divorce, the wayward walks away with nothing.
Tell her that given she has brought it up and so adamant, that you know she already has someone in mind if in fact she has not already cheated and trying to seek approval to avoid the consequences of being caught. Tell her given this, she will have the choice of which document to sign. That in choosing the post-nuptial with such a significant financial penalty will prove her commitment and provide some assurance to him and her of fidelity. Refusing to sign one or the other is not an option and choosing divorce or not signing the post-nuptial tells you all he needs to know.
Let her know she will have 1 week to make a decision. If none is made, she will be served and you will begin looking for a woman committed to fidelity and building a family together. I feel for you and seeing the lawyer ASAP is a great move on your part to be in control of this situation.
Ten years ago, during my son's 7th year of marriage with 3 kids under age 6, his wife had an affair with her boss. Long story short, they successfully reconciled into a great marriage. The key was having her served to awaken her from affair fog. When she begged for a second chance, he made sure she had to endure a list of consequences, one of which included the post-nuptial, to prove her commitment. Rug sweeping never works and is essentially a green light for a repeat. I have a 2 page write-up on the details of his experience and reconciliation plan. If you feel it could help provide some ideas, chat request me and I will send it to you. Also available to just chat or lend an ear.
Please let us know how it turns out.
Next time you see him mention that you saw him on hinge and slowly work the convo to asking him to hangout outside of work
He brought it up because he wants to do it. You don’t bring up something like that unless you want to do it. Maybe he felt he could manipulate the OP into getting what he wants.
That’s exactly what she should do. Because this is seriously inappropriate and any viable employer’s HR team should be very interested in this information.
He doesn't respect you, because even if this BS story was true he would've told you as soon as he found out if he did respect you. You're not overreacting to be pissed by this and to breakup – seems like the right decision to me here. But, if you want to attempt to work things out your boyfriend is going to have to make some changes. No more work trips with this boss, trying to get a new job/role away from that boss, counseling, whatever will help for you and your relationship.
The fact that you think this is remotely normal is alarming. Hope you take some of the advice from this sub and make him your ex. Why do you think you should tolerate this in a relationship?
Should have included a sleep-farting ban when you placed the roommate wanted ad.
Not sure whybthis has been downvoted
The therapist would prescribe you one divorce ?
Jesus Christ, this is awful. I'm so sorry, OP.
That's the best excuse he could come up with?
When someone breaks a boundary there needs to be a consequence or they would never take your boundaries seriously again.
If I were in your situation now, his consequence would be to cut her out of his life completely. It’s the consequence for breaking up my boundary of “Do Not Sleep In The Same Bed With Her”. If he’s not able to do that then I’d break up.
Yep
As a father lemme just say, that is fucked right the hell up man. That ain't playful, that's really fucked up.
We aren’t.
Your bf sounds really bad
There's nothing to fix. If there were anything to fix you wouldn't be able to because an addict can't help themself. The next drink/fix is all that an addict cares about and will do anything … lie, cheat, steal … to get it. It's time to move on. Sad what's happening to her. But, there is no point to you joining her on the slide down. Best wishes.
I mean… sounds like he isn’t into underaged porn specifically. He has to whole spectrum of porn. The sheer magnitude is baffling. How many gb were there?
Sadly, this is a common relationship ender.
Where no matter the decision, someone wins and the other loses.
Moving locations is a drastic major decision and needs to be one that both people are mutually happy with.
There is a reason why people say: Don't have a baby/get married to save the relationship.
This is sort of the same texture. Don't move to save the relationship.
I agree about the external influence, that is always frustrating.
However:
Moving to Melbourne is a non-negotiable for him.
Sounds like its my way or the highway. The deeper you think about it, the more damaging it becomes.
And if you decide to go Melbourne & Sydney permanently.. is that really a relationship worth staying in?
Seems like he is leaving and you're staying. The only option may be to see how that plays out and deal with this later.
It absolutely isn't stupid to leave this relationship. He is showing you that he has absolutely no interest in conflict resolution.
Obviously you also want to keep your cat and I appreciate, as a fellow cat human, that that is unacceptable. But the underlying message is, the moment there is conflict, my reaction is to end the situation and look at absolutely no ways to resolve the conflict.
That is a huge red flag relationship-wise.
He has gotten upset with his cats and tossed them outside but then he feels bad about it before we go to bed and he will go out looking for them.
DONT DO IT
Honestly, it sounds like he had one thing he wanted to do and when he did it he was over the whole situation. He sucked and could be embarrassed, sure. But his response was to do nothing at all. Next time you guys saw each other, he’d already gotten his fill so what’s the point?
This is one of those things where you just have to completely forget it happened.
Why on earth are you putting up with your partner always being rude to you? This is an issue you need to address immediately. Both your partner's behavior towards you and your acceptance of it. Talk to your partner about how his rudeness makes you feel – if he responds by invalidating you (“you're too sensitive” type of stuff), he will not change.
Dump the boyfriend, keep the dog
I second this! And OP you asked why go through 9 months of hell /body changes for a random? Ask those women ??. Happens all the time. I think sometimes it’s so obvious the kid is the fathers that I wonder if your bf has considered this?
Keep in mind you object to him questioning your faithfulness, not the actual paternity test. How long have you been together? If early, it makes sense to me for him to cover his basis before very long commutes. Perhaps there is a point he wouldn’t question the paternity but has never gotten that far.
Cause some people attack instead of help
Why was he giving them money?
r/sex is probably a better for your post
I suggested we watch porn once – to help get me in the mood. I felt really awkward and like he was judging me for needing to watch it (not that he was, it's just how I felt). We never did it again.
Oh, I totally understood. Did you?
Big restaurant. They may not even work together every day. There is a huge amount of staff.
Asking someone for their names is “giving them face.” “Being polite.” “Wanting to do right by them.”
WHY do people not get that it MAY be seen as a positive gesture?
NTA but you‘ve definitely outgrown him and he knows it. He wanted a wife who’s easy to control because she doesn’t have other friends or hobbies. He wanted to feel superior. And now you‘ve gone and changed your life for the better, the only thing that’s missing is a better partner.
Easy. Couple's therapy, first. Then your wife needs to clear up her lie by telling the community that it's actually your son, and she needs to explain why she lied about it.
There needs to be classes or PSAs to teach people how a healthy relationship is supposed to be. It is not healthy for your partner to take away or even try to take away whatever LITTLE alone time you have. Especially when you spend all your other free time with them.
OP needs to break up with this guy. This literally seems like the beginning of an abusive relationship. Holding the idea that your partner should act controlling in this manner makes me worry about a lot of people in this comment section.
You literally have two men who think they're your boyfriend and don't know about the other one because you're lying to both of them. Apparently your comprehension of the word “accountability” is about as solid as your comprehension of the word “accident”.
Actually, it can. You are going to have to decide whether you can live! with this or not. She’s free to do as she pleases. If you can’t handle that, best move on.
When women are diagnosed with cancer they are actually counselled about this phenomenon. 70% of male partners leave when their partner had a serious illness. I’m sorry for your diagnosis, I would encourage you to reach out to friends and family and figure out how to get the support you need.
Bottom line, he’s not worth another thought if this is how he’s going to roll.
Tremendously unprofessional of the photographer. I hope you didn't tip or leave a positive review for the asshole.
This is no one-stop solution or short-term fix. You have to earn her trust back. That takes time. Sorry, but you're simply gonna have to put in the work, and do it for a while.
Grow up. He left you because he wanted to find someone better, and after a year he still thinks you weren’t good enough to come back to. That’s not a problem with you, that’s a problem with him. The fairytale of him you’ve made in your head is fake. Your “husband” left you out of nowhere because he was scared of commitment. Move on and find an adult you can build a life with instead of trying to find ways to prove you’re good enough for a man who doesn’t want you. Love doesn’t make a relationship work, sticking around and making it work does, and that’s not what he chose to do
your father in law will absolutely rape your future daughters and the entire family will then shun her. THAT is your future if you stay. LEAVE! RUN!
I don't even need to read this. You just became a legal adult. Dump him and move on. Get all the tattoos you want. Don't date men who try to tell you what to do with your body
I don’t brag about my qualifications, I just take pride in what I do
His new nickname, dingle berry.
Preach! I am just getting to this stage and I am appalled at all the wasted time on people I thought I loved who did not matter in the end.
I have nothing against the Filipinos and their wonderful country.
I don't sympathize with men who can't get into a normal equal relationship and are trying to find a wife cheaply through a visa for her.
She wore it because she’s an autonomous adult allowed to dress herself. End of.
You shouldn’t stay with someone who treats you like that.
Sex is about the journey, not the destination. Orgasms aren’t the be all end all of pleasure. Sex should be about having fun and enjoying yourself, not a stressful race to orgasm.
LEAVE HER ALONE AND GROW UP.
This is creepy and awful and she has made her lack of interest clear, and you are STILL not that much nicer since you go from “I was so sweet to her” to “I said something extremely rude and mean.”
Respect her damned boundaries.
Counterpoint:
I think OP and fiancé are morally incompatible.
He’s comfortable in the sexual world. OP is conservative and has “struggles”. In addition she believes that ‘seeing’ leads to ‘doing’, so the sexual world is threatening to her. (No judgment intended.)
Problem is there’s a world of gray areas out there. A million risqué, sexy, artsy, things, plus TV shows, movies, etc. etc. Is OP going to set rules for everything he can see and do?
I would assume the guys decided to go to a strip club or a show, and he didn’t have time to call for permission. It’s a bachelor party in Las Vegas, a strip club is practically a cliché. Isn’t that why bach parties are in Vegas? After all, they can drink and gamble in 43 other states.
Its pointless for OP to make rules that the fiancé wants to break, inevitably will break, and will lie to cover up. That does not mean he will ever cheat, but for OP it means a marriage full of distrust and worry.
Yes end it. A loving partner supports you, they don't tear you down.