That’s what I was thinking I don’t even think she was saying it at him just a general statement about guys in reply to what he said to her not specifically at OP
My bf is sometimes insecure but I don’t target him whenever I say dudes that do so and so give off small dick energy and he knows that I don’t use it in arguments or to make him feel bad
I mean, you can make anything. Some groups are more popular than others, nut you can make multiple groups if you want.
I made my groups about 13 years ago and my interest was just hanging out and doing activities. I was in a new city and didn't have any friends. My first group had people join and attend my events…..buuut as once 27 year old guy…..I wasn't exactly thrilled that a lot of members were 45+ years old.
That's why in my second group I put in the name and in rhe summary details that it was a group for younger people. Never had an issue after that.
When you're first making a group, you gotta have patience. It takes time to build a solid group of members who join and attend. My second group took about a few weeks of “unsuccessful” events before I started seeing multiple show up.
I eventually gave up my rights as the admin of the group(not the one in charge of paying the small monthly fee) because I rarely attended events due to my time with my then-gf.
You might try being a member of a few groups for a little bit to get used to the gist of it.
Besides my then-gf, I did form some real friendships with people where we hung out outside of group events.
I though it was because of porn, some women consider that a boundary.
Anyway why don't you do it in bed, if she considers you going out of the room “dirty” just keep he awake while you do your business. I wonder is she never helps her self, I would find that odd.
Tell her you going out is to not disturb her while she sleeps, but you will more than happy to do it in front of her or keep her awake when you can not sleep for the lack of it.
I know it was really stupid, and right now I don’t even know why I did that, the song it self isn’t too bad (its puedes contar conmigo, oreja de van Gogh) and yes Im sure she told her we did more than chat but we didn’t, she showed them I Believe out of bitterness, we didn’t end up amicably and now I guess shes trying yo screw me over, Idk, I tried explaining it to her but she wont believe me, and Im really sad and desperate, I really don’t know what to do, been crying all day since Monday (last day we talked and blocked me)
No, there is nothing you can do. Not to put too fine a point on it, but you're in a potentially dangerous situation: you're the temptation that a religious fundamentalist is desperately fighting against (and losing). You're a secret that he cannot allow to get out. Shut it down.
Why would you bring it up again? She was clearly uncomfortable and embarrassed. You shouldn’t talk about it again. If she suddenly decides she wants to go out she can ask.
The thing you could have done is say hey no worries it was just an idea. If you want you can let me know when you are free but its no big deal if not.
But that would have been in the situation, not after. Now its too late for that
I think it sounds like Mia has severe problems that are above your pay grade. There is a big difference between occassionally listening to your friends troubles and in being an involuntary therapist/trauma dumbster for a person. The former one is normal and is always a two-way street where sometimes I share. sometimes you share. A good friendship is not always evolving around some trauma discussion, even if there might be occassions in life when a discussion is a little one-sided for a moment (friend experiences surprising moment and wants to talk about it a lot for a time).
The important things to think about and ask yourself are following: – are you getting uncomfortable or tired listening to Mias problems? friendships shouldn't feel like a burden – have you started to feel responsible for Mias wellbeing? that is not a friends' duty – is Mias talking to you preventing her from seeking professional help? if she is feeling this is a convenient situation, she might not seek the help she needs – are Mias problems difficult that need professional help? talking about some casual diffficulties is okay in friendships but for example sexual assaults can not be handled by a person without psychological background – does Mia see you primarly as a friend or as a support person? you do not want to take her life as your responsibility – what does the friendship give you? why do you want to continue it? if you truly like Mia and have fun with her, it might be possible to intervene and change the relationship back to casual friendship, but only if you want to
Ah right. I’m in Australia, where de facto couples are treated the same as married couples. I absolutely wouldn’t marry someone I wasn’t sure of, but there’s no practical reason here to do so.
I still think it unwise to get married for purely practical reasons, but each to their own.
All the compromises are more than acceptable and yet unnecessary. As others stated it’s both a her problem and she’s the one trapping herself. She doesn’t have to be into the game but I didn’t get the feel that you’re banning her from the space. She feels trapped, but isn’t.
It sounds like you’re incompatible with the current living arrangement but I would certainly ask her if she’d be comfortable with your game if you lived in a two bed. My guess is that she’s just uncomfortable/unwilling to let people into her living space which is her right but makes you highly incompatible as a couple if living together is something you want.
It completely blows my mind, that someone of your age can't see what's blatantly stared you in the face.
Your pity party for one is laughable. Did you seriously believe that your AP would be welcomed to his wedding in any lifetime? At least she's realistic and knows she won't ever be accepted in any part of his life.
You disregarded the level of betrayal felt by your family as a whole, not just to your wife. You never apologized to your kids for what you did to rip their family apart. It sounds like you just moved on with the new family and prioritized them more than even trying to rectify your relationships with your kids. Excusing your behavior because they were young adults and it shouldn't matter.
But now the big milestones are coming. And again your selfishness will cost you more lost time. That you sent him a text about how you're emotionally stressed and trying to guilt trip him is the biggest joke. Why would he care about your emotions, when you didn't give two toots about his? The saddest part… you have the dates/years of the only times you've had communication with him.
I'm betting that when he does answer you, your invitation will be revoked. And any other milestones won't come with invites. Never underestimate the damage and the long-lasting effects, infidelity can have.
I do think you’re obligated to disclose simply due to a lack of compatibility.
I did a lot of dumb stuff when I was 16 or 17 that would not have been taken well if I shared it with my GF at age 25. Does that mean we're incompatible? I don't think so as we've been married over 40 years and still going strong. There was no reason to bring those things up back then and no reason now.
Start by allaying his suspicions with evidence. Get your friend to open her Uber app and screenshot the record of the trip . Then she can send him that screenshot.
Have you ever gotten blackout drunk before?
That’s problem drinking and will lead to more dangerous and stupid situations like this in your life. If the people around you are also problem drinkers then it may feel normal, but it’s not.
Not a surprise you are losing feelings, it sounds like there is a disconnect in the relationship.
For that, you need to ask yourself… Do I want to give this an honest shot at fixing it?
If you say yes, then this type of honesty needs to be communicated with him:
Hey, our relationship is in a bad place and I am tired of pretending of being unhappy.
These are the things that I unhappy about, and if we don't fix them, I don't know how we will last.
When a relationship is falling apart, you cannot pretend like everything is okay and allow it to happen. You need to bring attention to it to fix it.
And the other persons reaction will tell you everything you need to know.
If you get a 'I have been feeling the same way, lets develop a game plan to fix this, what other issues are you having?' you're in buisness.
If you get a 'I think we are okay and this is not an issue, I am being defensive and think its offensive that you've suggested this'… the relationship is dead.
I mean in any country I go to if my passport goes away so do my chances of leaving decrease but I already have my husbands citizenship and can go to an embassy, different thing if I am physically being held against my will
I can’t imagine why you, as someone who was 70-80% sure he wanted to be a parent, decided to marry someone who was only 10-20% sure. That’s a huge thing to simply overlook when planning out the rest of your future.
Look dude. You can’t change her mind. If she doesn’t want kids (it’s glaringly obvious to me that she doesn’t and you seem to be the last person in the world privy to this) and you do, you need to leave her and find someone willing to have kids with you. I will never understand this whole “oh she’ll come around” thing that men do. You can’t force her to want kids, and you’re kinda stupid for marrying someone who did not align with your vision for the future.
A few ways forward from here. 1. You force her to be pregnant and raise your children against her will. Somewhere along the way she resents you and you end up in a miserable marriage or potentially divorced. 2. You give up your lifelong dream of having children. Somewhere along the way you resent her for not giving her what you want. You end up in a miserable marriage or potentially divorced. 3. Divorce now, avoid the heartache, and do what you should’ve done years ago which is find someone who aligns with your desires, rather than force someone else into some weird fantasy version of your life where she “rolls over one day and decides to spontaneously get pregnant” (seriously???)
Sorry dude, I hate to be harsh but kids is like the one thing in a marriage you absolutely cannot compromise on. You can’t half ass having kids, nor can you force a woman to go through with a pregnancy that will change her whole body and life forever when she doesn’t want that (I mean you can but…. It’s pretty rapey)
Without knowing any details about the interaction as OP hasn’t provided any, the only thing we have to go from is his post. If she’s asking for him to talk more I assume he isn’t talking a lot. At this point, if you’ve asked someone to communicate more and what they do instead is stop talking altogether, why would you keep it going?
Info: what is your definition of emotional cheating? I ask because some people consider it emotional cheating just to be friends with the opposite sex and have convos. For others, it means that they’re sexting and flirting and what not.
I mean that she isn't manipulating him, she decided that she doesn't want a relationship with him. If she had asked him to wait, then that would be manipulative.
Yes, they flirted, yes, she gave him mixed messages (it takes two to tango, though), but she then made up her mind and told him she wasn't interested in what he was offering.
THe time she needs to herself to figure herself out, and find out who she is as a single person outside of a relationship has nothing to do with him. She might actually meet someone next week and get into a committed ltr relationship with them right out of the bat, for all we know.
It sounds like he gave you feedback in that he feels like you go looking for trouble. Your behavior the other night was pretty stalker like.
Most people want some autonomy. They want trust. They don’t want to be constantly questioned about where they are, what they’re doing, and go they’re with. And reaching out to his parents was ridiculous.
I’m not sure what any of this has to do with him not bringing up long term things like marriage. But I sure as hell wouldn’t date let alone marry someone who kept tabs on me like that.
The only time my partner and I turn on location services if I’m going somewhere shady for a wildlife rescue/transport. If I get kidnapped or assaulted or something, I want him to know where to send the police if I’m not home when I said I’d be. And sometimes I do it when I’m trail riding my horses in case I get tossed and don’t get home as planned, I want someone to be able to find me.
You don't need to worry about that. Debt isn't inherited when the debtor dies (unless they're spouses of course) so the worst thing that you and your partner would be facing regarding her debt is that her creditors will recoup their losses as much as possible through her estate by way of any assets she has.
I hope that helps you not stress needlessly anymore. ?
What an extremely mean thing to say to your partner. If she was annoyed, all she had to say was, “Could you stop fidgeting with my button? It's distracting.” Or “Hey, babe. I know you're not trying to bother me, but I'm starting to get a little annoyed.”
Reevaluate whether or not you want to stay with someone who puts you down instead of expressing their discontent in kinder, healthier ways.
“I personally feel that my views on LGBTQ has not impacted my views or actions with my wife or child.”
This is incorrect and you know it. Your wife is TELLING YOU that it is. You refute her accusations of homophobia/biphobia by saying you only view her as your wife and the mother of your children. But if you do not affirm her sexuality, you straight-up are not accepting of a part of who she is. By what you're hinting, I take it you view her identity as a sin. Bisexuality is not just some kind of “flaw” you can so chivalrously overlook, it is an identity, a community, and a cultural experience. Most importantly it is a fundamental part of who your wife is.
“If the LGBTQ stance was the core problem, then I've been lied to for our whole marriage.”
You have not been lied to because she is telling you that it's an issue! It's also very common for people to grow in confidence about their sexuality over time and frankly, I've known SO MANY bi girls to get in relationships with non-affirming straight men when they have not yet found their footing as an LGBT+ person, but take issue with it as they grow in confidence and pride in their community.
You do not fully accept and affirm who she is, and you go to a church that probably thinks she is going to Hell and is probably fighting to take away her rights as an LGBT+ person in your region. I personally think churches like yours are even worse, because they'll be “nice” about it while they talk shit behind your back and actively push agendas to make your life worse. And then expect a cookie for not, what, beating you in the street lmao???
We are living in a scary time for LGBT+ people and you do actually have to pick a side IMO. Is that side gonna be your wife's?
Is it causing a financial problem? Is she gaining weight and complaining about it? While it doesn’t sound healthy per say, it isn’t fully your place. Maybe she’s stressed about something and is eating to cope. Maybe she has a hormone imbalance and the extra sugar is giving her energy that she’s not fueling properly.
Maybe approach this from a household point of view of trying to be more aware of food and health. For instance, buy her a popcorn maker and kernels. It doesn’t need much oil at all to pop and has way less crap than the bags of popcorn. Find a recipient or a high protein high fiber cookie and ask her to try making that instead.
Yeah, just leave her alone and move on. If they're not actively displaying interest in you, whether that's engaging in conversation or giving alternatives for plans – there's no reason for you to go the extra mile for someone that isn't matching your effort.
You are so young you have your entire life ABEAD of you. I know it’s hot right now and it will take some time, but you will find someone EVEN BETTER than her – it’s probably impossible to think that’s possible, but it is. She seemed amazing at the time but with some time and a different partner your perspective will change and you will see she probably wasn’t the perfect person for you. Good luck my friend, take 6 months to work on yourself, focus on other things you are passionate about or develop new interests, and someone new will come along- just be open to it (down the road).
I bet you left our a lot of how this really went down.
However let's start off with the differences here. She called off work to see her best friend for a long weekend trip. You wanted her to call off to meet one of your friends to hang out. Her and her best friend going on a planned trip quite clearly trumps you and your buddy hanging out for a day.
But the part you left out is how your conversation went down… Asking her to take a day off to meet and hang out with a stranger, who is not your best friend should have been phrased as a question, followed by the importance of the request you are making. Something like, “Hey my buddy Timmy is going to be in town on the 25th and I'd really like you to meet him, can you call off that day and hang out with us? It would mean a lot to me because I want you in all aspects of my life, and meeting old friends is part of that.”
Now even if she said no to that… it is reasonable and you were not manipulative.
It's how you responded that I'm betting made her think you are controlling.
AT ANY POINT did you not accept her saying no?
AT ANY POINT did you point out that she's OK calling off work for her friend and not you?
Because your response to her after she said no… that may be why she thinks you want to control her.
Doubt it. If mom was smart she never would have had Insta and this never would have happened. Now they are using it to track her and learn about the kids and she just keeps posting giving them more info.
Doubt it. If mom was smart she never would have had Insta and this never would have happened. Now they are using it to track her and learn about the kids and she just keeps posting giving them more info.
She was a hypocrite. And your loss I understand it’s real, but you had genuine feelings for him, and he had genuine feelings for you. I don’t know that you did anything wrong that two ordinary people don’t do when they fall in love. Should you have told your friend maybe it would’ve made it easier because emotions are complicated and this polyamory stuff makes it much more complex. They’re great for sexual experimentation, but they do not work with relationships because of exactly these kinds of situation they damage everything around them. Go on and live your life. This was not her boyfriend. This was a guy that was disposable to her.
If you have an iPhone anything you delete will stay in a “recently deleted” folder for 30 days. Please check. If it’s in there, hit restore and make copies (email yourself, whatever you can think of where he can’t get to it). And girl, please RUN. I know it’s hard, but think of your child and don’t turn back. You’ve gotten a lot of good advise here.
At this point cut him loose. There are better people out there, by far, and it isn’t worth staying with someone who, again, sounds like an energy vampire
It sounds like you have a good solution – church together with your family and then later on dinner with his family. It sounds like you can go out to eat with your mother and sister and arrive at boyfriend's family dinner later.
You mention the loss of your Dad – that makes this much easier to understand. It's important that you feel good about the support and time you give to your family. That said, it is not your responsibility to be the sole support and company for your family. It is important that your mother builds connections in your new hometown. You mention church – she is a part of that community at a minimum. Maybe you can encourage her to get more involved and build solid relationships with people she meets there?
No problem. And it will work, because you two weren’t looking for the same thing or on the same page, and for a relationship to be successful you both need to be in it together. I know that hurts for you right now, but you honesty deserve better. And don’t expect it not to hurt like hell because it will.
But just keep it moving and time will make things clearer. If time makes her come to the realization that she fucked up and tries to come back, just be careful with your heart.
You sound like a good guy, don’t waste your time and emotions on someone who doesn’t deserve them. Good luck dude
I’m gonna be honest with you, there’s no way in hell I’d choose to move in with someone who decided to remove asbestos himself instead of hiring a professional. That’s a hazard waiting to happen.
Nothing you mentioned in her change of behaviour warranted a mandatory psychiatric hold. You can try couples therapy but I’d stay realistic about the chances of this working out long term.
Tell the gf about the affair, if she doesn’t already know she deserves to know.
You did nothing wrong. Him tampering with condoms is very wrong.
You mean you caught your ex-girlfriend sending nudes. It's over kid. Not worth wasting any more of your time.
??? fully formed. I think I just died.
Did you read any of that?
I assume a bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich. Pretty common in the US.
That’s what I was thinking I don’t even think she was saying it at him just a general statement about guys in reply to what he said to her not specifically at OP
My bf is sometimes insecure but I don’t target him whenever I say dudes that do so and so give off small dick energy and he knows that I don’t use it in arguments or to make him feel bad
Absolutely
I mean, you can make anything. Some groups are more popular than others, nut you can make multiple groups if you want.
I made my groups about 13 years ago and my interest was just hanging out and doing activities. I was in a new city and didn't have any friends. My first group had people join and attend my events…..buuut as once 27 year old guy…..I wasn't exactly thrilled that a lot of members were 45+ years old.
That's why in my second group I put in the name and in rhe summary details that it was a group for younger people. Never had an issue after that.
When you're first making a group, you gotta have patience. It takes time to build a solid group of members who join and attend. My second group took about a few weeks of “unsuccessful” events before I started seeing multiple show up.
I eventually gave up my rights as the admin of the group(not the one in charge of paying the small monthly fee) because I rarely attended events due to my time with my then-gf.
You might try being a member of a few groups for a little bit to get used to the gist of it.
Besides my then-gf, I did form some real friendships with people where we hung out outside of group events.
Just block. It's her way of making you feel guilty. Her being a single mom needs to deal with this. If you visit, it will give him false hope!!
I though it was because of porn, some women consider that a boundary.
Anyway why don't you do it in bed, if she considers you going out of the room “dirty” just keep he awake while you do your business. I wonder is she never helps her self, I would find that odd.
Tell her you going out is to not disturb her while she sleeps, but you will more than happy to do it in front of her or keep her awake when you can not sleep for the lack of it.
Here goes women's favorite phrase
“My body my choise”
I know it was really stupid, and right now I don’t even know why I did that, the song it self isn’t too bad (its puedes contar conmigo, oreja de van Gogh) and yes Im sure she told her we did more than chat but we didn’t, she showed them I Believe out of bitterness, we didn’t end up amicably and now I guess shes trying yo screw me over, Idk, I tried explaining it to her but she wont believe me, and Im really sad and desperate, I really don’t know what to do, been crying all day since Monday (last day we talked and blocked me)
No, there is nothing you can do. Not to put too fine a point on it, but you're in a potentially dangerous situation: you're the temptation that a religious fundamentalist is desperately fighting against (and losing). You're a secret that he cannot allow to get out. Shut it down.
Bored and irritated ?
20? I didn’t settle down until 32. Don’t waste your 20s being in a relationship. Go meet new people and have flings at parties! Your time will come 🙂
Why would you bring it up again? She was clearly uncomfortable and embarrassed. You shouldn’t talk about it again. If she suddenly decides she wants to go out she can ask.
The thing you could have done is say hey no worries it was just an idea. If you want you can let me know when you are free but its no big deal if not.
But that would have been in the situation, not after. Now its too late for that
It sounds like all she does it take take and take. What are you getting out of this arrangement? It certainly isn’t happiness lil
No one on this thread of comments is making personal attacks just because we aren’t agreeing with her behavior
No, no, no, no, no.
Fuck no!!
I think it sounds like Mia has severe problems that are above your pay grade. There is a big difference between occassionally listening to your friends troubles and in being an involuntary therapist/trauma dumbster for a person. The former one is normal and is always a two-way street where sometimes I share. sometimes you share. A good friendship is not always evolving around some trauma discussion, even if there might be occassions in life when a discussion is a little one-sided for a moment (friend experiences surprising moment and wants to talk about it a lot for a time).
The important things to think about and ask yourself are following: – are you getting uncomfortable or tired listening to Mias problems? friendships shouldn't feel like a burden – have you started to feel responsible for Mias wellbeing? that is not a friends' duty – is Mias talking to you preventing her from seeking professional help? if she is feeling this is a convenient situation, she might not seek the help she needs – are Mias problems difficult that need professional help? talking about some casual diffficulties is okay in friendships but for example sexual assaults can not be handled by a person without psychological background – does Mia see you primarly as a friend or as a support person? you do not want to take her life as your responsibility – what does the friendship give you? why do you want to continue it? if you truly like Mia and have fun with her, it might be possible to intervene and change the relationship back to casual friendship, but only if you want to
Ah right. I’m in Australia, where de facto couples are treated the same as married couples. I absolutely wouldn’t marry someone I wasn’t sure of, but there’s no practical reason here to do so.
I still think it unwise to get married for purely practical reasons, but each to their own.
Did she lie or did she genuinely think that is the reason? Seems pretty specific to just make up.
All the compromises are more than acceptable and yet unnecessary. As others stated it’s both a her problem and she’s the one trapping herself. She doesn’t have to be into the game but I didn’t get the feel that you’re banning her from the space. She feels trapped, but isn’t.
It sounds like you’re incompatible with the current living arrangement but I would certainly ask her if she’d be comfortable with your game if you lived in a two bed. My guess is that she’s just uncomfortable/unwilling to let people into her living space which is her right but makes you highly incompatible as a couple if living together is something you want.
It completely blows my mind, that someone of your age can't see what's blatantly stared you in the face.
Your pity party for one is laughable. Did you seriously believe that your AP would be welcomed to his wedding in any lifetime? At least she's realistic and knows she won't ever be accepted in any part of his life.
You disregarded the level of betrayal felt by your family as a whole, not just to your wife. You never apologized to your kids for what you did to rip their family apart. It sounds like you just moved on with the new family and prioritized them more than even trying to rectify your relationships with your kids. Excusing your behavior because they were young adults and it shouldn't matter.
But now the big milestones are coming. And again your selfishness will cost you more lost time. That you sent him a text about how you're emotionally stressed and trying to guilt trip him is the biggest joke. Why would he care about your emotions, when you didn't give two toots about his? The saddest part… you have the dates/years of the only times you've had communication with him.
I'm betting that when he does answer you, your invitation will be revoked. And any other milestones won't come with invites. Never underestimate the damage and the long-lasting effects, infidelity can have.
You screwed around and are still finding out.
I do think you’re obligated to disclose simply due to a lack of compatibility.
I did a lot of dumb stuff when I was 16 or 17 that would not have been taken well if I shared it with my GF at age 25. Does that mean we're incompatible? I don't think so as we've been married over 40 years and still going strong. There was no reason to bring those things up back then and no reason now.
Hard agree!!
Start by allaying his suspicions with evidence. Get your friend to open her Uber app and screenshot the record of the trip . Then she can send him that screenshot.
Have you ever gotten blackout drunk before?
That’s problem drinking and will lead to more dangerous and stupid situations like this in your life. If the people around you are also problem drinkers then it may feel normal, but it’s not.
Stay the fuck away from this man. He is clearly set in “his ways” and doesn't care about how you feel and your personal needs.
Block and move on
100%… their whole dynamic seems terrible.
Can you check her phone when you are together as rules state? Then you can confront her and ask her to properly tell him off and refuse to meet him.
That may be but why does she need an open marriage right now? What's the point of it other than to allow her to see other people whilst married?
Not a surprise you are losing feelings, it sounds like there is a disconnect in the relationship.
For that, you need to ask yourself… Do I want to give this an honest shot at fixing it?
If you say yes, then this type of honesty needs to be communicated with him:
Hey, our relationship is in a bad place and I am tired of pretending of being unhappy.
These are the things that I unhappy about, and if we don't fix them, I don't know how we will last.
When a relationship is falling apart, you cannot pretend like everything is okay and allow it to happen. You need to bring attention to it to fix it.
And the other persons reaction will tell you everything you need to know.
If you get a 'I have been feeling the same way, lets develop a game plan to fix this, what other issues are you having?' you're in buisness.
If you get a 'I think we are okay and this is not an issue, I am being defensive and think its offensive that you've suggested this'… the relationship is dead.
I mean in any country I go to if my passport goes away so do my chances of leaving decrease but I already have my husbands citizenship and can go to an embassy, different thing if I am physically being held against my will
He’s probably married
I can’t imagine why you, as someone who was 70-80% sure he wanted to be a parent, decided to marry someone who was only 10-20% sure. That’s a huge thing to simply overlook when planning out the rest of your future.
Look dude. You can’t change her mind. If she doesn’t want kids (it’s glaringly obvious to me that she doesn’t and you seem to be the last person in the world privy to this) and you do, you need to leave her and find someone willing to have kids with you. I will never understand this whole “oh she’ll come around” thing that men do. You can’t force her to want kids, and you’re kinda stupid for marrying someone who did not align with your vision for the future.
A few ways forward from here. 1. You force her to be pregnant and raise your children against her will. Somewhere along the way she resents you and you end up in a miserable marriage or potentially divorced. 2. You give up your lifelong dream of having children. Somewhere along the way you resent her for not giving her what you want. You end up in a miserable marriage or potentially divorced. 3. Divorce now, avoid the heartache, and do what you should’ve done years ago which is find someone who aligns with your desires, rather than force someone else into some weird fantasy version of your life where she “rolls over one day and decides to spontaneously get pregnant” (seriously???)
Sorry dude, I hate to be harsh but kids is like the one thing in a marriage you absolutely cannot compromise on. You can’t half ass having kids, nor can you force a woman to go through with a pregnancy that will change her whole body and life forever when she doesn’t want that (I mean you can but…. It’s pretty rapey)
Idk if I should though. Just the fact she applied to the place I work is throwing me a little but the whole situation is throwing me. Ugh
but eventually say something maybe asking if she'd rather talk about it in person or just keep dating and give it mor
Its been 5 days so far. What would be a good text to send and for when?
Currently on reading week so should i wait for uni to start again or do it this week?
Thank you for your story. This is very helpful for long term thinking.
Girl, he for another girl pregnant, sleeping at her house all week. Common. Don’t be played here, run.
Hm. Sounds like he’s a bit of a dickhead and will definitely be a dickhead if you try to bring it up with him or anyone else.
Hey that stat applies to me, my best friend, my other best friend, this chick I met the first day of college, man I can’t even list them all!
Okay well good luck when she tries to sleep with your bf
Without knowing any details about the interaction as OP hasn’t provided any, the only thing we have to go from is his post. If she’s asking for him to talk more I assume he isn’t talking a lot. At this point, if you’ve asked someone to communicate more and what they do instead is stop talking altogether, why would you keep it going?
Info: what is your definition of emotional cheating? I ask because some people consider it emotional cheating just to be friends with the opposite sex and have convos. For others, it means that they’re sexting and flirting and what not.
I mean that she isn't manipulating him, she decided that she doesn't want a relationship with him. If she had asked him to wait, then that would be manipulative.
Yes, they flirted, yes, she gave him mixed messages (it takes two to tango, though), but she then made up her mind and told him she wasn't interested in what he was offering.
THe time she needs to herself to figure herself out, and find out who she is as a single person outside of a relationship has nothing to do with him. She might actually meet someone next week and get into a committed ltr relationship with them right out of the bat, for all we know.
(Of course he shouldn't wait)
How can you not be in a relationship but exclusive? The label is : we are talking
It sounds like he gave you feedback in that he feels like you go looking for trouble. Your behavior the other night was pretty stalker like.
Most people want some autonomy. They want trust. They don’t want to be constantly questioned about where they are, what they’re doing, and go they’re with. And reaching out to his parents was ridiculous.
I’m not sure what any of this has to do with him not bringing up long term things like marriage. But I sure as hell wouldn’t date let alone marry someone who kept tabs on me like that.
The only time my partner and I turn on location services if I’m going somewhere shady for a wildlife rescue/transport. If I get kidnapped or assaulted or something, I want him to know where to send the police if I’m not home when I said I’d be. And sometimes I do it when I’m trail riding my horses in case I get tossed and don’t get home as planned, I want someone to be able to find me.
The way you’re using the product isn’t healthy.
Your behavior is concerning.
You don't need to worry about that. Debt isn't inherited when the debtor dies (unless they're spouses of course) so the worst thing that you and your partner would be facing regarding her debt is that her creditors will recoup their losses as much as possible through her estate by way of any assets she has.
I hope that helps you not stress needlessly anymore. ?
p.s. congrats on the future wedding!
What an extremely mean thing to say to your partner. If she was annoyed, all she had to say was, “Could you stop fidgeting with my button? It's distracting.” Or “Hey, babe. I know you're not trying to bother me, but I'm starting to get a little annoyed.”
Reevaluate whether or not you want to stay with someone who puts you down instead of expressing their discontent in kinder, healthier ways.
“I personally feel that my views on LGBTQ has not impacted my views or actions with my wife or child.”
This is incorrect and you know it. Your wife is TELLING YOU that it is. You refute her accusations of homophobia/biphobia by saying you only view her as your wife and the mother of your children. But if you do not affirm her sexuality, you straight-up are not accepting of a part of who she is. By what you're hinting, I take it you view her identity as a sin. Bisexuality is not just some kind of “flaw” you can so chivalrously overlook, it is an identity, a community, and a cultural experience. Most importantly it is a fundamental part of who your wife is.
“If the LGBTQ stance was the core problem, then I've been lied to for our whole marriage.”
You have not been lied to because she is telling you that it's an issue! It's also very common for people to grow in confidence about their sexuality over time and frankly, I've known SO MANY bi girls to get in relationships with non-affirming straight men when they have not yet found their footing as an LGBT+ person, but take issue with it as they grow in confidence and pride in their community.
You do not fully accept and affirm who she is, and you go to a church that probably thinks she is going to Hell and is probably fighting to take away her rights as an LGBT+ person in your region. I personally think churches like yours are even worse, because they'll be “nice” about it while they talk shit behind your back and actively push agendas to make your life worse. And then expect a cookie for not, what, beating you in the street lmao???
We are living in a scary time for LGBT+ people and you do actually have to pick a side IMO. Is that side gonna be your wife's?
Is it causing a financial problem? Is she gaining weight and complaining about it? While it doesn’t sound healthy per say, it isn’t fully your place. Maybe she’s stressed about something and is eating to cope. Maybe she has a hormone imbalance and the extra sugar is giving her energy that she’s not fueling properly.
Maybe approach this from a household point of view of trying to be more aware of food and health. For instance, buy her a popcorn maker and kernels. It doesn’t need much oil at all to pop and has way less crap than the bags of popcorn. Find a recipient or a high protein high fiber cookie and ask her to try making that instead.
Yeah, just leave her alone and move on. If they're not actively displaying interest in you, whether that's engaging in conversation or giving alternatives for plans – there's no reason for you to go the extra mile for someone that isn't matching your effort.
You are so young you have your entire life ABEAD of you. I know it’s hot right now and it will take some time, but you will find someone EVEN BETTER than her – it’s probably impossible to think that’s possible, but it is. She seemed amazing at the time but with some time and a different partner your perspective will change and you will see she probably wasn’t the perfect person for you. Good luck my friend, take 6 months to work on yourself, focus on other things you are passionate about or develop new interests, and someone new will come along- just be open to it (down the road).
I bet you left our a lot of how this really went down.
However let's start off with the differences here. She called off work to see her best friend for a long weekend trip. You wanted her to call off to meet one of your friends to hang out. Her and her best friend going on a planned trip quite clearly trumps you and your buddy hanging out for a day.
But the part you left out is how your conversation went down… Asking her to take a day off to meet and hang out with a stranger, who is not your best friend should have been phrased as a question, followed by the importance of the request you are making. Something like, “Hey my buddy Timmy is going to be in town on the 25th and I'd really like you to meet him, can you call off that day and hang out with us? It would mean a lot to me because I want you in all aspects of my life, and meeting old friends is part of that.”
Now even if she said no to that… it is reasonable and you were not manipulative.
It's how you responded that I'm betting made her think you are controlling.
AT ANY POINT did you not accept her saying no?
AT ANY POINT did you point out that she's OK calling off work for her friend and not you?
Because your response to her after she said no… that may be why she thinks you want to control her.
You should have kicked her ass when you got out.
Boyfriend sucks.
How do you feel personally about the lack of similarities? Would that be an issue for you in your relationship?
Doubt it. If mom was smart she never would have had Insta and this never would have happened. Now they are using it to track her and learn about the kids and she just keeps posting giving them more info.
Doubt it. If mom was smart she never would have had Insta and this never would have happened. Now they are using it to track her and learn about the kids and she just keeps posting giving them more info.
She was a hypocrite. And your loss I understand it’s real, but you had genuine feelings for him, and he had genuine feelings for you. I don’t know that you did anything wrong that two ordinary people don’t do when they fall in love. Should you have told your friend maybe it would’ve made it easier because emotions are complicated and this polyamory stuff makes it much more complex. They’re great for sexual experimentation, but they do not work with relationships because of exactly these kinds of situation they damage everything around them. Go on and live your life. This was not her boyfriend. This was a guy that was disposable to her.
If you have an iPhone anything you delete will stay in a “recently deleted” folder for 30 days. Please check. If it’s in there, hit restore and make copies (email yourself, whatever you can think of where he can’t get to it). And girl, please RUN. I know it’s hard, but think of your child and don’t turn back. You’ve gotten a lot of good advise here.
Should I not have said that ? I’m open to suggestions
Archery? Too bad he wouldn't go for axe throwing. It's sooo fun!
God damn it
Comments are a garbage dump like usual so I’ll just say this
It’s got nothing to do with the age gap, you’re just dating an asshole
Could you sound any more like a creep?
At this point cut him loose. There are better people out there, by far, and it isn’t worth staying with someone who, again, sounds like an energy vampire
There’s plenty that have that number
It sounds like you have a good solution – church together with your family and then later on dinner with his family. It sounds like you can go out to eat with your mother and sister and arrive at boyfriend's family dinner later.
You mention the loss of your Dad – that makes this much easier to understand. It's important that you feel good about the support and time you give to your family. That said, it is not your responsibility to be the sole support and company for your family. It is important that your mother builds connections in your new hometown. You mention church – she is a part of that community at a minimum. Maybe you can encourage her to get more involved and build solid relationships with people she meets there?
No problem. And it will work, because you two weren’t looking for the same thing or on the same page, and for a relationship to be successful you both need to be in it together. I know that hurts for you right now, but you honesty deserve better. And don’t expect it not to hurt like hell because it will.
But just keep it moving and time will make things clearer. If time makes her come to the realization that she fucked up and tries to come back, just be careful with your heart.
You sound like a good guy, don’t waste your time and emotions on someone who doesn’t deserve them. Good luck dude
But y’all loooovvveee telling people what to do ?
I’m gonna be honest with you, there’s no way in hell I’d choose to move in with someone who decided to remove asbestos himself instead of hiring a professional. That’s a hazard waiting to happen.
I doubt there’s any coming back from that.
Nothing you mentioned in her change of behaviour warranted a mandatory psychiatric hold. You can try couples therapy but I’d stay realistic about the chances of this working out long term.