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Room for on-line sex video chat YulliaMilf
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Date: November 23, 2022
*My ex boyfriend is buddies with a pedo.
leave his fucking ass.
You can’t be serious, OP is sitting here insisting a dude she’s been with for two whole months prioritizes her over his career, yells at him, and then is completely oblivious to her obvious attitude problem?!
The title of this post wasn't “My boyfriend didn't respect my pain” she didn't even find it important enough to mention in the original post. Asking her if she tried to take care of him isn't out of bounds.
She didn't stop until after she was satisfied. Did attempt to take care of him otherwise? If she did and he still was pouting, he's ridiculous. If she just abandoned the whole thing, I think we can all understand he'd be frustrated.
I know you want to virtue signal about how it's over when she says it is, and that's fine, we agree. But acting like it's fine to ignore your partners needs is toxic and a really good way to get him to not concern himself with hers in the future.
of course it's cheating and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. if the roles were reversed everyone would say you're awful and he should leave you
He does have his own anxiety issues which is why I’ve been thinking maybe he is overthinking something on his own. He did say that im still celebrating Christmas with him and his family but ever since he hasn’t talked to me.
if it’s making her unhappy then you should try to stop
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The reason dudes get with significantly younger partners is because people their age won't put up with the shit you're dealing with. Whether it's sex, employment, mannerisms, ect. You deserve someone who values you and your needs, and can respect “no”. Run!
Every time he complains ask him how the job hunt is going?
“Complain about my parents and this house one more time and you will need to find somehere else to stay. This is my parents home and you are being rude to them and me. When you get your own place to online you can make it how you want.”
Being so close to everything makes it naked to see the big picture. I suppose I just need reassurance that I'm not condemning my self to eternal suffering and my daughter to the very hot ship of having a single mother. I'm afraid, and don't even know where to start.
You’re response should be “I want you to tell me when my car is gonna be home”
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If i write my issue in the comments u mean? Will that work then i can delete it and it will go away?
You’re tearing me apart!
“She's been browsing pet stores”.
That's the red flag right there. Instead of browsing about dog behaviour, dog breeds, training, their needs… She just focused on getting a cute puppy, a goldedoodle petland, ffs!
OP I caution believing this without help. Because without outside help he’s not magically coming up with boundaries. If you do stay he needs a concrete plan for what those boundaries look like
You should go to therapy.
Also, spending free time with the kids only two days a week isn't that much. I think your wife is probably fed up that she is doing most of the parenting. Her idea of having an open relationship could be so she has free time away from the kids and you have to take over the parenting.
I will never understand people who get upset by a gift. It just seems so entitled to me. Unless it's something offensive, you should be grateful of whatever gift you get. It's something free you didn't have before. If it's bad, you didn't lose anything
yes, definitely. I would honestly treat it as an emergency. I would try to reach out to many people as possible saying what is going on. Specially if you say that is not like him.
Thank you for sharing! I'll try to remember that. Right now I'm just trying to process everything, I don't want to have more things to think about.
Seems like many people are assuming he overhand threw him at the wall or something
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So when you started dating her you were like a year and a half out from sleeping with one of your good friends?? That definitely seems like important information; especially if she had questions about it from the beginning. It sounds like she had questions that should have been answered 15 months ago.
You should have told her this yourself. What were you expecting to happen?
17 years of smoking and cigarettes were naked to quit than heroin, cocaine and alcohol. I’ve been hooked on them all and cigs were absolutely the hardest, primarily because THEY ARE EVERY
would you want him to leave you if the shoe was on the other foot….
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Glad it's done with. The only thing I could say is to try avoid situations where you let other people control you. Well specifically your dad. Do not put yourself in a position where he thinks he can do something. You absolutely have the law in your side and always keep it that way!
Most of what you described are not signs of an early pregnancy but since you have a positive urine test (even a faint line is considered a positive result) you should get a blood test asap.
What do you mean ignores him? Are you saying that your bf is talking to your father directly and your father doesn’t answer? Or are you saying your father doesn’t make conversation with him?
Because if it’s the second one then that is not ignoring and you’re being smart in the way you’re saying that, it’s like you’re trying to get people to agree with you.
Just leave your father alone. Stop butting your head in places where it’s not wanted.
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I hate having my picture taken sounds like a win to me.
Could you get a DNA test done on them? Honestly it is unlikely to make much difference and I think the other posters advice of leave and stick up for your son is the best advice. But if you feel you are not able to do that yet, a DNA test would be a logical next step so you could prove he is his son at least biologically.
Queer is an umbrella term so she could be bisexual
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If you online across the country, do you fly there for 1 hour?
Did you ever asked your gf why doesn't want a relationship with your mither or if something happened?
Gonna be real with you dude. Your ex soundss incredibly toxic and manipulative. Like everything sceams massive red flag. Yall agreed to breakup and see other people fir a while and I'm very positive she's been doing that. Of course she said she doesn't have a particular person since that might make you realize yall are done. The fact that she said she wants to have sex with other people pretty much confirms it. Honestly sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants to keep you on the hook while also seeing other people. She doesn't want you to experience other relationships as that might help you realize how toxic she is.
Gonna be real with you dude this relationship needs to end and you will be sad for a while but happier in the long run. Just look at the texts she sent you they are extremely manipulative.
Is she supposed to attend every year? Maybe every 5/10 years… Otherwise I rather hang myself.
If you guys are from the same culture, which is Taiwanese, why are you phrasing shit like “in his language” don’t you speak cantonese?
Usually, these scammers find their victims through dating apps. How did he say he got in contact with this person in the first place?
Just because someone deals you a hand of cards doesn't mean you need to pick up and play.
I've been in situations like this. Best thing to do is to not play.
Thank you for your heartfelt response… I absolutely agree and it shows a lack of respect and maturity. Sadly ghosting is a app thing. Jeez the people on Reddit do it is unreal lol ? Please don’t let this define your experiences and bounce back stronger for this. Keep smiling buddy
There's a difference between “wow that's a good deal on this item that usually sells for a lot more”, which is how normal people think, and “oh wow $300 is not that expensive at all”
But why did you break up?
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So she can say what she wants, but you can't. She sounds like an intelligent and entitled cunt
why don't you move to a city where his field is more required?
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A good friend wouldn't be so inconsiderate and impulsive. There are 7 billion people out there, why go after one that would be sensitive to your “best friend” ans then lie about it/go behind the back. Slimey and snake like and gross.
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But how long would it take those shots to make you black out and belligerent? It wouldn't be 60 seconds before you feel it like it is when you smoke.
I think its important for future kids to share the same name as her.
Take her last name and problem solved. Why does she has to change her name she feels attached to?
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Exactly
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Thank you for advice… I just feel like most of people told me that it's somethign wrong with me…
Where is the difference between a normal kiss and a peck to you?
Yes, he apparently just stayed silent and let things happen until the last minute, he said he didn’t know how long it lasted but that it was “quick”. But when I pushed for a length of time it seemed a lot longer than what he was saying ?
Plain out right just hit him with it. The bills need to be paid, I can't do it on my own, man up and find a job!
Doesn't work all the time, but it's a last resort. If this doesn't work, there's no future for you two. Fast forward a few years and you two have kids and he just lays around all day on reddit and you do everything else. That just doesn't work in this economy and world order, in most cases both parties need to contribute in the budget.
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He needs a break. So does she. But she needs a break from her mother. Not him as much. At the end she needs to save and move out but not with him. They may not have much a relationship left after this experience.
Sometimes some folks should stay alone for awhile.
Thank you for your feedback.
Nothing to do. You talked to her for 6 months and didn't make a move so somebody else did. You should learn from this, just because you are friendly with a girl doesn't mean she will just wait half a year till you ask her out. If you are interested in her, just aske her out on a date
My partner is the first one to go grab my vibratory and use it on me while doing the deed. ? this man is crazy. You’d be better off without him tbh lol
I think he's probably more of a drunken philosopher that creates theories on how “everyone” feels and has to tell you all that. Of course he can't know whether everyone feels like that and whether “most men would cheat” or not. It's good he's not hiding the porn he watches from you, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything good will come from snooping around. Porn has a lot of different scenarios, 'fucking your friend's wife' sounds really basic and just watching that doesn't mean he's gonna cheat on you.
Bottom line is whether you trust him or not. Don't draw any conclusions or make important decisions based on porn titles in his browsing history. If he's giving you reasons not to trust him fully that's a different problem completely.
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She is not a child. She moved out.
I’d never put his wants or needs above my children’s, but everyone’s wants and needs are put above my own and that’s kind of how it’s always been because it’s “easier” than confrontation. You’re right though, he is being a dependent and not a partner.
I so badly want to be able to give them the world but I’ve screwed up my life to such a huge extent by letting people take advantage of me and I’d probably be worse off if he wasn’t here because I can’t cover that extra 800$.
My dad financially abused me and owes me close to 100k that I know I’ll never see. I worked for him for 2 years, sent him my hours every 2 weeks and something would always come up where he couldn’t pay me and he’d have me “add it to the total” that he owed me. He also maxed out my line of credit to pay off his credit cards so that he could improve his credit score and apply for a loan to pay me back what he owed me under a larger loan, but again, something came up and he maxed them out again, lost his job and couldn’t qualify for anything. Before evicting us from the apartment, he wanted to try and make ends meet by having me co-sign on 2 car loans (they approved him for more than the car’s worth so that he’d get cash on top of it), so I did, thinking I’d be able to stay where I was living.. huge mistake because clearly that didn’t work out, but I wanted to try and provide stability for my 2 kids that struggle tremendously with transitions. The move was naked for them, but they’re happy now.
When I told him I had no more money left, he tried to get me to “lend” him money out of my kids’ disability funding, but that was taking it too far and I refused. He threatened to kill himself but I didn’t care anymore. He’s cut off now, but I still have the maxed out line of credit and 2 car loans. I literally can’t get ahead, I can’t undo what’s been done and even though I was the person to help him out the most, I’m at the bottom of his list of people to pay back.
Most days, I don’t want to be here anymore but I can’t do that to my kids. I do so much for so many people and nobody is willing to do the same for me. The issues with my boyfriend are just the tip of the iceberg, but I don’t want to dig myself into a deeper hole by trying to make everything work with zero resources when I shouldn’t have to.
I can’t afford to stay here but I can’t afford the truck or movers, first/last month’s rent etc to go elsewhere and I really don’t want to uproot my kids’ lives after less than a year since the last move.
I don’t know why I keep ending up in these unhealthy relationships but I’m starting to think that I’m the problem because the situation was the same with my ex. I can’t just not clean or not cook, my OCD is debilitating if I don’t have the housework under control but taking care of everything is going to kill me slowly.
Would it make me a bad person if I straight up stopped buying groceries? I’d be tempted to just respond with “Sorry, can’t afford it ??♀️” if he asked when I was going to do them. I’d still buy the kids’ food (obviously), but they eat different things. I typically cook 3 separate meals so that I can ensure that the kids have a “safe” meal to eat because their diets are so limited and I need them to be fed.
You don’t want to, you have your answer. Don’t let him trample over you and convince you to do something you don’t want to do. You said no, he has an answer and if he keeps asking he’s not respecting your boundaries.
I get he's upset he wasn't satisfying as he was left to believe he was but his reaction to you finally telling him what you need shows he was never going to prioritize your pleasure anyway.
Idek what to tell you. I'd never demand this from someone I love in the first place.
The fact that I’m defending it has nothing to do with the lessons I learned. Im simply pointing out that there isn’t always an ulterior motive and people fuck up. I recognize that because I have fucked up plenty of times.
Learn to give grace and not assume the worst in everyone.
Oh my god that’s horrible! How long have you been talking to this man?
So she showers at night, you guys have sex then sleep then she gets up and goes about her day without showering again?
This hurts to read. I'm so sorry – for both of you.
A lot of people struggle with guilt and anger in situations like this – not realizing that they should not feel guilty AT ALL. People may feel like they were drinking so it's their fault, they didn't say no enough, they didn't fight enough, there are a million reasons, but the reality is – it doesn't matter if she chose to drink/was drunk. Even if she isn't comfortable saying she was raped, she was COERCED. She was taken advantage of.
Good men do not hone in on the drunkest girl they can find, and take her off to a bedroom. Good men say “No” to someone who isn't sober – even if they're getting climbed like a pole.
Not everyone learns that, and many who do don't understand until after something like this happens.
If your friends are going to talk shit about her, tell them to grow the fuck up, and understand that there are 2 sides to every story. Point out the coercion thing. If you love her and they can't be respectful, they need to go.
As far as the guy who did it goes, everyone will react differently to that. I'd confront him, but I'm old and bitchy. Whatever you decide, keep him away from her too. And…. I highly doubt she's the only one he's done that to. Something to think about.
She's trying so naked to move on, but it sounds like she's still struggling. You may also want to suggest she find someone to talk to, to help her understand this is NOT her fault. Good luck to you both. ❤️
She cries easily during life, why would she not cry during an argument with her spouse? OP said she cries to derail the conversation, but she's just crying. HE is the one derailing the conversation because she is crying.
You are the one being manipulative. You are trying to shame and embarrass her out if her natural personality. You seem neither to like her nor to care about how you are hurting her.
You are 30 years old. It’s time to think like an adult and quit projecting mommy and daddy onto your wife.
If you need to get help with this, get it. Otherwise, you are going to destroy your marriage and injure her irreparably.
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Closure isn't going to necessarily makes things better mentally for you. Dont put up with her BS a minute longer and move on. Keep your chin up, there's heaps of better potential partners/friends out there that will respect you.
It’s not realistic to expect to continue living with your ex long-term. One of you is going to have to move out. So instead of trying to force her to online with someone who dumped her (for reasonable reasons, of course), talk to her and figure out how you can continue co-parenting while getting the space you need from each other.
Edit: not trying to draw any stereotypes here! It’s just what was the outcome of talking to a few friends of mine and most men partly understanding his reaction
He's fucking with you because you're a child and he knows he can control you. This is a grown ass man. He's not gonna kill himself because he can't smoke inside. He's groomed you and manipulated you. Please for the sake of your life please leave him. Create a plan, have the police escort you to your parents house, and don't collect your stuff from him alone. Best of luck girl you deserve so much better than an abusive cheating old scumbag.
I do understand that…you seem to be unable to understand that there are other possible reasons.
Fingers crossed you’re right
Couldn't access the internet unless in the living room, so no privacy eve up till 18✔️
Even when he paid for it himself you still controlled it (I'm guessing the system/wifi/applications) ✔️
Refused to treat him like his age and instead imposed internet limits to that if a 6 year old ✔️
Refuse to listen to his feelings on how things were for him and how it affected him ✔️
Invalidate his feelings ✔️
Threaten to cut off funds for college for his feelings about how he was treated ✔️
Dude I'm sure there was so much more he said about the way he was raised but you only included the internet part.
You don't want it to cause a rift? How about you take accountability for your actions, stop invalidating his feelings, stop threatening to cut him off for thinking that you guys control issues affected him.
Parents like you refuse to admit any wrongdoing, expect your kid to respect you no matter how you treated them, and then act all surprised when their adult child cuts off all contact and doesn't invite you to their wedding or allow you to meet their kids.
You want a relationship with your kid? Be a better parent.
He will always cheat. Get out
Yess, totally agree with you and trust me, done my due diligence lol I work in IT, so I also know where to look and what to do. Everything checks out. He doesn't have social media, but his family and wife do. Found them. Nothing shady. I know the address of his wife (their former home) and his current address (where he lives alone now). The video call also happened years ago, multiple other people were there, from the same group. Some of whom I have met.
they keep asking me to figure out a way for them to trust me.
That’s not how trust works. THEYRE the ones that know what they need, or at least they know more than you would. You can’t read their mind. What might help them figure it out is to google how to repair trust after cheating, read some articles on it. They can use that as a way to see what has worked for others and see if anything might stick out as something that could work for them. Or you can do that as well, but then you’d just be guessing. They’re the ones who would know if it actually would help them or not.
Ya know, hate to break it to Folks but lots of people in their 60’s still have sex, wear sexy lingerie & still enjoy sex toys, especially with online access (yes, know how to use iPhone & computer).
Now do think the occasion might be questionable (especially with a teens & parents gathered) but did find a similar lovely gift in my stocking…& have enjoyed almost daily.
Is he a virgin ?
It would be nice it he would have been able to communicate this.
In this case I would tell him – hey you didnt have to go behind my back, we could have done it together.
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People that accuse their partners of cheating with no grounds are usually the ones cheating and using the accusations as a distraction.
Are you really sure he's getting divorced? Sounds more like he works far away from his wife and family and returns once a month to his home.
Here'e me thinking “Hey, Dr. Ruth was also someone's grandma.” But you're right–even if it WAS a frequent topic before, these gifts are inappropriate, especially in a public family setting.
It’s already broken bud. Let her go and let your child see you making choices that prioritize their health.
What do you get out of being in this relationship other than self doubt??
It is really weird to get to the age of 30 without knowing how many times a day to brush. Like, that seems like the kind of thing that would come up in any cursory lookup of dental hygiene. I'll admit that I don't always online up to that, but I at least know the correct amount of times.
To be honest, there is no excuse for not working when the kids are as old and independent as these kids. It can be very overwhelming to have 100% financial responsibility. Not excusing his outrageous behavior, but after a while the person working full time starts to think about how much better it would be to have 2 incomes rather than one.
You have a fiance problem. Until she is ready to stand up to her family she is not ready for a serious relationship. Give her some time; get her to go to counseling to help her process their toxicity. In the meantime, lc and grey rock her family.
It's about the thought, care and time that goes into make a meal and sharing it with someone.
You think of food as thing that feeds your body. Your wife is thinking of food that feeds your soul.
I do sincerely love him.
Then you have a weirdly skewed idea of what love is supposed to be. If the person you love doesn't make you happy, I'm sorry that's sick. you're doing very well since the anorexia seems to be in the past, please don't replace that with an addiction to someone who's cruel to you.
There's no financial control. We have a joint account and separate accounts with him also putting money into my own account for me to save.
I was 13 then, he was 21 and he liked me from the start
Uhhh
I was 16, and he was 24 when we got together
calling the cops
Also, we've been together for such a long time, and I don't want it to be wasted.
You've also been worn diapers and consumed out of a baby bottle for years of your life. Why don't you keep wearing them now and getting your food from a baby bottle? You already wasted years doing those things.
This is called growth, things that served you once dont serve you anymore and its ok to move on from them. This is also sunk cost mentality- the thought that since you already spend so much time and resources on something, you feel bad abandoning it now and would rather try to fix it. Its very very bad, and you can Google the effects
I don't know what to feel.
You should feel incredibly lucky you got away from your groomer, not everyone can do that. That's a pedophile that groomed you into a relationship and then had you for years as a bang maid to do all his housework while he plays video game.
I am so so sorry you didn't have someone in your life to save and protect you fron this pedophile (YES THAT'S WHAT HE IS). Having kids is yet another way to trap you with your abuser, because then it becomes that much harder for you to leave. Imagine your situation- could you have left him if you had a kid with him?
I know what you'll say – you did this willingly, je didn't force you. Again, you were a minor and he was a full grown adult. You're 21 now, would you go date a 13 year old guy today? Do you see how creepy that is?
You need to completely block and delete hin on every platform. If he doesn't stop contacting you just go to the authorities and get a cease and desist.
Just because you spend 10 years being abused by this guy doesn't mean the rest of your life has to be like this. Imagine yourself at 40s and in your 50s. Imagine how much memories you'll make with the right person. Not to mention you were a CHILD during most of this and he a grown man forced this relationship on you. Him saying the relationship meant so little to you – i would slap his bitch face away. Bitch you were dating a 16 year old, what do you expect her to put into this 'relationship'?
Stay safe and good luck to you out there
Before we met in person he knew I wasn't his type because I'm not a skinny gothic chick. Do you understand what I'm saying?
He is a creep. Grown ass man dating a teenager. He's trying to groom you. Everyone here is telling you the truth but, you're refusing to listen. You need to run.
Is it possible he doesn’t think she is his child?
>> It makes me feel weak for having a naked time dealing with it, and how badly her mood impacts me as well.
You aren't weak, though? It's *normal* to feel greatly affected by an emotionally abusive partner. Which is what your gf is — she is emootionally abusing you, OP. Does she lash out like this at her boss, or at her coworkers, or at the police if she gets pulled over? No? Then she can control this; it' easier for her not to around you. It really does'nt matter whether she *means* it. I don't care if you're stomping on my foot because you're clumsy, or because you enjoy causing me pain. *I just need you to get off my foot.*
And that's the problem you're in love in with a ghost hoping he'll be the same as he used to be but hate to break it to you, but that person is gone and is lost forever and is it really worth being miserable and in pain for a less than 1 percent chance he'll go back
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Thankyou, yeah. Pretty much just a thanks for not coming bro. This sucks!
The dog is growling at him for a reason,,,
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She is trying to pawn it off as nothing, knowing that it's anything but nothing in hopes that you are ok and her guilt is alleviated. She fucked up and this is damage control.
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She would not even seen anything on it if she herself was not actively searching for info about open relationships. The idea was already in her mind before evil tik tok sent her all those supposed brainwashing videos on open relationships. I use tik tok and I have never seen one open relationship video pop up on me. I see plenty of make up, fitness, paranormal, metaphysical, and wedding ideas, which is because the algorithms picked up on my interests. Any one that is that impressionable in their late 20s, that would use tik tok for their life’s most important choices is some one who’s maturity is quite stunted and probably should not be on the internet.
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I am addicted to my girlfriend, that means I can’t marry her? /jk
Yeah, addictions suck and it will always be a fight.
OP, if you were a woman and your husband did this to you about 50% of the comments here would've been encouraging you to get a divorce. But I don't think you should expect your wife to cancel her plans. It just probably should've happened. In sickness and health. Thankfully you are going to recuperate. But covid taught us to hold our family a little tighter and not take them for granted. She took you for granted. Feel better.
I get zero videos on TikTok about open relationships. My feed is full of sheep sheering videos, DnD skits, cats, and book recommendations. The app is an algorithm that shows you things you’ve indicated to it that want to see.
Hooooooo boy if that is your stance on late 20 year olds you're gonna be sorely disappointed by the rest of humanity. I had to for the most part cut contact with a certain segment of my friend group over tiktok. They are in their 30s and basically online their lives entirely dictated by what is trending on tiktok and what is promoted by the content creators they follow.
Well since you don’t want the only logical reaction in this which is leaving her, I guess get over it. However keep in mind she refused to give you intimacy and easily gave it to someone else.
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Yeah, he's causing this as much as the ex. I suspect the GF is already done.
You need to have keep on good terms with your kids mother. Or she will try to poison your relationship with your kids. She is mentally unstable in my opinion. Let your current girlfriend know that you are totally focused on her. Let your ex know that you aren’t interested in going to the past anymore.
Your ex needs to get significant counseling and therapy. She is not stable in the least.
A lot of women shouldn’t be dating or getting married. They have so much untreated mental health issues that the last thing they should be doing is pursuing any relationships.
I did and but I still feel bad and somehow guilty. I guess I liked him a lot and it sucks that he flipped on me when I actually really was there for him 🙁
Well my family says that
But it's the logical solution. My husband has a pretty chill job and works from home. I do 24 hour shifts. It just makes sense for him to do most of the housework. If he didn't even work at all? No. I'm not mopping the floors after just running my ass off for my whole shift. I'd be pissed. (Side note, that he doesn't get to be a slob tho. There's difference)
your husband sucks I do t care he left you’ll be better without
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No offense, but most people do all those things while also working full time. Your husband is trying to nicely tell you that he needs you to have a life outside of him. You might be okay with having a life that completely revolves around your husband, but he obviously isn't. He's probably too nice to tell you that you are limiting him from doing the things that he loves.
Out of curiosity, are you doing anything to overcome your anxiety? If you don't make an effort, the clock may be ticking on your marriage.
Start with simple things that you are confortable sharing. What her favorite color was. What remind you of her. Some mundae memories.
It’s people putting human emotions into their pets.
She’s into someone who’s in that group which is why she avoided bringing you and why she lied about what they had planned. Pretty soon she will be talking to one of these guys even more and if you ask she will tell “you don’t have to worry about him”. Which we all know will be bullshit
Agreed. OP, didn't you watch Midsommar? Just be honest and save everyone—but specially her—the dragged out and unnecessary grief.
This will probably be a waste of your time and lame ass relationship. It’s just toxic, some people are into dat shit so ??♂️ But it’s never sustainable or healthy.
She agreed to having sex on New Year's before. There's no cheating involved and she's never had a low libido. Things started waning off after a little while into our relationship and I've always been supportive of her low sex drive. I've been understanding and all I did today was say that I'm disappointed that something that we had agreed upon previously got chucked to the side by her.
I'm going to a therapist and she has asked me to break up with her before since nothing is working.
I'm cold and angry. I'm sitting at a bus stop right now after being locked out of my own house. I'm crying and scared at the same time. I know that I'll fuckin end this relationship. No amount of anything is worth me going through what I'm going through right now.
Get a STD test. See if you could get your name off lease and move out and stay with your family or friends.
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At least she seems to have good taste in men.
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What you did was absolutely right, you assessed the danger and acted. Could something bad have happened? Sure, but you could also be attacked and have no one help you. Don't listen to people who tell you to ignore people who need help because someday that person could be you or someone you love.
While you were in the early learning about each other she was actively sleeping with another man. Italian or not. It didn’t matter that was negligible stuff. A man was sleeping with her the entire first one to two months before you saw each other. She lied to you for years. She should have told you in the beginning that she was seeing another man. The fact that you are dwelling on this is really about discovering she can lie and for years about remaining faithful to you.
In your mind breaking up is not an option. She she just revealed she can lie about serious think like this. Imagine you have another serious problem which I am 100% sure you will. How do you know her next fantasy isn’t to be with a French man? Or a Dutchmen? Or a Japanese guy? Seriously this lady can not be faithful and loyal to you and she is underplaying something serious.
I'm a millennial and I cannot fathom doing that to my parents or in-laws. In fact, I'm a SAHM and maybe would like a break, but I would never even ASK them. I might take them up on an offer but they've done enough for us as parents and grandparents. I could never burden them that way. Plus… I really like spending time with my kids. It grosses me out that people do this – did they even want kids in the first place? They're not a goddamn accessory…
I want to be apart of my sons life, I don’t want him to grow up and think he has a deadbeat father
Sounds like you fully assessed the situation before intervening, which is extremely important bc it is dangerous. I 100% would’ve done the same thing. Once I didn’t intervene bc a friend didn’t want us to get involved (someone else eventually did) and i regret it to this day. I have since intervened on a few occasions and think of the one time I didn’t every time. I will never apologize for being a decent human and will never let someone stop me from trusting my instincts ever again.
But the mature thing would have been to talk about this.
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Risks are part of life. I never had a problem with it and my kids are very much alive.
I did just realize
I think if the man I love believes I’m capable of cheating on him, then it’s time to say bye.
She’s upset I don’t trust her but this really affected me. I’ve been cheated on in almost every other relationship and what she did felt like she cheated on me because she broke rules and broke my boundaries
I did everything in the last paragraph with no improvement from him
Do you want a boob job? If not, don't even consider doing something so extreme to your own body to please someone else.
Sounds like a good plan tbh. As long as they're healthy communication and good treatment involved, I don't see an issue.
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Do not accept this, you should lay out equitable terms in the prenup if you plan on being a stay at home mom.
Stand up for yourself! Why do you allow him to treat you like this? It is absolutely NONE of his business what you did while you were single.
Stand up for yourself! Why do you allow him to treat you like this? It is absolutely NONE of his business what you did while you were single.
I don't like piercings but it's your body and your aesthetic and you guys seem to be a mismatch. More communication isn't going to work here, you're both firm on your points.
Sounds like they’re just better matched
This is highly likely but I still think you did the right thing here. But if you have the chance to talk to your ex again you could maybe ask her if this is the case and then give her the advice to be her own person and not let others manipulate her. Also, she might want to find a new friend and roommate.
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Oh, she knows of the dangers already but i still prefer to stay close
Bringing the friend and having her frigid speak on her behalf is weird. Your relationship problems should be worked out in private. She could have sent you a message about her concerns.
Another thing is when it comes time to get physically intimate. If she feels uncomfortable about something and she speaks to her friends they might convince her that she was sexually assaulted and then your life could be turned upside down.
You sound like an AI bot creating a story for how not to girlfriend…
YTA divorce
Chicken.
If I “omit” the fact I am having sex with other girls it’s still a lie if I said I wasn’t.
400 is definitely a measly sum for selling your dignity and pride to a random stranger on the internet.
The thing is if she had ASKED me first whatever, but she’s done it twice months apart and told me she doesn’t even message other guys.
is Lana going to tan darker than she already does for the cosplay? if not.. i don’t see why Kate didn’t have an issue before Lana wanted to be that character. if she is, in some Japanese subcultures where tanning is important to the look, the standard is to go no more than 3 shades darker than your natural color (so it doesn’t come off as blackface). so she could use that tip?
i can see both sides. getting the skin color right isn’t essential to the cosplay, but also your gf is just dressing up. it probably just feels a bit offensive if she’s a lot tanner than she usually is.
Kate is likely more butthurt than anything and just wanted y’all to understand where she was coming from. but if Lana is just choosing a character easier to play because she likes to tan… Kate can lighten up a bit.
Your BF was extremely open, honest and transparent with you. Even refused to drive her no matter how often she asked him. He set clear boundaries with her.
This is all on you, extreme jealousy while you literally had no reason to. It has nothing to do with your looks, but your insecurities and how you view yourself. If you cannot see yourself the way you partner did, which was clearly very positive until recently, you'll self-sabotage every new relationship you'll ever be in.
Get help. Learn to love yourself.
Pregnancy can still happen there's still a precum which you can't detect. It's not just about protecting sexually transmitted infections. I mean regret or not as long as you make changes for the better than this was not a waste.
In your girlfriends favor: I said you made a bad decision in the moment but your girlfriend is not allowed to make a bad decision in the moment?
Against your girlfriend: If the gender wad reversed you know people saying rape, and with merit too.
What kind of device are you hoping for what would be the best outcome for you?
first reasonable person i’ve seen when searching via controversial
Mmmmm I don’t recall him confirming it was for religious, but I didn’t read all of it so I may have missed it.
It’s bizarre that these grown men want to fight at a wedding.
It’s bizarre that these grown men want to fight at a wedding.
It was strange… thank you for that info it is an odd thing to mention and experience.
Now I am sad. Because I read the book, or thought I did, and thought it was good, or thought I thought it was good.
She's sexually assaulting you and raping you. Explain that to her, don't sugar coat it. And if she continues or tries to downplay it, then you know where you stand. Some people need the actually words used to realise what they're doing. At the same time though, someone who's okay doing this in any context isn't someone I personally would want to be with. So rather than try to talk to her about it when you already have, I would just leave.
how am I offended? it’s just dialogue about the subject and related matters. I’m just working through my thought process on the topic
she called me randomly yesterday about how she was so sad and she wanted to see me, but she shouldn't because my roommates would think its weird if she came. I wanted her to come over so I can give a final verdict. I wanted to tell her, you can either block this guy and admit you cheated and we can maybe repair things. Or blow it up call her a cheater and a liar and that I never want to see or hear of her again. I ended up saying no I work and left it at that.
Don't know why you have to be gentle about it. Sounds like you're pretty pissed off and resentful, and rightfully so.
Probably want to give him some notice but it's going to be awkward if you're still living together after the fact.
Figure out how much more you can take, tell him, then move back home right away. Give him a couple month's notice at least though. At that point, resign yourself to completing your portion of the lease but stop paying for anything else like utilities or internet.
Neither of you did anything particularly wrong and you're completely within your rights to block and end communication, for any reason.
I'd have done the same thing in this position.
You also have to be reasonable. You call yourself a 1 but seem to expect girls who are anything but a 1 to like you. And girls who you see as 1's, you reject.
Like yeah, you're not gonna get a naked babe if you are as unattractive as you say you are. Date within your own league. You'll be more succesful that way, focus more on personality than looks or work on improving your own looks if you want more attractive women.
Your girl deserves better ? I hope her friend is a true friend as I’m getting the impression that if she gave you the green light, you’d jump straight on that.
Hi, person with chronic depression here. So first of all I want to ask if your girlfriend is in therapy due to her mental health issues? I also want to say that there is a difference between being repulsed by sex and having no interest for it. Repulsion might indicate some sort of trauma while lack of interest might be a major symptom of depression or a side-effect of medication… I would say that your girlfriend should talk with her psychiatrist about changing medication or starting it?
During a time when you haven't just had sex, sit her down and say “I've told you i don't like that, and you are violating my consent. I will break up with you if you continue to assault me.” If she laughs at youbduring this conversation, tell her it's over.
No means no. Stop means stop. Don't stay with anyone who refuses to accept that.
I kinda find it funny that he speaks about her being a hypocrite only after he “got it out of his system”.
“Blah-blah-blah, resentment”.
Yeah, fuck her resentment, right? After all, he got it out of his system, time to call it a day.
Yeah the rules are we check in morning and night, nothing more. We decided we are still exclusive as well.
Tell your husband, flat-out, that you do not find the neighbor attractive and it made you VERY uncomfortable that the wife made such a crude offer to you. Even go so far as to tell him that you are so weirded out, you don't want to interact with them any more.
Well, the truth is you and I both know you don’t need to be married or stay with her to have a baby. She wanted to marry and you didn’t so you made a choice. What are you going to do now? Also, leave her out of your influences if she wants to have the baby she has the baby if she doesn’t she won’t don’t pressure her.
And if the pregnancy is real doesn’t mean he is the father
It sounds like he's not serious about a career and that you aren't a great match, but I'm curious why he's so irritable without the cannabis. Is he just snapping at you because it's fun for him? Or is he using it as a coping mechanism? Has he ever had any kind of mental health evaluation? I feel like there could be underlying issues also contributing to lack of motivation, and while it is not your job to fix it if there are, if you don't know about them then you don't actually know him very well. If there aren't, I would just leave, you're not compatible (I'd probably suggest this to you anyway).
You can break up with someone because they're kind of a jerk and have a crappy job. No need to overanalyze it.
That's a whole lot of words for “my husband is deeply insecure”
He is not a good guy. He wants your money, doesn’t care about your health, it’s all me, me, me with him. I fully understand why his first wife divorced him. Don’t be naive, or you will divorce him too, but he will leave you with no money.
And what happens if you are infertile? Realistically, it is highly unlikely you have enough time to have 4 kids. Do you even want 4 kids?
I would leave now if I were you. No need to marry the controlling freak.
How often does this happen?
She's made it pretty clear that she doesn't care about the impact of her behavior on you, and sees it as your job to be her nurse when she feels like treating you like crap.
Big Sage is fucking insidious. OP is an in unwitting pawn in the Spice Wars. Obviously the wife is up to some Bene Genesserit devious shit to produce the Kwitzas Haderach and too much thyme will hinder the scheme.
Just remember, OP, whatever happens:
The Spice must flow!
Honestly neither of them would fight me for her. She’s said she’d sign her legal rights away and I’m 100% sure mark would in a heartbeat. I’m not really sure if it’s more complicated than that though. I mostly just wanna keep things where they are until Veronica turns 18.
Your bf checked out of the relationship a while ago based on his sudden change of behavior she distancing himself from you in favor of phone calls with others and social s. Trust this means he's already looking for new prospects and believe the evidence right in front of your face. He left a party you were at with another woman and went back to her flat. He's cheating or he will. He won't care if you break up with him because that's what he wants. He's just being a slimy coward.
Do you think that she told you about this pledge of choosing each other first so that you'd always make her your number one priority, but she wants to pick and choose when she prioritises you?
I mean this probably means your not sexually compatible. Particularly if he isn't even trying.
She paid you back. You were trying to get your dick wet. And I’m sure the reason why you went for her is because you saw her shitty mistake as a chance that she’d go in and commit adultery again.
She’s probably torn up she lost a friend especially when she clearly fucked up her life. She’s trying to do better so if you see her as anyone valuable in your life, do what she’s doing. In the terms you deserve, fuck right off. Just another annoying cringe adulterer that wants pity even though you were literally trying to ruin your own family.
Poor kid. She’s definitely being taken advantage of. I hope you can help her help herself.
“Not your therapist?” Is she serious? In normal relationships, partners are there for each other. This is just human empathy. It would be different if you were taking up hours a day with whining, but that doesn’t sound like the case.
Your partner has essentially told you she is not interested in supporting you emotionally because she is not being paid to do so. What does that say about her? Why should you have to put up with her angry lashing out, while at the same time not being allowed to voice your emotions at all?
really makes me wonder how they made it all the way to marriage and baby
Huge life changes like having a new baby, a loss or gain of a job, a big move, an accident or illness, etc tend to bring out sides of people you've never seen before. It's really easy to online in that honeymoon phase for a while until you have to adult up and wake up to reality of the day to day work of being an adult. Especially with the added responsibility of a child on top. Some people don't adjust well at all.
I agree with you dude. If you had kids or something, I'd go after her for that, but i'd prefer the clean break. I wouldn't want some bad memories check, I can make my own money.
Downvote away. OP is right.
My grandfather insisted on manners
Ok. Reevaluation of a relationship is healthy. Checking in with your partner is great. My gf and I do it regularly and this way we can catch stuff before it becomes a problem. When was the last time you two had a good solid talk about your relationship?
explaining your reason won’t make it hurt any less. just sit her down and tell her. she deserves to know the truth
We online together btw so I can do that. I’ll definitely try to answer any questions she wants without exposing other peoples privacy
It sounds like stuff you do for someone you are dating. I would be pissed off and planning to dump him if it were me.
He will stick to his anger management classes until he doesn’t. He will be “better” until he hurts you again.
Not if. When.
And when you choose to leave, if you are lucky enough to still be able to make that choice, please do not give him any inkling. Do not give him a chance to kill you or your daughter.
This is both confusing & manipulative af
As a man I will never understand missing the early parts of the baby being born. You needed support and he refused. He is no man. He is just a child.
I have no record of plastic surgery on my med files, nor does my surgeon consider this to be plastic surgery.
It's dermal fillers.
Honey, if your red flag radar is pinging, listen to it.
I don’t know your relationship history but, from what I can gather from how quickly you caught this red flag, you’ve been in unsavoury relationships before. Ones where you felt like you had to fight for your partner to even notice you, much less give you undivided attention. And that partner liked that power and liked making you jealous.
I’ve been in those relationships and I also notice these red flags immediately. It sounds like nails on a chalkboard.
Now, sometimes guys are just fucking oblivious and you have to fucking spell it out for them.
“Hey, you probably meant nothing by this but this is how it made me feel. I get it might seem like a small thing to you but it’s pretty important to me. It’s not a vanity thing, because to me it feels like you’re trying to hide me and I don’t appreciate it. If I’ve got it wrong, I’d love to hear your side.”
People don't post on subs outside of open relationship/poly subs about it going well. Only about it going badly. So I think that people get it in their mind that open relationship means
1) The person who asks is currently or wants to cheat
2) The person that asks has one foot out the door already.
Kind of like threesomes. Everyone posts about how it ruined everything. Nobody posts about positive experiences. I know this because one time on /r/sex I posted a comment saying I never hear about positive threesome stories and I ended up with literally dozens of replies sharing positive outcomes. I suspect open relationships are similar.
Personally? I'm strictly monogamous. No threesome ever. No open relationship ever. The only people in open relationships I draw issue with are the ones saying that refusal is based on insecurity and jealousy. It's not.
And the only ones I despise are the ones that try to convince people to open their relationship by calling people insecure and jealous. You're not doing that, but all the people that do that need to stfu.
Most people I've spoken to that are in open relationships are lovely people. Our brains just work differently.
“I'd love to get to know you better and go out again if you end up moving back, I feel like we really connected with each other when we went snowboarding”
Just say that!
I guess you can date him until you turn 31 then it's probably over.
Jokes aside, what is it you want in a partner ? Because if his SOP is 26 and younger I seriously doubt he is looking for a serious long term partner.
Thanks for replying 🙂 She says she lost her trust in me as a result of our breakup and that hasn’t come back yet. She doesn’t have a list as such, but I think she does want some time where she feels ‘independent’.
Me or him?
You’re not crazy and that comparison he used was offensive
No matter how immature he is, he should know that he can’t put his hands on you without permission
He seems to hold the misogynistic view that your body is ornamental and he’s entitled to it
If he’s worth staying with he’s going to need a lot of work on boundaries and his overall view of women
He knows it, his friends says the same like literally they just ignore him, or tell him to shut the fuck up and then he will get hurt
And he says he’s doing it since his mom did it to him, and he says it works to get people to talk, but idk
The problem never lasts long? Or the relationship?
Sounds like he knows nothing about sex
Not really ghost her since we are still in that group chat (I “liked” a few of her texts but I’m strategically avoiding her and usually liking only the others’ texts) but I guess telling her that I would let her know and then not writing her back is a hint that’s good enough?
Protect your family. If i was your sister id feel so samn betrayed if you stayed with a 30 yo grown ass man who preyed on her. Wake up love. Youre so young still, you can have first times with new people bc youve have never done it with them.
You children, your family, need you to be strong right now and move out. Talk to a divorce attorney asap and move out for support.
I communicated about gifts as much as I could. I texted him the second I bought him gifts, he knew I got him things, as stated this was my first ever one year anniversary I thought it was normal to celebrate it and do gifts, if he doesn’t celebrate it then that’s okay but why tell me on the day.
God, you're absolutely insufferable. Every woman you've dated feel like you don't respect them or their opinions (because you don't), and here you are trying to see how you can be the victim in this situation. Even after all these comments explaining in detail why you're a dick, you choose to double down.
If OPs gf happens to read this: girl, run! He thinks you're an idiot like all the other women he's known and will never respect you as an equal. Now, he's looking for a way to make you feel like a bad person for trying to protect yourself emotionally. He may be autistic but he's also inconsiderate af and it's not your job to fix him. 7 months is nothing – move on.
Rapists generally like to deny what they do is rape. It’s like a bank robber saying he just went to an ATM
The only way I'd respond to his text is, “You just guaranteed you'll never see them again. I'm out.”
Then block him.
Then call a therapist to work on your self-esteem and body acceptance. You're beautiful.
Mdma is fine bruh. Do it too and then fuck each other. Thank me later.
oops, sucks for him, guess she doesn’t want to be involved either. He should’ve picked someone better to cheat on you with. But that doesn’t mean you have to be here right now. He has his mom to take care of him, that’s enough. You can leave.
Just for clarity I know my post is naked to read, I really struggle with grammar and structure.
Look up mental abuse. He is showing a lot of ways people mentally abuse others.
-stonewalling : completely ignoring and not responding
Gaslighting: telling you that your feelings are not real
Super selfish and self centered behavior
No listening skills
Manipulating you by making you change instead of making an effort towards your feelings
Not acknowledging your feelings
….. You deserve SO much better
She has more choices though as she can still abort. Therefore it's not equality.
It is sad but people who grow up getting abused tend to find partners who are abuser.
Yep. This one isn’t worth saving. He’s a rapist. You may very well want to do therapy yourself, but you owe him nothing, except divorce papers.
I had a hangover the first time I met my ex husbands parents and after a 3 hour drive I went to say hello at the front door and as k opened my mouth I just knew. I managed to say ‘bathroom’, his dad was ex military so knew what was about to go down and took me by the shoulders and marched me to the bathroom so I could throw up. I came out 30 mins later absolutely mortified thinking I’d have to leave. Instead they gave me a standing ovation, a clean shirt and some toast. God I miss those guys.
I couldn't have said it better!
He needs to let you see his bank statements from the last few years or you need to immediately leave him and lawyer up.
If you really don’t care about your gf and her father, you can ruin both relationships by making a move. But it’s kind of odd to say that in the same breath as “I love my gf with all my heart”.
Make up your mind because it is starting to become obvious something is up
Oh wow, some friend! No big loss. He's probably shared your nudes with his buds and possibly revenge porn websites too. Sorry to say.
No you're not a b for calling it off, you're amazing for seeing your worth!! Let this be a lesson to never let a guy walk all over you again. And stay away from older men too while you're at it.
Your wife doesn't know that. Plus this other woman is getting all your sexual attention. Don't you want to have sex with your wife anymore?
r/survivinginfidelity
Mmm thanks…
I’m a Catholic and I think this is just dumb. You’ve been having sex up until getting engaged, now you are making yourselves miserable for nearly a year in preparation for what should be a happy event. Do you know you aren’t miraculously going to become virgins by November?
Okay so, the problem is not if being a furry equates to being gay. I will say, furry culture is absolutely not just fetish culture. Like most things, it exists on a spectrum. Can it be sexual in nature? Sure. But for a lot of people it's not sexual, and is instead based in identity. Many people find comfort in being a furry. It's typically about dressing up and acting like various animals. And many people feel more comfortable being animals than being human.
However, what a furry is, and why people identify as furries, doesn't really matter here. What matters is that it's frequently seen as a taboo thing to be, with a lot of stigma and misconception surrounding it. Your friend made it very clear he had a serious thing to have a conversation with you about, and you did not take him seriously. You laughed in his face. Naked, as you describe it. The problem is not if being a furry equates to being gay, the problem is that you did not show your friend any respect. And even after your friend tried to explain that your actions hurt them, you continue to ignore their viewpoint. When he told you being gay and being a furry was the same thing, he didn't mean literally identical. He meant that you didn't accept him and his identity because you didn't understand how serious it was to him. Rejection hurts the same no matter what you're being rejected for.
If you want to salvage this relationship, you're going to have to completely reframe your state of mind. Contact him. Sincerely apologize for your outburst. Tell him you did not properly understand the gravity of the situation and how important this issue was to them. Make it very clear that his feelings are important to you and that you now understand how rude and disrespectful you were being to his time and feelings. Then, tell him you know nothing about furries and don't understand what it means to them. Ask your friend to explain what it means to them. Tell your friend that you're listening now and you shouldn't have laughed and you hope you can make up for it.
If you don't want to salvage this relationship, you can continue being an asshole. But for future reference, people tend to not like it when you refuse to take them seriously after they made it very clear they were being serious. And if you want more people to like you, when they tell you about something you know very little about, ask them questions about what that means to them instead of laughing in their face.
I guess I wasn't aware of it at first. He was my first serious boyfriend. I didn't think I could change him, I just thought that his behaviour was my fault somehow. I now understand it's not, but I just thought if I changed, he would be happier.
This whole story is likely fantasy, OP consistently posts to subreddits for fictional writing.
6 posts to r/fictionwriting and 11 posts to r/nosleep, with only 27 posts in total
So you online with her family. Duh she's embarrassed to have sex. Someone probably told her they can hear you two, especially in a room above the garage. It's going to make that whole area squeak.
She told you think will be better after moving out.
If this is seriously a deal breaker for you when she told you things would change after something concrete happens, then leave and stop using her family for a place to crash.
I have a feeling you're asking “why don't you want to have sex with me more” which will instantly kill any remaining desire in the near future. The questions to ask would be about figuring out how to make her more comfortable.
“Hey, is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” – and don't mean just sexually. Show her you care about more than fucking.
How much do you all cuddle? How much flirting or foreplay before you want to initiate? You're not doing other things for a few hours then acting surprised you don't get sex right after, right? You're having lead up with flirting and showing you care about more than the sex, right?
A lot of women like his wife will get mad if he jerks off if she was available, though. So he probably feels obligated to ask every night.
Why don't you ask him?
Obviously he's far too old for you, but that can be an issue for later if you want.
I’m with you, everyone is so sensitive
You know that keeping separate finances even in marriage is extremely common right? And that it can prevent fighting about finances which is one of the major causes of divorce?
Convos about marriage stress. It’s just the accumulation of small things, so he doesn’t get why I feel it’s important. Haven’t even broached marriage counseling yet.
YES! exactly this! that was what really stuck out to me
Lol okay. I hope he dumps you and finds someone better.
You're not in love with him, you're in love with a fantasy of him. He's clearly shown he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Don't bother with people who just use you, they aren't worth your time.
You're not going to get a reasonable answer on this sub. Even if it was the other way around and she had a hook up from 5 years ago on her social media and you had an ex on yours, you would be wrong. Actually, there was a similar post recently. i have to look for it but I know Redditors called the guy insecure and accused him of slt shaming. You are moving in with someone who is going to want to control your social media.Hopefully you don't look at anything on the screen to masturbate cause that will be a no. Got any pics of your life in the past with other girls. Gotta delete them, concrete memories aren't OK. Get rid of everything on your devices that may indicate you have had anything to do with other women ever.
Mine did, LOL. I was also 3, but I do vaguely remember the day. It was a big nighttime wedding so I don't blame my parents for not wanting to have to watch over me. I'm pretty sure I was with my cousin, and I worshipped her anyway, so I'm sure I had a good time.
I do remember thinking they were going to the actual moon after. 🙂
No you should leave him. He's gaslighting you and manipulating you now. Look at these comments no other woman would put up with this either.
?
You need to LEAVE HIM.
True..and your right.
beginning of the end??? thats so extreme and definitley will not be happening.
BLOCK
Whatever u do, just be safe and communicate with ur partners. Get tested regularly and let future partners know that you are at a minimum bisexuality.
You gotta man up and tell her straight up if she can't cover 50% she has to go
To be honest, it doesn't really matter whether this constitutes stalking in any technical sense of the term. You (your friend) are clearly uncomfortable with this behavior and you need to tell him in no uncertain terms to stop.
If that doesn't work, then you can start thinking about getting authorities involved, though from what I've heard, they are not often effective.
I’ve been unfaithful and manipulative. I’ve betrayed partners really badly and feel like there’s no going back and I’m just going to be this horrible person for the rest of my life so I just want to die. That way no one else has to put up with me
You not to break up. A marriage or relationship is nothing when you have an insecure child, and person who cannot accept you as an individual vs someone who owns you and wants to control you.
I see your other post how he doesn’t want you going to the gym.. alone or to swim. You really need to understand this is not healthy and people like him will get worse.
The blowback will be on your bf. He'll socially ostracized by his fellow coworkers. Even if you gather proof of his infidelity and give to his gf it won't be Sherlockian to figure it was either you or your bf as both of you are being used as covers for the coworker's infidelity.
Consequently your bf might blame you he's has been isolated by his coworkers and none of them are speaking to him. This will affect his work and your relationship. Normally I'd suggest to say but in this case look the other way simply because your bf is working with him. Don't get involve in their mess.
You say the son is used to getting what he wants…like father like son, I guess. You don't owe him shit.
Yikes.
Do you want to stay with someone who blames you for miscarriages and resents you? Is he willing to go to therapy to help him work through these feelings? Because, at the moment, he sounds like a total ass.
Don't get surgery, just start working out. You can naturally make your butt bigger with exercise. It will look way better and even a trainer would be cheaper than implants and you wouldn't have to deal with recovery periods.
Doing thousands of squats would suck, but so does surgery, scars, implants not settling properly and having to get implants redone every couple decades. And the sort of butt you'd get would look better than an enhanced butt. You also get other advantages like a lower body fat percentage, less general back/muscle pain and so on.
Trojan thin
R/justnomil
I think your third point is most likely. Didn’t see it that way. Thanks for the advice. I know what i gotta do know
Uh. Your girlfriend is abusive.
Intimacy is about more than just sex. You obviously are ready to move on. It's better to just call it quits at this point.
You don’t, stop it.
I’ve been ruined financially and had to start over. 10/10 would do again vs staying in a shit marriage.
Whenever she asks you to stop somewhere, ask her how much she can afford to spend on you since she's paying for you both
You ate his ass and he can’t even go down on you? Stop everything immediately.
I had a miscarriage last year. Didn’t know I was pregnant. I started having horrible contraction pain (I know the feeling because I have one kid). I told my boyfriend about my pain and called my OBGYN who told me to take a pregnancy test. I was laughing taking the test thinking “these dumb doctors….oh shit”.
Sure enough, pregnant. About a month. The bleeding and the pain was horrible, I was lethargic, and I had to suck it up and suffer through it for 3 weeks. The only thing doctors did was have me do a weekly blood test to make sure my hormones were dropping to not pregnant levels. Unless I had a fever or was falling over dizzy they weren’t going to see me.
The whole 3 weeks my boyfriend pushed me to keep calling my doctor because he could believe they couldn’t do anything. He stressed over my heath the whole time and waited on me with tea, ibuprofen, naked packs, and orders to rest.
What I’m saying to everyone is miscarriages are not a fucking “oh, I guess I’m not pregnant anymore”. It’s physical ordeal at best. It’s a mental ordeal on top of it when you actually wanted a baby.
OP, you need to ditch that man. He wants what he wants with zero regard for your wellbeing.
That’s not someone you would want to raise a kid around.
This can’t be real surely
She’s not a loving and caring person, she’s a cruel and spiteful child. You’re mistaking how she treats YOU (right this second, while she wants to date you) as her personality. No, what she does to people she doesn’t need or want something from is her real personality. If you want proof, break up with her and see how quickly this sociopath turns on you.
Probably because your point makes zero sense. Like she was faking her attitude while waiting to find a man, upon which she was all ready to turn timid and private.
The appearance of impropriety is worse than impropriety. If she had caught the two of you fucking it would be easier. Then you could apologies and you could go somewhere from there. (likely nowhere but whatever.) As things are, she sees you as lying to her and not owning up to being a fuckup. Tell her you know now that interacting with your ex was a fuck up. Then tell her you understand how it looks and don't blame her if she dumps you. In all likelihood your relationship has ended, and the more time you spend moping about it the longer it will be until you find a new one. Learn from this and move on.
Congrats on marrying a deadbeat
You already cheated. and if I were her, I would leave you and never trust you again.
That “entertaining” thing would be if she gave her number and then block him at some point after some conversations. What she's doing is way better for her safety
Did I do anything wrong? Should I drop it or reach out. Feel I should drop it and move as I've been treated like a doormat. Plz advise Sorry for the long post
You've done plenty wrong, this isn't one of those things though, this is probably the first right thing you've done regarding her in a while. Ditch her, you're not even 2nd choice to her… Don't reach out. Never reach out again. If you want to make things easier for you, block her. Otherwise I'd always just leave her on read, ignore the fuck out of her.
punishing me for some reason.
For acting like a two year old.
I thought I’d play relatively obnoxious music while he was washing dishes
You should break up. He is violent, you are acting like you are 14. Not a good combination
you are overreacting. She is well more aware of the best way to get rid of unwanted attention than you are, b/c she is the one that has, through trial and error, gotten that information.
I’ve done it in the past and never will again because even if I’m not doing anything bad I like to leave the house and not be traced 24/7
I’m here for the comments. This is an interesting approach where I think your gf might be playing chess and you’re thinking checkers
First.
He’s not a man so don’t call him that. He’s a boy. A spoiled babies boy. If you want to be his mom then keep him around. If you don’t want to deal with this then kick him out.
There is no middle ground.
Either you learn to set boundaries or you are going to get sick with her or with anyone else that comes after.
First off, if you're not comfortable buying him a gun, then don't buy one for him.
Secondly, where do you online that you need a license to buy a gun?
Third, you're not in the wrong with saying no.
There's a reason why he can't buy a gun and it's not a good one. Please get as far away from this person as possible. That was not a reasonable request! Then to throw a toddler tantrum about it?
What if he isn't getting it for “hunting”?
If its from an ex, the shirts would be 18+ years old, as the daughter doesn't online at home, and this is a recent change from sleeping in the very hot to wearing the shirt.
she get to play single lady again. If it was only about going clubbing, you would be with her invited
Trust him?
He obviously needs help, but from a trained specialist, not from you. Cut off him and his family.
I hope this doesn’t come off wrong, but IMHO, these are actually promising signs for you: “I feel so damn lonely. I have nobody to talk to.” That means you’re not hanging on to this relationship out of fear of being lonely. Quite the opposite—you’re lonely in it! So you don’t have much to lose.
I dated someone like this and was overwhelmed with relief when I finally broke it off. I’m still ecstatic about being single by choice two years later. Every single day now, I can do whatever I want to do without guilt or obligation. Instead of being pressured into giving someone my constant and undivided attention, I save all of my time and energy for myself. I no longer have to waste a single breath justifying my hobbies. I can go on vacation whenever and wherever I want, without having to ask permission from anyone or check in with anyone. I went from begging for five minutes to myself, to truly having as much free time as I want and need despite working full-time. I’m energetic and excited instead of exhausted. My life is completely in order instead of in total chaos. I’m creative again. I wander to my heart’s content. I daydream. I do whatever I want to do, whenever I want to do it.
Basically, I feel like I quit a second, completely unpaid, 60-hour-a-week job that required me to be “on” every minute and had a demanding, micromanaging, condescending, punitive boss. I got my life back, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.
Life is short. Please show yourself even half as much grace as you’ve shown your gf and leave. She can find someone who wants to interact as much as she does (though she sounds extreme). I doubt you could compromise—it sounds like you’ve been trying to, for years. I fear that if you stay together, you’ll waste years longer playing this exhausting tug-of-war. Set yourself free. I promise that you’ll feel lighter than you can possibly imagine.
You’ll probably get shamed for being suspicious, but frankly you should not be comfortable with this. It’s an environment where boundaries are frequently crossed and alcohol is involved, and here significant others are being specifically excluded. Lots of people have been cheated on in this situation, including me.
I used to think the same, especially at elementary school. I know I looked normal, but no girl would ever show interest in me. Sometimes girls don’t necessarily value your looks first, but rather how you behave around others. This could be connected to masturbating. Because if you do masturbate daily or twice a day etc., you lose this spark when you are around women, you don’t tend to naturally say things that would attract them. So if that’s the case, I advise take a break for a week at least, you will feel the difference.
About the girl, no matter how much you like her, she is using you as alive teddybear. Only uses you when she needs you to keep her company. I do understand you like her, but you have to stop giving her attention. You won’t lose her completely at first, but maybe eventually that’s what you need. More space, involve yourself with more guys, do things with them, don’t attach yourself to just one person. Other girls who might potentionaly be attracted to you see this and this automatically loses their interest because they see you with another girl. She litterally uses you for her own good, makes you lose this aura for other girls that says “hey I’m ready to bang!” and makes you watch her being attracted to other males which gives you anxiety and god knows what.
My best advice: stop seeing her, don’t be rude to her just give her wayyy less attention and act like you got more interesting things to do. Talk to your male friends a lot more, do things with them and eventually you will find a way better girl that will even show interest in you, trust me!
Doesn’t sound like you really know what you want. You jumped to what you thought were greener pastures, and it wasn’t. You left that relationship for a reason. You were not satisfied in some way or the other.
You need a long heart to heart moment. Talk to her about it and figure out together what needs to be fixed.
He does spend quality time with the people he values, it’s just not OP
If there’s sexual tension then why aren’t u puttin the moves on eg when you’re both drunk at 2am on NYE? Sounds like u don’t know how to physically escalate
Especially not someone who's obsessed with getting in bed with “virgins”, that's both gross and alarming since that means that he might go after teens just to be sure to get his trophy.
This is how surfers lose their limbs “there's no way I'll be attacked by a shark”
Why are you having a second baby with him? Other commenters directed me to your history. You wondered about how to leave when you have A child. So naturally you have another one. With a jerk and a cheater. Seriously consider an abortion if you’re able to legally. Another child isn’t what anyone wants or needs here.
This, dear heart, is where the patriarchy and the culture of toxic masculinity damages men. Many, many subreddits are full of posts by women who want their partners to express emotions and the difficulties in their relationships because the only emotion their male partner expresses easily is anger.
If your girlfriend can’t cope with you becoming tearful when something makes you so, then she is not a good partner for you.
Hello?
Put a little vapo rub or essential oil on your upper lip.
I would not do this. It could rub off on her in an area where those things do not belong.
No it's not fair to feel cheated. Op gave her what he could. She has no future dibs on his money or savings.
She's basically an adult and should behave as such, not like an entitled brat.
She's only looking at what she doesn't have and others do. She needs to learn to make do with what she has (and she has plenty) and not compare. Life is 't fair. Not for OP, not for his daughter.
well I dont like really “give” her money, but rather pay for her expenses
But why does it specifically bother you when you go to work? That makes no sense
The only circumstances where it would ever be OK for your partner to call you something like “stupid bitch” was if you had a kink for being called degrading names in bed and asked them to call you that.
Treatment facility — is he mentally ill or an addict? If he's mentally ill, does his behavior have something to do with his illness? You might want to let his doctor know he's doing that if so. If he's an addict, he doesn't seem to be handling getting sober well. I wouldn't accept this kind of behavior from someone no matter what kind of problems they have.
Classic abusive behavior, your older husband is trying to isolate you from your support network.
Since I was born my mom has been really mean to my dad but not she has been happy when they’re together
It sounds like she gets off on being dominated and punished. Let’s say, she considers everything “even” afterwards. Don’t you think that eventually she will go out and do something “punishable” just to get off again?
It’s likely that she is “touched out” – especially if she is breastfeeding. I remember fantasizing about going to a hotel and sitting by myself for days without a single person touching me. I mean hardcore fantasize about it, it was my happy place lmao. Combine that with hormones causing us not to have a sex drive (women often have no libido for a year or so after birth) -and the idea of having sex is repulsive. Add in a husband that won’t stop whining about it and it becomes even more so.
I went from having a high sex drive, to never wanting to have sex for about half a year, to back to having a high sex drive. I think it’s just something people need to learn that it’s a possibility and prepare for when they have kids.
If you and she don't stick together now it WILL be a problem forever. She needs to have your back even if she can't talk her Dad round she should not be backing him in his unreasonable behavior. Why do you even need to go back there?
Wait, so, you couldn't leave the car so you had to “jump out of the door of a moving car”?
You made a gamble, and so happened to have won. The fact is, you made the gamble without your wife's blessing, and flat out disapproval. Now, instead of being a partner, she's just some background chick being drug on a ride she didn't want to be on in the first place. You don't seem to understand the position you put her in, and don't care, because it worked out. I hope those millions keep you warm at night.
Today I sort of lost it and said, “Come on, we have been working together for a year. Practice.” in front of our coworkers and I think he felt embarrassed and I definitely lost my cool.
I'd definitely think about ending the friendship. He sounds like he's only acting a friend to get in your pants
Nope. I make 40k and my husband makes 110k and we split bills proportionally. That’s the fair way to do it.
But as others are saying, I think it’s very different to be married than not in this situation. Be careful.
The fact that he is not willing to compromise on this is concerning.
Working in construction..
I asked for tips to move through betrayal, you didn't exactly offer that. I did acknowledge my wrong doing here in case you missed that part. He does deserve his privacy, and I also deserve to have my boundaries respected. Both things can be true. I clearly stated that I don't give a shit who he fantasizes about. He can fantasize about these girls he knows all he wants, I just draw the line at intentionally pulling up their pictures. But enough of me having to repeat myself for a person who clearly can't comprehend what I'm saying.
WOW – what a complicated and bizarre way to handle a situation. It’s weird that your boss asked to stay at your place. It’s weird that you didn’t mention it to your GF at the same time (because it’s weird). It’s super weird that, after knowing that your were being “put-out” by her being there, your boss still stayed at your place and cost you $400! It’s all just weird as f*ck. Your GF has every right to be upset that you kept this from her, to wonder what the hell you were thinking and to feel that your boss overstepped a boundary. Honestly, her being alone in your apartment at night feels almost more weirdly intimate than if you had slept on the sofa to me. Up to you whether you tell her or not but, for crying out loud…don’t do something like this again.
What about her makes you want to remain married to her?
Your feelings are valid. They are yours and you’re allowed to feel any way you want about anything. Especially those things that directly affect you. And you can work through those feelings anyway you want as long as you don’t hurt anyone, including yourself.
I’m also really proud of you for realizing that the day isn’t about you. I wish more people understood that. Some couples limit the guest list of their weddings for lots of different reasons, some they may be able to talk about and some that they may not be able to talk about. I worked for a short time in the wedding planner, and honestly, the guest list is one of the hardest parts for any couple to work through. People sometimes make odd choices about their guest list, especially if their wedding is stressing them out.
As with any invite to any wedding, you’re welcome to accepted or reject it. If you feel you don’t want to go to the reception because you weren’t invited to the ceremony, that’s a completely reasonable decision. If you decide to go to the reception, though, just focus on the part of the day you do get to enjoy.
Maybe when the wedding is over you can sit down with your girlfriend’s best friend and talk to about how the “reception only invitation” made you feel, and how you would like to be included in their life events in the future. Or maybe after the wedding it won’t seem like such a big deal. Either way, keep this in the back of your head for when you get married; your feelings about this experience will likely inform your choices when it’s your turn.
Thank you, I agree that putting my self first in this situation is important
You don't need to feel guilty. If it takes you a year from now to give birth and recover then be it that way.
Mastrubating right next to you is straight up disrespectful especially since it's making you uncomfortable you need to confront him and tell him you don't like it. Pushing these feelings down will make you resentful and they'll come out in a worse way anyway.
I am just going to assume when you say “we decided porn = bad” was him just agreeing to you and now you know.
To a lot of people, birthdays of adults are not a big deal. I realize to you they are, but you can't expect everyone else to care about that. You did get some good feels, maybe be content with that?
Your tender feelings do seem a little narcissistic to me. Recognize that you might not be that fun to be around and why should others share your celebration?
I suppose I'll get downvoted for this, but it's just the way I see it.
So no property taxes where you online?
Me (M30) Doctor (F34) at hospital humiliated me and made me cry publicly
I’m in Wisconsin, so things are cheaper here but it’s still difficult. I have to work overtime to afford my needs, medical bills are killing me and I’m still on my mom’s health insurance ?
I’m sorry OP. I went through a sorta similar thing last year with my ex. I lived with him 3k miles away from any friends or family, and we were together three years too.
The numbness you’re feeling is because your brain is being overwhelmed with emotions and thoughts, so it shuts down to preserve yourself. This is a coping mechanism. You will feel nothing, and then for a couple minutes you’ll feel everything. Then you’ll shut down again. This kind of betrayal is a lot to comprehend, especially when you’re reliant on your partner in the way that you (and I) was. I was applying to med school when this happened to me, and it was total chaos. I was completely completely lost. I’m sorry you found out during finals.
Try your very best to use that “shut down brain” to your advantage, and finish your finals. Do you have family or friends you could contact and stay with? Staying with him after your finals end is not an option, you do not deserve to stay an extra minute with that dick head that you don’t need to. Wishing you luck ??